So, my friend A is going through what I went through when I didn't pass the first time. After talking to her some and lots of emailing about this, it has come to my attention that there are many misconceptions about bar study materials. I, too, fell victim to thinking that I had to have more materials to ensure a pass on the exam.
So, in an effort to allow others to learn from some of my mistakes, here is my list of myths surrounding bar prep-- specific to materials in particular....
Myth #1: I must have the newest materials to be the best prepared for the exam.
Truth: No. You don't. Period. Buy stuff off Craigslist. Buy your friend's old stuff who was a year ahead of you in law school. I had a set of PMBR books from five years ago and a set from ten years ago. I purchased new ones as well. Lo and behold, those ten year old books are EXACTLY THE SAME as the new ones. Same questions, same answers, same effing typos, SAME EVERYTHING. So, don't blow money on the newest stuff. It's just wasting money.
Myth #2: I must focus on the distinctions between California law and federal law (evidence and civ pro.)
Truth: No. You don't. Well, maybe spend 15 to 30 minutes recognizing that there are some distinctions and be aware of what areas have distinctions, but do not spend inordinate amounts of time studying the minutiae of these. There is enough minutiae on the exam without making it worse.
Myth #3: If I just buy this or that (or any) extra book, it'll be the key to passing.
Truth: No. Wrong. Using the daylights out of the materials you have will do it. Spending time buying materials and shopping for materials is a waste of precious study time. You need something that has MBEs in it (PMBR books and/or Strategies and Tactics for the MBE), and something that you can practice essays from. Also, a Conviser Mini Review. That's about it. PT study materials are largely filled with really old, outdated examples of PTs and aren't even all that helpful (the bar website is best for those because they are actually recent). Just. Don't. Buy. Any. More.
Myth #4: I must have a personal tutor to be assured of passing.
Truth: You don't necessarily. And I say this having NOT passed, but I am just not of the persuasion that it is absolutely necessary to spend $5,000 on a personal tutor to keep you on your study schedule and show you the basic traps of writing an essay answer. Join the yahoo repeaters group. Talk to some friends who are also studying. Spend only $75 on baressays.com and spend some quality time with a question and answers to it that earned a 55, 60, 65, 70, and 75 respectively. A tutor will NOT insert the knowledge into you. You have to teach yourself and spending extra money does not make up for not putting in the time to learn the law. You will still have to learn the law and learn how to write the way the examiners want to see it. There are no shortcuts. Period.
Myth #5: I can buy flashcards instead of making my own.
Truth: No. Spend less money and accept that your hand will cramp writing out your own flashcards. Again- THERE ARE NO SHORTCUTS. The act of going methodically through each subject, digesting each rule, making it into a concise (and I do mean concise) rule statement, lists to remember, and lists of elements is all exhaustive but necessary work. So, save your money and spend only on blank cards and force yourself to make your own tools for memorization later.
Myth #6: I can study right up to the exam.
Truth: I, too, thought this. Wrong. Treat it like a marathon. You train, then you taper off just before the race. Allow two weeks prior to the exam to simply memorize, write out your approaches or cheat sheets or whatever you are doing to plan for essay issues, and do MBEs. Do not plan to write three essays a day during this time. It's too late then. Learning and practicing are different acts than memorizing, and you do have to memorize some for this exam because there's just so much stuff. Anyone who says you don't need rule statements in addition to analysis is lying to you.
Finally...
Myth #7: 'I am not smart enough to pass' (and it's corollary) 'I am smart enough to get by without working as much as others in order to pass'.
Truth: No. Not true. Lots of stupid people, mean people, brilliant people, nice people, and ethical people pass this test every single administration. If you do the work, you have a good chance of passing. If you do the work, you might still not pass. It's arbitrary. You get a grader who is assigning grades subjectively. There is absolutely no way to calibrate the written portion of the test to make some kind of magic formula that ensures complete objectivity in this exam. So, I instead stick with this philosophy.... I am smart, I worked hard and efficiently to prepare, and I just have to hope that I get the exam that shows my knowledge and skill and the bar gods smile on me this time.
'Nough said.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Monday, December 1, 2008
Vacation...
Ah... a few days of blissful relaxation and fun to be had at Disneyland and now I feel like I am actually ready to start facing the next step.
New things in my life:
1. working for myself (yay), not the man
2. working on how I am going to make this my last bar exam
Benefits of numbers 1 and 2:
1. more time
2. less stress
3. knowing that I know what it takes to pass
4. a LOT less exhaustion
Last February I went to the exam knowing that I knew the law and that I knew how to write essays and do reasonably well on the MBEs. The PTs, not so much. I took a two day seminar and it really didn't do much except tell me an order to do things and how to get through the library quickly. I also had not figured out how important not being exhausted was to getting through the afternoons.
So, after some reflection, I have arrived at this: The bar prep I did for the essays was excellent. I took a course similar to Essay Advantage that showed me all the ways I was messing up my essays and how to fix that. I also got back fifteen graded essays from them, which started off as 55's and 60's and after three or four turned into 70's and 75's. And lo and behold, my scores on the essay portion: nothing less and than a 65. Basically, I got the ten points per esssay increase I was looking for.
MBE's: it's funny, but I did a LOT less MBE's than the previous exam. I think I did about 2200 for the previous July. I did MBE's until I was so angst ridden about MBEs that I continually talked myself out of the right answer because I could remember having done that question but did not remember which answer I answered or whether the one I wanted to choose was the right one or not. For last February, I did maybe 600 MBE's, and followed the advice of my bar prep person instead. She said knowing the law was the key to the essays AND the MBE's. So, instead of doing lots of those, I focused on making my own flashcards for every single subject and then memorizing them, as well as my approaches/cheat sheets/whatever you want to call them precisely. Man, that was a lot of work, time consuming, and exhausting, but it was what I needed to do. My MBE score jumped some 25 raw points.
PT's: I had a sinking sensation during the Tuesday PT in February. That thing was hard. I was mentally tired from staying up until something a.m. almost every night for the last six weeks. I had gone full blast on the essays in the morning.... I was just tired and was having a hard time getting the nice clear focus that legal writing requires (at least for me). Then Thursday was just as bad, not because it was hard, but because I was that much more tired by Thursday afternoon. And it was con law stuff. Something about con law makes my eyes glaze over. It started with the professor I had in law school, whom I despised. And it continued with the extracurriculars I was doing while in that class to make for a sense of dread and horror when the different scrutinies must be remembered.
So, I walked out of February knowing that I did fine on the essays, fine on the MBEs, and that I probably got a 55 and a 60 or a 65 on the PTS.
And I was right.
So now, I still remember a lot of the rules verbatim. I still remember a lot of the MBEs. In a couple of hours I could get back my memorization on all my cheat sheets. The only area of struggle remains the PT.
However, I know how to write after having drafted hundreds of letters, many many carrier reports, ex parte applications, motions, summary judgment motions, appellate briefs, etc. I am just not worried about my writing skills. I am worried about being too tired to clearly focus. By 3:00, my brain starts turning in circles and I am far less able to focus and write something coherent.
I am down to thinking that simply sitting down, in a non-exigent, panicked way, and looking at some old PTs and some old answers is all I really need to do. That worked really, really well for me in law school. I used to do my outline, study it, get the law all memorized and shrunk down to manageable compartments in my head, and then look at old exams. I could review 5-6 of them and have a good handle on what that professor preferred for style, content, etc.
So, for anonymous who thinks I am not really wanting to pass the exam, I say, nope. You're absolutely wrong. First, I think people who don't pass and then say they didn't really want to be an attorney are saying that to make themselves feel better on at least some level. Sure, there may some validity to working in a law office and realizing that you are not cut out for the job, but the bottom line is this: nobody goes through three years of law school and multiple attempts at the bar exam to be deemed NOT good enough to practice as an attorney.
As for me personally, I was not sure that I wanted to actually be an attorney until after law school when I worked for good and bad attorneys and realized that I really, really, like the job itself. I get to go to work and think, my efforts have an effect on people in the real world (unlike academia, where you get to go and think but it is removed from practical application in many fields), you have flexibility of lifestyle and those with whom you work.... I like research, writing, order and organization, and I like the gamesmanship of figuring out the ways to use a rule/statute to accomplish a goal. In short, the only thing I despise about the law is summarizing medical records. And that just tells me I don't much want to do med mal or P.I. unless it is necessary.
Also to those who say that if you don't pass it's not because you wanted it bad enough, I would say that I guess I agree and disagree at the same time. Do I want to pass- sure. Do I want to pass enough to put my children and my husband on complete hold for an indeterminate length of time? nope. And sure, I did not pass on the first try. I did not pass on the second try (but I came damn close). But I will pass this test eventually, and I know that for sure. I am taking the exam until I pass it, but I am not spending 12 hours per day studying myself into a tizzy anymore to do it. I also don't need to do that anymore. After two study periods, there is not enough to do that I need to spend 12 hours a day. We're not reinventing the wheel, here. Starting from scratch is 12 hours per day. Tweaking and getting back up to speed is not 12 hours per day. It's about 4-6.
So, that's where I am at... now I gotta go get some work done so I can afford food and clothing and shelter and all that good stuff.
New things in my life:
1. working for myself (yay), not the man
2. working on how I am going to make this my last bar exam
Benefits of numbers 1 and 2:
1. more time
2. less stress
3. knowing that I know what it takes to pass
4. a LOT less exhaustion
Last February I went to the exam knowing that I knew the law and that I knew how to write essays and do reasonably well on the MBEs. The PTs, not so much. I took a two day seminar and it really didn't do much except tell me an order to do things and how to get through the library quickly. I also had not figured out how important not being exhausted was to getting through the afternoons.
So, after some reflection, I have arrived at this: The bar prep I did for the essays was excellent. I took a course similar to Essay Advantage that showed me all the ways I was messing up my essays and how to fix that. I also got back fifteen graded essays from them, which started off as 55's and 60's and after three or four turned into 70's and 75's. And lo and behold, my scores on the essay portion: nothing less and than a 65. Basically, I got the ten points per esssay increase I was looking for.
MBE's: it's funny, but I did a LOT less MBE's than the previous exam. I think I did about 2200 for the previous July. I did MBE's until I was so angst ridden about MBEs that I continually talked myself out of the right answer because I could remember having done that question but did not remember which answer I answered or whether the one I wanted to choose was the right one or not. For last February, I did maybe 600 MBE's, and followed the advice of my bar prep person instead. She said knowing the law was the key to the essays AND the MBE's. So, instead of doing lots of those, I focused on making my own flashcards for every single subject and then memorizing them, as well as my approaches/cheat sheets/whatever you want to call them precisely. Man, that was a lot of work, time consuming, and exhausting, but it was what I needed to do. My MBE score jumped some 25 raw points.
PT's: I had a sinking sensation during the Tuesday PT in February. That thing was hard. I was mentally tired from staying up until something a.m. almost every night for the last six weeks. I had gone full blast on the essays in the morning.... I was just tired and was having a hard time getting the nice clear focus that legal writing requires (at least for me). Then Thursday was just as bad, not because it was hard, but because I was that much more tired by Thursday afternoon. And it was con law stuff. Something about con law makes my eyes glaze over. It started with the professor I had in law school, whom I despised. And it continued with the extracurriculars I was doing while in that class to make for a sense of dread and horror when the different scrutinies must be remembered.
So, I walked out of February knowing that I did fine on the essays, fine on the MBEs, and that I probably got a 55 and a 60 or a 65 on the PTS.
And I was right.
So now, I still remember a lot of the rules verbatim. I still remember a lot of the MBEs. In a couple of hours I could get back my memorization on all my cheat sheets. The only area of struggle remains the PT.
However, I know how to write after having drafted hundreds of letters, many many carrier reports, ex parte applications, motions, summary judgment motions, appellate briefs, etc. I am just not worried about my writing skills. I am worried about being too tired to clearly focus. By 3:00, my brain starts turning in circles and I am far less able to focus and write something coherent.
I am down to thinking that simply sitting down, in a non-exigent, panicked way, and looking at some old PTs and some old answers is all I really need to do. That worked really, really well for me in law school. I used to do my outline, study it, get the law all memorized and shrunk down to manageable compartments in my head, and then look at old exams. I could review 5-6 of them and have a good handle on what that professor preferred for style, content, etc.
So, for anonymous who thinks I am not really wanting to pass the exam, I say, nope. You're absolutely wrong. First, I think people who don't pass and then say they didn't really want to be an attorney are saying that to make themselves feel better on at least some level. Sure, there may some validity to working in a law office and realizing that you are not cut out for the job, but the bottom line is this: nobody goes through three years of law school and multiple attempts at the bar exam to be deemed NOT good enough to practice as an attorney.
As for me personally, I was not sure that I wanted to actually be an attorney until after law school when I worked for good and bad attorneys and realized that I really, really, like the job itself. I get to go to work and think, my efforts have an effect on people in the real world (unlike academia, where you get to go and think but it is removed from practical application in many fields), you have flexibility of lifestyle and those with whom you work.... I like research, writing, order and organization, and I like the gamesmanship of figuring out the ways to use a rule/statute to accomplish a goal. In short, the only thing I despise about the law is summarizing medical records. And that just tells me I don't much want to do med mal or P.I. unless it is necessary.
Also to those who say that if you don't pass it's not because you wanted it bad enough, I would say that I guess I agree and disagree at the same time. Do I want to pass- sure. Do I want to pass enough to put my children and my husband on complete hold for an indeterminate length of time? nope. And sure, I did not pass on the first try. I did not pass on the second try (but I came damn close). But I will pass this test eventually, and I know that for sure. I am taking the exam until I pass it, but I am not spending 12 hours per day studying myself into a tizzy anymore to do it. I also don't need to do that anymore. After two study periods, there is not enough to do that I need to spend 12 hours a day. We're not reinventing the wheel, here. Starting from scratch is 12 hours per day. Tweaking and getting back up to speed is not 12 hours per day. It's about 4-6.
So, that's where I am at... now I gotta go get some work done so I can afford food and clothing and shelter and all that good stuff.
Invite...
Um, so I want an invite to read a couple of people's blogs... To both calbarblonde and lastcallatthecaliforniabar, email me at jen@guiltyminds.com and let me read! Come on, I'm staring the third time in the face... I need fellow commiseraters, here! (And I do not write insensitive, obnoxious comments, so there's no danger there.)
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Ugh...
So, initially on Friday evening, I of course started hearing from my friends who know friends from my law school, about who passed and who didn't.
On the one hand, I don't really begrudge anyone who has passed the California bar exam. On the other hand, hearing about those who passed just conjured up my feelings of anxiety and failure about having taken it in the past. I managed to feel overwhelming waves of failure even though I didn't take the damn thing in July....
Geez....
But, this evening I notice that Cal Bar None passed.... Congrats! I am so, so happy for you! Also, a woman that is in a similar position to me, who graduated a year before me who I had commiserated with in the past during bar prep, J.W., also finally passed, and I am so, so, SO happy for her. She totally deserves it. Knowing that people I like and was pulling for have passed doesn't make me feel bad about myself.
But my friend A. did not pass, so we will be visiting Sacramento in February together. Rat bastards. Well, I am feeling fortunate that at least I will have someone to have dinner with during the three days. Honestly, I'd rather have to eat by myself and save her the angst and anxiety, but what are you gonna do? It is what it is.
On the other hand... it's the people who I thought were just lazy or downright jerky during law school whose passing on the very first try gets to me. I know it shouldn't, but there's a little part of me that is a baby and feels like if I am a generous and nice person and I didn't pass, where is the justice in them passing.
But I got over it, and now I have registered (no snafus on effing THAT up again) and am working on what I think I need to do to make this my last sit for this stupid stupid STUPID exam that is of course a measure of your true worth as a human being and obviously an excellent measure of what an outstanding attorney you will be.... but at least I'm not bitter or anything. ;)
Alas, I am not yet certain what I need to do.
Memorize, certainly. Done.
Do some essays, yep.
Do a smattering of MBEs, absolutely.
Spend any money on bar prep? Not so sure about that.
I am just not sure spending any money will help. I mean, we are talking eleven points here. That's basically getting back up to speed and maintaining cool, calm, un-exhausted focus on the PTs and I will be there.
So, I am still working on the study plan...
Anyone who has ideas, I am open. Obviously, there will be more on this later...
On the one hand, I don't really begrudge anyone who has passed the California bar exam. On the other hand, hearing about those who passed just conjured up my feelings of anxiety and failure about having taken it in the past. I managed to feel overwhelming waves of failure even though I didn't take the damn thing in July....
Geez....
But, this evening I notice that Cal Bar None passed.... Congrats! I am so, so happy for you! Also, a woman that is in a similar position to me, who graduated a year before me who I had commiserated with in the past during bar prep, J.W., also finally passed, and I am so, so, SO happy for her. She totally deserves it. Knowing that people I like and was pulling for have passed doesn't make me feel bad about myself.
But my friend A. did not pass, so we will be visiting Sacramento in February together. Rat bastards. Well, I am feeling fortunate that at least I will have someone to have dinner with during the three days. Honestly, I'd rather have to eat by myself and save her the angst and anxiety, but what are you gonna do? It is what it is.
On the other hand... it's the people who I thought were just lazy or downright jerky during law school whose passing on the very first try gets to me. I know it shouldn't, but there's a little part of me that is a baby and feels like if I am a generous and nice person and I didn't pass, where is the justice in them passing.
But I got over it, and now I have registered (no snafus on effing THAT up again) and am working on what I think I need to do to make this my last sit for this stupid stupid STUPID exam that is of course a measure of your true worth as a human being and obviously an excellent measure of what an outstanding attorney you will be.... but at least I'm not bitter or anything. ;)
Alas, I am not yet certain what I need to do.
Memorize, certainly. Done.
Do some essays, yep.
Do a smattering of MBEs, absolutely.
Spend any money on bar prep? Not so sure about that.
I am just not sure spending any money will help. I mean, we are talking eleven points here. That's basically getting back up to speed and maintaining cool, calm, un-exhausted focus on the PTs and I will be there.
So, I am still working on the study plan...
Anyone who has ideas, I am open. Obviously, there will be more on this later...
Friday, November 21, 2008
bar...
Just want to say to all bar applicants who are biting their nails right now awaiting results.... Good Luck to you all and I hope you all NAIL THAT SUCKER.
I'll be eagerly awaiting your posts alerting us to your passage!
I'll be eagerly awaiting your posts alerting us to your passage!
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Huh?
Yesterday I realized there is a fundamental difference between me and other people I work with. The girl who does reception buzzed me for a weekly case status meeting. So, I come downstairs and I'm standing there waiting. She says, "I hate case status meetings..."
So, of course, I ask, "Why?"
"Because then I have things to do and I have to update the calendar to reflect everything that was assigned and it just makes work for me."
Um, that's weird. Cuz I was under the impression that having billable activity means the firm makes money and we all get paid and can eventually maybe get paid more. I actually look forward to case status meetings because I start working my way through my running to-do list and when I start running out of items, I start envisioning the unemployment line. New stuff to do means job security. Plus, being busy makes the day go so much faster.
Just sayin'.
So, of course, I ask, "Why?"
"Because then I have things to do and I have to update the calendar to reflect everything that was assigned and it just makes work for me."
Um, that's weird. Cuz I was under the impression that having billable activity means the firm makes money and we all get paid and can eventually maybe get paid more. I actually look forward to case status meetings because I start working my way through my running to-do list and when I start running out of items, I start envisioning the unemployment line. New stuff to do means job security. Plus, being busy makes the day go so much faster.
Just sayin'.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Bored...
It is possible that I flat out become bored easily....
I am largely done with all that is actually needing to be done right now on my desk. Short of starting on my trials coming up in a couple of months, I have nothing to do....
I am starting to think I need to work at a large firm, so there is constant stuff to do and I don't fall into slacker mode, which is what is happening to me right now....
I am largely done with all that is actually needing to be done right now on my desk. Short of starting on my trials coming up in a couple of months, I have nothing to do....
I am starting to think I need to work at a large firm, so there is constant stuff to do and I don't fall into slacker mode, which is what is happening to me right now....
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Boring...
I am sad to report that I am boring these days. Nothing exciting happening... nothing fun happening....
I will be going to Harvest Fair Awards Night on Saturday. That will be an evening of eating, drinking and general debauchery, but that is all.
I actually won something at the last shindig I went to. Every year there is the Taste of Sonoma County wine thingy that is basically an all day affair of all the best restaurants and wineries in Sonoma County out at McMurray Ranch (now owned by the Gallo's). No, I was not the glad winner of some great silent auction item, which by the way we were really irritated to find out the event now allows online advance bids, which means that some corporation or otherwise rich person got online and bid $400 for an item that was supposed to start at $50, thus making bidding completely useless. 90% of the items in the silent auction had only one bid. Where's the fun in THAT? WTF?
But I digress. Apparently in my semi-buzzed state I entered my information at the Buick booth and they picked my name as the winner for a Tiger Woods golf bag. Now, I'm not even sure what that is, and so when the lady called me from Buick a week later, I was simply disappointed to learn that I wasted some win karma on something I DIDN'T EVEN WANT IN THE FIRST PLACE.
However, a few days later, I was out to dinner and ran into an acquaintance of ours who we had seen at the event and when I said I won some random thing from Buick she said she had been hoping to win it to give to her boyfriend. Then she offered to buy it from me. We agreed I would happily take wine in trade (since her family is the Balletto's, whose wines I enjoy quite a bit, and quite often, I might add), so in the end, I was all happy about my win, and she was, too.
The thing came today in the mail, so I hauled the box in the house and it's now waiting for L to come and take it away and leave a bottle or two of lovely pinot noir or zinfandel in its place.
Ah, so things have a way of working themselves out, I suppose.
I will be going to Harvest Fair Awards Night on Saturday. That will be an evening of eating, drinking and general debauchery, but that is all.
I actually won something at the last shindig I went to. Every year there is the Taste of Sonoma County wine thingy that is basically an all day affair of all the best restaurants and wineries in Sonoma County out at McMurray Ranch (now owned by the Gallo's). No, I was not the glad winner of some great silent auction item, which by the way we were really irritated to find out the event now allows online advance bids, which means that some corporation or otherwise rich person got online and bid $400 for an item that was supposed to start at $50, thus making bidding completely useless. 90% of the items in the silent auction had only one bid. Where's the fun in THAT? WTF?
But I digress. Apparently in my semi-buzzed state I entered my information at the Buick booth and they picked my name as the winner for a Tiger Woods golf bag. Now, I'm not even sure what that is, and so when the lady called me from Buick a week later, I was simply disappointed to learn that I wasted some win karma on something I DIDN'T EVEN WANT IN THE FIRST PLACE.
However, a few days later, I was out to dinner and ran into an acquaintance of ours who we had seen at the event and when I said I won some random thing from Buick she said she had been hoping to win it to give to her boyfriend. Then she offered to buy it from me. We agreed I would happily take wine in trade (since her family is the Balletto's, whose wines I enjoy quite a bit, and quite often, I might add), so in the end, I was all happy about my win, and she was, too.
The thing came today in the mail, so I hauled the box in the house and it's now waiting for L to come and take it away and leave a bottle or two of lovely pinot noir or zinfandel in its place.
Ah, so things have a way of working themselves out, I suppose.
Monday, September 22, 2008
Shopping...
I want this.... Went shopping in Marin yesterday and looked for it, or something as cute and adorable, and was unable to find it.
I doubt I will last the week without ordering it. Once I get on a bag obsession, it's impossible to shake until I just buy the damn thing already. There is also one I like that is Zebra print at Piperlime, but this one is better. I love, love, love Orla Kiely....
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Friday, September 5, 2008
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Bitter...
So, someone said that my posts lately have been very bitter.... and although they did not leave their name, they are right.
Is an explosion imminent? Maybe. I'm actually not sure yet. Tonight I was told to "get the f*** out", so maybe.
It's funny... as long as I am the good wife, things go along nicely and everything is hunky dory. It's always been that way. But every time finals rolled around, or the bar exam, or my husband rode me to get a job, and then I got one, then the you-know-what hits the fan. So, basically, although no one can really explain what happens in a relationship so it makes sense to someone else... my husband seems to want both the happy stay-at-home mommy who bakes cookies and has a gourmet dinner ready when he walks in the door, and he also expects a wife who makes money and has interesting stuff to say about her job at the end of the day. The problem is, it is impossible for the average human to do all of that, so I am constantly trying to please, yet unable to, and then frustrated because I can't maintain that level of energy and output.
I've actually worked anywhere from 30 to 40+ hours per week for the last three years, while doing law school and studying for the bar, yet my husband still thinks of me as a stay-at-home mom. So, he has often come home and berated me for not getting something in the house done, saying "well, you were here all day..." A lot of times, that flat out was not true- I was at work all day, or I was working from home all day on an appellate brief or other contract work, yet his unflagging belief is that I am here, doing what needs to be done all day, every day, and that is my role.
I'm just not sure what to do about that. It's been three years..... and not. one. thing. has changed. At a certain point, you just can't expect someone to be the partner you thought they'd be.
Maybe he reads my blog. I doubt it. I really, really am sad to report that my husband is worried about himself. I'm not saying that to be mean, it's just a fact. He really does not care about how other people feel, for the vast majority of situations, so I just doubt that anything I write here, which by the way, I have said to him (as my policy is to never say anything about someone that I wouldn't say to their face) would make on iota of difference to him, even if I thought he was reading it.
So, yes, I have been somewhat bitter lately. And maybe I will become one of THOSE women. Whatever. I can't let fear over what anonymous people think make life altering decisions for me. I think the reason why there are so many of THOSE women, is because, no matter what the change that happens in your life, you finally have to learn when to fold a shitty hand. If getting through law school and being done with that level of constant stress gets you to the point where you just don't want to put up with any more stress and unrealistic expectations, then maybe that's a commentary on the men that can't handle a woman who has achieved an advanced degree and now makes more money, or even some money, and feels the need to be even more controlling in an effort to keep her in her place, rather than some kind of flaw in the woman herself.
And I own my mistakes. I know that I have partially created this monster, who is now used to certain things. But, at the same time, you reach a point where you look at a person, and you suddenly don't see a person who you love and loves you. You see someone who will go to any lengths to get what they want from you, when they want it, no matter what the toll on you. And that's a shocking turn of events, internally.
So, if you are upset about my bitter posts, I guess I could apologize, but I'm not sure what for. And I don't know that I would mean it. This blog has been very therapeutic for me, in a time of real turmoil and uncertainty, so I believe I will continue to be as honest as I have been. I will, however, try to title posts to alert readers to any bitter rants, and you may avoid as needed, if you feel it is depressing or not what you wish to read at that time. And that's about the best I can manage right now. I am at the end of my emotional rope right now, so I'm just not capable of any more.
And that's all I have to say about that.
Is an explosion imminent? Maybe. I'm actually not sure yet. Tonight I was told to "get the f*** out", so maybe.
It's funny... as long as I am the good wife, things go along nicely and everything is hunky dory. It's always been that way. But every time finals rolled around, or the bar exam, or my husband rode me to get a job, and then I got one, then the you-know-what hits the fan. So, basically, although no one can really explain what happens in a relationship so it makes sense to someone else... my husband seems to want both the happy stay-at-home mommy who bakes cookies and has a gourmet dinner ready when he walks in the door, and he also expects a wife who makes money and has interesting stuff to say about her job at the end of the day. The problem is, it is impossible for the average human to do all of that, so I am constantly trying to please, yet unable to, and then frustrated because I can't maintain that level of energy and output.
I've actually worked anywhere from 30 to 40+ hours per week for the last three years, while doing law school and studying for the bar, yet my husband still thinks of me as a stay-at-home mom. So, he has often come home and berated me for not getting something in the house done, saying "well, you were here all day..." A lot of times, that flat out was not true- I was at work all day, or I was working from home all day on an appellate brief or other contract work, yet his unflagging belief is that I am here, doing what needs to be done all day, every day, and that is my role.
I'm just not sure what to do about that. It's been three years..... and not. one. thing. has changed. At a certain point, you just can't expect someone to be the partner you thought they'd be.
Maybe he reads my blog. I doubt it. I really, really am sad to report that my husband is worried about himself. I'm not saying that to be mean, it's just a fact. He really does not care about how other people feel, for the vast majority of situations, so I just doubt that anything I write here, which by the way, I have said to him (as my policy is to never say anything about someone that I wouldn't say to their face) would make on iota of difference to him, even if I thought he was reading it.
So, yes, I have been somewhat bitter lately. And maybe I will become one of THOSE women. Whatever. I can't let fear over what anonymous people think make life altering decisions for me. I think the reason why there are so many of THOSE women, is because, no matter what the change that happens in your life, you finally have to learn when to fold a shitty hand. If getting through law school and being done with that level of constant stress gets you to the point where you just don't want to put up with any more stress and unrealistic expectations, then maybe that's a commentary on the men that can't handle a woman who has achieved an advanced degree and now makes more money, or even some money, and feels the need to be even more controlling in an effort to keep her in her place, rather than some kind of flaw in the woman herself.
And I own my mistakes. I know that I have partially created this monster, who is now used to certain things. But, at the same time, you reach a point where you look at a person, and you suddenly don't see a person who you love and loves you. You see someone who will go to any lengths to get what they want from you, when they want it, no matter what the toll on you. And that's a shocking turn of events, internally.
So, if you are upset about my bitter posts, I guess I could apologize, but I'm not sure what for. And I don't know that I would mean it. This blog has been very therapeutic for me, in a time of real turmoil and uncertainty, so I believe I will continue to be as honest as I have been. I will, however, try to title posts to alert readers to any bitter rants, and you may avoid as needed, if you feel it is depressing or not what you wish to read at that time. And that's about the best I can manage right now. I am at the end of my emotional rope right now, so I'm just not capable of any more.
And that's all I have to say about that.
Friday, August 29, 2008
Ashamed...
OK, now as ashamed as I am to admit this, I have resorted to watching The Girls Next Door on On Demand. It started because there was just nothing saved on the DVR and I needed something entertaining but mindless with my morning coffee, and I had already watched all the episodes of Tori & Dean (another embarrassing watch that I laugh at and ridicule every time I see it- "My baby is so beautiful. Sniff." You fake-cryin' fame slut!- but that's a separate post.)
Anyway, it is like the scene of an accident. I just could not stop staring in disbelief. I think these three girls might have two brain cells if they pool their resources, and they live with an 80 year old man, for crying out loud. I knew about the Heff before, maybe just in passing hearing about the Playboy mansion and all, but wow.
It's just so... wrong... and fascinating.
Not sure why, but I have now watched everything on On Demand (like an hour's worth- that's an hour of my life I will never get back) and I'm still marveling at the fact that someone, somewhere thought, "This will make an excellent TV show."
I can't wait for new shows to come back next week. And yes, I will be watching the new 90210, so I can lament on how bad it is, and how Gossip Girl is just going downhill with season 2 (it's 2, right? the strike really threw me off.) And how One Tree Hill has jumped the shark and all... TV is just so boring these days.... I need some Top Chef or something...
Anyway, it is like the scene of an accident. I just could not stop staring in disbelief. I think these three girls might have two brain cells if they pool their resources, and they live with an 80 year old man, for crying out loud. I knew about the Heff before, maybe just in passing hearing about the Playboy mansion and all, but wow.
It's just so... wrong... and fascinating.
Not sure why, but I have now watched everything on On Demand (like an hour's worth- that's an hour of my life I will never get back) and I'm still marveling at the fact that someone, somewhere thought, "This will make an excellent TV show."
I can't wait for new shows to come back next week. And yes, I will be watching the new 90210, so I can lament on how bad it is, and how Gossip Girl is just going downhill with season 2 (it's 2, right? the strike really threw me off.) And how One Tree Hill has jumped the shark and all... TV is just so boring these days.... I need some Top Chef or something...
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Wreck...
Had to attend an IME with a client today...
Now I'm a train wreck of frayed nerves. Doctor yelled at me during several of the 57 or so times I objected to his questions. Told client to strip, and client started to do so, right in front of me/us.
Hold the phone! Don't need to be seeing your skivvies.... Perhaps we could step out for a minute and give my client time to change... And he refused. What kind of doctor will not give you a chance to change? He pulled the man card, too.
"Well, maybe you'd be more comfortable stepping out since you're a woman. We're both men, so I don't need to give him privacy." I stared him down and he said, "well, if it will make you more comfortable..."
Why, yes, yes that would make me more comfortable, since I'm not about to leave you alone with my client.
Asshat.
But, it made me so nervous, which I didn't notice at the time, that after we got back to the office and the client left on his bike (he's an old homeless guy, for crying out loud- why you be pickin' on him?) my nerves were just shot. I realized how much I like my office, with it's insulating walls and no one there in person being confrontational. In writing or on the phone is one thing. Face to face, when my client is stripping his clothes off? Different story.
Now I'm a train wreck of frayed nerves. Doctor yelled at me during several of the 57 or so times I objected to his questions. Told client to strip, and client started to do so, right in front of me/us.
Hold the phone! Don't need to be seeing your skivvies.... Perhaps we could step out for a minute and give my client time to change... And he refused. What kind of doctor will not give you a chance to change? He pulled the man card, too.
"Well, maybe you'd be more comfortable stepping out since you're a woman. We're both men, so I don't need to give him privacy." I stared him down and he said, "well, if it will make you more comfortable..."
Why, yes, yes that would make me more comfortable, since I'm not about to leave you alone with my client.
Asshat.
But, it made me so nervous, which I didn't notice at the time, that after we got back to the office and the client left on his bike (he's an old homeless guy, for crying out loud- why you be pickin' on him?) my nerves were just shot. I realized how much I like my office, with it's insulating walls and no one there in person being confrontational. In writing or on the phone is one thing. Face to face, when my client is stripping his clothes off? Different story.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
UG...
Uh oh, I think Uptight Girl may have come to work today.
She only shows about once a week. The other days the girl is normal and nice and easy to deal with.
But I'm starting to see the signs that Uptight Girl is rearing her snippy head...
Pokes her head in my office. "Do you know the right way to cite to the Evidence Code?"
"Um, did you check the CA style manual?"
"Well, I used bluebook in law school." (read, snotty delivery)
"Oh, is it federal? I always use the style manual for California stuff. I think you abbreviate Evidence "Ev.""
"Well, I need it to be right. I just thought you might know the right way to do it. I need it to be right. It's for a demurrer."
Yeah, I usually like things to be wrong. It's just in my nature. I find that it's more fun to have to re-do things, so I like to live on the wild side and continually F things up. And my bosses have always really appreciated that.
Hey, why not just look it up instead of expecting me to be your personal style manual? That's all I'm saying....
She only shows about once a week. The other days the girl is normal and nice and easy to deal with.
But I'm starting to see the signs that Uptight Girl is rearing her snippy head...
Pokes her head in my office. "Do you know the right way to cite to the Evidence Code?"
"Um, did you check the CA style manual?"
"Well, I used bluebook in law school." (read, snotty delivery)
"Oh, is it federal? I always use the style manual for California stuff. I think you abbreviate Evidence "Ev.""
"Well, I need it to be right. I just thought you might know the right way to do it. I need it to be right. It's for a demurrer."
Yeah, I usually like things to be wrong. It's just in my nature. I find that it's more fun to have to re-do things, so I like to live on the wild side and continually F things up. And my bosses have always really appreciated that.
Hey, why not just look it up instead of expecting me to be your personal style manual? That's all I'm saying....
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Co-inkydink....
So the STORY this time (and I use that word liberally) was that he needed a ride to the junior college to pick up his truck. Supposedly, he finished class, went to go eat with his girlfriend, and his mom called and said someone ransacked her house. So, they drove down to his mom's house and the girlfriend just had to stay with the mom, so had no one to drive him to his truck, which would supposedly get towed from the junior college if left overnight.
My question is, why are people randomly ransacking his mother's house... where he used to live... and where he just can't live anymore... could it be because he got in trouble owing some peeps some money, or owes them something else, and they were trying to get it back?
Sounds like an episode of friggin' Law & Order, with the ransacked house by peeps looking for their missing drugs and shit.
Let's see...
Random alternating normal and then crazy, rude behavior? Yup.
Barely, and I DO mean barely, graduated from continuation high school... (had to go to night school all through the spring to get enough units to graduate at the last minute)
Pissed away $800 hubby insisted on giving him to buy a laptop for planned military stint...
Found out pissed away said laptop money because hubby's dad informed us he 'borrowed' $4,000 from good old grandpa to buy a beater truck and aforementioned laptop...
Has never been able to hold a job for more than four weeks...
Smelled weird stuff coming from the room when he was here up all night and sleeping all day as a senior in high school... (and I'm not talking weed because I know what THAT smells like. Geez. I'm not THAT old and ignorant)
Didn't make it in the military because of HEADACHES. Riiiiight. (never saw any discharge papers, so not sure I believe they gave him a medical discharge for something he never had before and has not had since and YOU CAN TAKE ASPIRIN FOR, for crying out loud.)
Didn't make it in the other state he moved to for a whole month, because his roommate wanted to sssshhhh (do drugs) and he just wasn't down with THAT.
All of a sudden couldn't live at his mom's anymore....
Showing up at the house demanding money at 1:00 in the morning...
Now the house he can't be at has been ransacked.
Co-inkydink?
I THINK NOT.
My question is, why are people randomly ransacking his mother's house... where he used to live... and where he just can't live anymore... could it be because he got in trouble owing some peeps some money, or owes them something else, and they were trying to get it back?
Sounds like an episode of friggin' Law & Order, with the ransacked house by peeps looking for their missing drugs and shit.
Let's see...
Random alternating normal and then crazy, rude behavior? Yup.
Barely, and I DO mean barely, graduated from continuation high school... (had to go to night school all through the spring to get enough units to graduate at the last minute)
Pissed away $800 hubby insisted on giving him to buy a laptop for planned military stint...
Found out pissed away said laptop money because hubby's dad informed us he 'borrowed' $4,000 from good old grandpa to buy a beater truck and aforementioned laptop...
Has never been able to hold a job for more than four weeks...
Smelled weird stuff coming from the room when he was here up all night and sleeping all day as a senior in high school... (and I'm not talking weed because I know what THAT smells like. Geez. I'm not THAT old and ignorant)
Didn't make it in the military because of HEADACHES. Riiiiight. (never saw any discharge papers, so not sure I believe they gave him a medical discharge for something he never had before and has not had since and YOU CAN TAKE ASPIRIN FOR, for crying out loud.)
Didn't make it in the other state he moved to for a whole month, because his roommate wanted to sssshhhh (do drugs) and he just wasn't down with THAT.
All of a sudden couldn't live at his mom's anymore....
Showing up at the house demanding money at 1:00 in the morning...
Now the house he can't be at has been ransacked.
Co-inkydink?
I THINK NOT.
Annoyed...
Know why I'm up right now?
Because, for the second time in the last couple of months, I have been awakened at midnight or later by my 19 year old stepson.
A month or so ago it was him demanding money for gas.
At one o'clock in the morning.
No joke.
This time, I answer the phone half asleep and have him yelling in my ear, "I need to talk to my dad."
"Um, do you know what time it is?" I really didn't know what time it was, I was actually really wanting to know.
"Yes, I know what time it is, and I wouldn't be calling if it wasn't important!"
Excuse me, but I think if I was calling people in the middle of the night to ask for something, I might actually be somewhat polite about it. You know, start with, 'sorry I'm calling so late' or something along those lines... I'm just saying.
So I say to the hubby, "Hey why are people calling you in the middle of the night?"
"No people call me in the middle of the night!"
"Uh, yeah, people are calling (buddy)"
So, he gets on the phone and there is some exchange which I imagine was some lame story like last time, when it was that he didn't know what the emergency was, but he needed gas to get out to his girlfriend's house. Keep in mind that he drove about 30 miles to our house to demand gas money to get to the girlfriend's house, which he could have gotten to in probably 26 miles, but whatever...
So, a minute later, hubby gets off phone. So....?
He wanted a ride down to the JC campus to pick up his truck, because he was driving his girlfriend's car right now. Um, let's see, most of the lots at the JC close at night and there are security guards and he won't get a ticket with his parking pass, so what makes this an emergency of midnight proportions? No one is in jail, no one is in the hospital, so I think that qualifies as a reason NOT to be calling here at midnight. I'm just saying.
Then hubby gets all righteous, "Well, you do things for your kids when you're a parent."
Uh, huh, and sometimes the doing something for your kids is actually saying no, I will not do that because you didn't bother to plan ahead and you need to plan ahead. I don't think I need to get up at this time of night and make this failure to plan my emergency.
I'm. Just. Sayin'.
Because, for the second time in the last couple of months, I have been awakened at midnight or later by my 19 year old stepson.
A month or so ago it was him demanding money for gas.
At one o'clock in the morning.
No joke.
This time, I answer the phone half asleep and have him yelling in my ear, "I need to talk to my dad."
"Um, do you know what time it is?" I really didn't know what time it was, I was actually really wanting to know.
"Yes, I know what time it is, and I wouldn't be calling if it wasn't important!"
Excuse me, but I think if I was calling people in the middle of the night to ask for something, I might actually be somewhat polite about it. You know, start with, 'sorry I'm calling so late' or something along those lines... I'm just saying.
So I say to the hubby, "Hey why are people calling you in the middle of the night?"
"No people call me in the middle of the night!"
"Uh, yeah, people are calling (buddy)"
So, he gets on the phone and there is some exchange which I imagine was some lame story like last time, when it was that he didn't know what the emergency was, but he needed gas to get out to his girlfriend's house. Keep in mind that he drove about 30 miles to our house to demand gas money to get to the girlfriend's house, which he could have gotten to in probably 26 miles, but whatever...
So, a minute later, hubby gets off phone. So....?
He wanted a ride down to the JC campus to pick up his truck, because he was driving his girlfriend's car right now. Um, let's see, most of the lots at the JC close at night and there are security guards and he won't get a ticket with his parking pass, so what makes this an emergency of midnight proportions? No one is in jail, no one is in the hospital, so I think that qualifies as a reason NOT to be calling here at midnight. I'm just saying.
Then hubby gets all righteous, "Well, you do things for your kids when you're a parent."
Uh, huh, and sometimes the doing something for your kids is actually saying no, I will not do that because you didn't bother to plan ahead and you need to plan ahead. I don't think I need to get up at this time of night and make this failure to plan my emergency.
I'm. Just. Sayin'.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Rude...
I never experienced so much rude before, but there are a LOT of people who call my office and are rude.
The clients are mostly okay so far. They seem to genuinely be looking for some help and want to help themselves. I'm sure I'll get a few that are trying. (Doing insurance defense, the ones with the small policies tended to ignore any calls from counsel's office, so I had a few that just did not return calls, which got me a little stressed when discovery deadlines loomed.)
But, man, I did not know how rude adjusters could be. They were always nice enough when they called the office when we were on their side, but they seem like they would gladly squish me like a wayward ant if given the opportunity now.
Plus, I think it's hilarious how attorneys' secretaries will get snotty and rude with me.
This was today's conversation:
Me: Hi, I was just calling to follow up on those possible deposition dates we discussed last week.
Mean Secretary Lady: Well, I was waiting for you to notice them.
Me: Oh, well, actually you mentioned that you wanted to check with your clients to see if they could be available those dates.
Mean Secretary Lady: Oh, that's right. Well, I don't know, but I will check with my attorney. (even though she knows his schedule, it's the clients she needs to check with.)
Me: Okay, now you know we are planning on doing these deposition in [city in between our cities]. (Our last discussion she insisted that it had been agreed we would have the depos at their office three hours away and acted shocked when I mentioned a city in between.)
Mean Secretary Lady: Well, my attorney says they have to be at our office.
Me: I see. Well, my attorney was specific about saying I should schedule them in [city in between].
Mean Secretary Lady: Well, they are our clients.
Me: Well, I believe the statute is pretty clear that we can compel your clients to travel up to 90 miles.
Mean Secretary Lady: Oh. Well, I'll ask my attorney but he's not going to like this.
Like I give a tiny rat's ass if your attorney expects you to able to bully me into having a depo three hours away from here when I know that not only does my boss NOT want to drive in city traffic for three hours, but I don't even have to have this conversation with you. I could just notice the depo and not even give you the courtesy of asking and make your precious clients drive 89.9 miles (just for kicks) to boot.
Needless to say, the attorney called me a little while later and was much nicer about asking if we could help him out, which made me feel more like helping him by choosing a location a little closer to them.
Sheesh.
And I've noticed that being super calm and ultra-polite with people who are snotty really, really irritates them, so if course that's what I do.
The clients are mostly okay so far. They seem to genuinely be looking for some help and want to help themselves. I'm sure I'll get a few that are trying. (Doing insurance defense, the ones with the small policies tended to ignore any calls from counsel's office, so I had a few that just did not return calls, which got me a little stressed when discovery deadlines loomed.)
But, man, I did not know how rude adjusters could be. They were always nice enough when they called the office when we were on their side, but they seem like they would gladly squish me like a wayward ant if given the opportunity now.
Plus, I think it's hilarious how attorneys' secretaries will get snotty and rude with me.
This was today's conversation:
Me: Hi, I was just calling to follow up on those possible deposition dates we discussed last week.
Mean Secretary Lady: Well, I was waiting for you to notice them.
Me: Oh, well, actually you mentioned that you wanted to check with your clients to see if they could be available those dates.
Mean Secretary Lady: Oh, that's right. Well, I don't know, but I will check with my attorney. (even though she knows his schedule, it's the clients she needs to check with.)
Me: Okay, now you know we are planning on doing these deposition in [city in between our cities]. (Our last discussion she insisted that it had been agreed we would have the depos at their office three hours away and acted shocked when I mentioned a city in between.)
Mean Secretary Lady: Well, my attorney says they have to be at our office.
Me: I see. Well, my attorney was specific about saying I should schedule them in [city in between].
Mean Secretary Lady: Well, they are our clients.
Me: Well, I believe the statute is pretty clear that we can compel your clients to travel up to 90 miles.
Mean Secretary Lady: Oh. Well, I'll ask my attorney but he's not going to like this.
Like I give a tiny rat's ass if your attorney expects you to able to bully me into having a depo three hours away from here when I know that not only does my boss NOT want to drive in city traffic for three hours, but I don't even have to have this conversation with you. I could just notice the depo and not even give you the courtesy of asking and make your precious clients drive 89.9 miles (just for kicks) to boot.
Needless to say, the attorney called me a little while later and was much nicer about asking if we could help him out, which made me feel more like helping him by choosing a location a little closer to them.
Sheesh.
And I've noticed that being super calm and ultra-polite with people who are snotty really, really irritates them, so if course that's what I do.
Friday, August 22, 2008
Mooning...
I haven't gotten the hang of how to put a video on here, so I'm just putting the link...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JTNlYhVF-E0
Unbelievable to me. What happened to CEDA debate? I did it in college and coached for several years... no one was screaming (well, they might have been screaming, but not obcenities) and no one was mooning and no one was crying (except in the privacy of the van on the way home if they lost).
This just makes me sad.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JTNlYhVF-E0
Unbelievable to me. What happened to CEDA debate? I did it in college and coached for several years... no one was screaming (well, they might have been screaming, but not obcenities) and no one was mooning and no one was crying (except in the privacy of the van on the way home if they lost).
This just makes me sad.
Sad...
Reminds me of the bar exam.... All that work for years and it all goes wrong in a small period of time...
When it's Not a Happy Ending
When it's Not a Happy Ending
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
UG...
Okay... shopping for jobs may still be my hobby because Uptight Girl is such a bitch.
Remember the case she dumped on me because the attorney said something to me about it? Well, I get back from lunch to a barrage of words from Uptight Girl.
We served a trial subpoena w/ docs on the county inspector for that case. Some lady called while I was at lunch and asked which documents we wanted. So instead of sending her to my voicemail or taking a message, Uptight Girl decides to check into it and draft a letter to the county lady. So, instead of saying, hey, some lady called and I asked Josh and took care of it, she starts telling me this long drawn out story about how this woman called, etc. So, I said three words, and she cuts me off with, "well, I'm about to tell you what's going on."
Excuse the fuck out of me. It sounds like you're asking me a question. Fucking bitch.
Then she says that she had to fix the case management statement that went out today because it was "sooo bad." Turns out her idea of "soo bad" was that I didn't put the same b.s. verbiage that she likes to use. Okay, no problem. You could just say, this is what we usually do. Not the same as I've been taught, but whatever.
She also goes on and on and on about how nobody knows how to do a proper verification, because they do pleading oaths and that's not a good verification. I will be damned if I can find anywhere where a verification on discovery needs to be anything specific. Even pleadings in California are not required to be sworn on information and belief. Seems to me the verifications that say information and belief in addition to under penalty of perjury are perfectly fine. Not that that has anything to do with this event, but it annoys me that she's so misinformed and is so righteous about it.
Then she says that she checks this one box on the CMC statement and then fills in the reason. I pointed out that it didn't make sense to check the box and also fill in the reason why you didn't do that, since it clearly indicated you should check if you did it and then not check and explain why you didn't. She says, "well, same thing." Um, you're the one complaining about small verbiage points. What you typically do here makes no sense whatsoever. But, of course, when I point that out, it's not important. When she wants to point something out, it's super important. Uh huh, I get it.
Then she says, to my face, that she now wants to call the lady who's now gone and tell her what just happened and how this stuff has been screwed up. Um, fuck you?
Yup. Fuck you.
Remember the case she dumped on me because the attorney said something to me about it? Well, I get back from lunch to a barrage of words from Uptight Girl.
We served a trial subpoena w/ docs on the county inspector for that case. Some lady called while I was at lunch and asked which documents we wanted. So instead of sending her to my voicemail or taking a message, Uptight Girl decides to check into it and draft a letter to the county lady. So, instead of saying, hey, some lady called and I asked Josh and took care of it, she starts telling me this long drawn out story about how this woman called, etc. So, I said three words, and she cuts me off with, "well, I'm about to tell you what's going on."
Excuse the fuck out of me. It sounds like you're asking me a question. Fucking bitch.
Then she says that she had to fix the case management statement that went out today because it was "sooo bad." Turns out her idea of "soo bad" was that I didn't put the same b.s. verbiage that she likes to use. Okay, no problem. You could just say, this is what we usually do. Not the same as I've been taught, but whatever.
She also goes on and on and on about how nobody knows how to do a proper verification, because they do pleading oaths and that's not a good verification. I will be damned if I can find anywhere where a verification on discovery needs to be anything specific. Even pleadings in California are not required to be sworn on information and belief. Seems to me the verifications that say information and belief in addition to under penalty of perjury are perfectly fine. Not that that has anything to do with this event, but it annoys me that she's so misinformed and is so righteous about it.
Then she says that she checks this one box on the CMC statement and then fills in the reason. I pointed out that it didn't make sense to check the box and also fill in the reason why you didn't do that, since it clearly indicated you should check if you did it and then not check and explain why you didn't. She says, "well, same thing." Um, you're the one complaining about small verbiage points. What you typically do here makes no sense whatsoever. But, of course, when I point that out, it's not important. When she wants to point something out, it's super important. Uh huh, I get it.
Then she says, to my face, that she now wants to call the lady who's now gone and tell her what just happened and how this stuff has been screwed up. Um, fuck you?
Yup. Fuck you.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
School...
I teared up as they marched off to class this morning...
My babies are no longer babies.... babyhood is all over with the arrival of the first day of kindergarten for my last baby, and second grade for my first baby...
Sniff.
My babies are no longer babies.... babyhood is all over with the arrival of the first day of kindergarten for my last baby, and second grade for my first baby...
Sniff.
UG....
I have dubbed the other paralegal girl Uptight Girl (UG) (although she HATES the term 'paralegal' and insists that she be called a 'law clerk', so it is particularly fun for me to now refer to her as a paralegal because I'm just passive aggressive that way).
Uptight Girl tells others in the office what their job is and what they should be doing at least ten or twenty times a day.
This morning, we were supposed to have a status meeting. This entails going through each case and making sure everyone knows what they are to do for their assigned cases. Basically there are two attorneys and two paralegals (ha!) and a collection of cases. The attorneys are assigned cases separately or together based on how they've decided to share costs and fees, and the paralegals (Ha, ha!) are assigned cases in turn so we each have an equal number of cases that we are handling at any given time.
So, I am inheriting some 19 cases. Uptight Girl has 18. She told me the other day that she would take the next case that came in in order to maintain parity. Okay, no problem.
After bitching for 10-15 minutes bitterly at how her time was being wasted and how ridiculous this all was, the attorney (the other one is on vacation) finished the phone call he was on and came to the meeting. Let me just say, I was distinctly uncomfortable siting there in the conference room, listening to such negativity for that length of time. It didn't even occur to me to be mad that I had to wait. I was getting paid to wait. What did it matter to me? It was a hell of a lot better than NOT getting paid to sit on my ass at home. (I'm just saying.)
Anyway, that episode made me kind of uncomfortable, but then, it got worse this afternoon. The attorney comes back from an appearance and came into my new office where I was talking about the calendar with the lady who's leaving. He starts telling her about a trial date that is coming up and saying he wants certain people subpoenaed with docs for trial. No problem. Calendaring is my job. Also, if the attorney tells me to do something, I do it, no matter what anyone else says.
But Uptight Girl did NOT like it. After he leaves my new office, she pokes her head in and says, "Well, since Mr. Attorney talked to you about that and that was my case, that's YOUR case now, since you apparently know all about it. You need to do everything on that case from now on."
Okay. Whatever. Ya FREAK! First of all, you AREN'T MY FUCKING BOSS, YOU ARE A PARALEGAL, (ha, ha, ha!) whether you think calling yourself a law clerk makes some kind of difference or not. Secondly, what's the BFD? The attorney just doesn't care who does stuff. He just wants the job done. Petty stuff just doesn't matter to him.
So, it kind of annoyed me, and it kind of just amused me at the same time. It annoyed me because her negative energy is taxing, and I just find myself feeling uncomfortable and stressed out when I'm around that kind of attitude. It amused me because I wasn't sure what she hoped to gain by dumping stuff on me. If she thinks I'm going to care, she's wrong, because I just like to be busy, and I want to learn what needs to be done, do a good job, and eventually be competent to run my own practice. She's not hurting me by being petulant about it.
I told my friend N about it, and she made some vague reference to dogs peeing around their territory. Yup, sounds about right to me, although I don't know much about dogs- we finally got one in October, and I never had one growing up, so the territory protection is completely foreign to me, especially when the dog is a paralegal (ha, ha, ha, ha!).
Uptight Girl tells others in the office what their job is and what they should be doing at least ten or twenty times a day.
This morning, we were supposed to have a status meeting. This entails going through each case and making sure everyone knows what they are to do for their assigned cases. Basically there are two attorneys and two paralegals (ha!) and a collection of cases. The attorneys are assigned cases separately or together based on how they've decided to share costs and fees, and the paralegals (Ha, ha!) are assigned cases in turn so we each have an equal number of cases that we are handling at any given time.
So, I am inheriting some 19 cases. Uptight Girl has 18. She told me the other day that she would take the next case that came in in order to maintain parity. Okay, no problem.
After bitching for 10-15 minutes bitterly at how her time was being wasted and how ridiculous this all was, the attorney (the other one is on vacation) finished the phone call he was on and came to the meeting. Let me just say, I was distinctly uncomfortable siting there in the conference room, listening to such negativity for that length of time. It didn't even occur to me to be mad that I had to wait. I was getting paid to wait. What did it matter to me? It was a hell of a lot better than NOT getting paid to sit on my ass at home. (I'm just saying.)
Anyway, that episode made me kind of uncomfortable, but then, it got worse this afternoon. The attorney comes back from an appearance and came into my new office where I was talking about the calendar with the lady who's leaving. He starts telling her about a trial date that is coming up and saying he wants certain people subpoenaed with docs for trial. No problem. Calendaring is my job. Also, if the attorney tells me to do something, I do it, no matter what anyone else says.
But Uptight Girl did NOT like it. After he leaves my new office, she pokes her head in and says, "Well, since Mr. Attorney talked to you about that and that was my case, that's YOUR case now, since you apparently know all about it. You need to do everything on that case from now on."
Okay. Whatever. Ya FREAK! First of all, you AREN'T MY FUCKING BOSS, YOU ARE A PARALEGAL, (ha, ha, ha!) whether you think calling yourself a law clerk makes some kind of difference or not. Secondly, what's the BFD? The attorney just doesn't care who does stuff. He just wants the job done. Petty stuff just doesn't matter to him.
So, it kind of annoyed me, and it kind of just amused me at the same time. It annoyed me because her negative energy is taxing, and I just find myself feeling uncomfortable and stressed out when I'm around that kind of attitude. It amused me because I wasn't sure what she hoped to gain by dumping stuff on me. If she thinks I'm going to care, she's wrong, because I just like to be busy, and I want to learn what needs to be done, do a good job, and eventually be competent to run my own practice. She's not hurting me by being petulant about it.
I told my friend N about it, and she made some vague reference to dogs peeing around their territory. Yup, sounds about right to me, although I don't know much about dogs- we finally got one in October, and I never had one growing up, so the territory protection is completely foreign to me, especially when the dog is a paralegal (ha, ha, ha, ha!).
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Reception...
The reception girl was out yesterday, so I got the pleasure of answering the phone and (wo)maning the front desk....
Phone call #1:
Me: Law Offices.
Caller: Hi, I need a lawyer because I bought hay for my horse and it was poisoned. My horse died and I'd like to sue.
Me: Um, let me see if Mr. Attorney can talk to you for a minute.
Exactly ninety seconds later....
Me: Law Offices.
Caller: Hi, I need a lawyer because I have a perverted retarded guy standing outside my house yelling obscenities (I won't list said obscenities because they are particularly vile) and "f***ing Lezzzzz-bian!" at my house all day. I want to sue.... somebody. Is there anyone I can sue for that?
Wow, this is already waaaaay more interesting than defense work.....
Phone call #1:
Me: Law Offices.
Caller: Hi, I need a lawyer because I bought hay for my horse and it was poisoned. My horse died and I'd like to sue.
Me: Um, let me see if Mr. Attorney can talk to you for a minute.
Exactly ninety seconds later....
Me: Law Offices.
Caller: Hi, I need a lawyer because I have a perverted retarded guy standing outside my house yelling obscenities (I won't list said obscenities because they are particularly vile) and "f***ing Lezzzzz-bian!" at my house all day. I want to sue.... somebody. Is there anyone I can sue for that?
Wow, this is already waaaaay more interesting than defense work.....
Monday, August 11, 2008
Really?
If you don't yet realize why I am aghast, look hard at what this tank top (spotted outside a Walmart, no less) was fashioned from.
I sooooo hope she remembered to cut out her baby daddy's skid marks.
Ew.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Weekend...
Went wine tasting with a couple of friends yesterday...
J is a fabulous place... they have the tasting set up at stations, so you progress through the winery for each part of the tasting flight. They also do a wine and food tasting with pairings, but we opted not to do that, since I had packed a picnic for us to have at a later stop. Their cuvee 20 is so delicious. Yum, yum. Oh, and they are also doing a single vineyard zinfandel that is really jammy with blueberry and dark berry... so yummy.
We also went and had a nice picnic at Robert Young. Sat by the fountain out on the patio and ate snackies... relaxing and good company. What a great Saturday.
From there, we visited Seghesio in downtown Healdsburg. It's about a block from the main square. The lady there was miffed when we were not interested in pinot grigio... I don't understand that. People come in tasting, and it's pretty common for us to go tasting and decide ahead of time we are looking to try new pinot noirs or zinfandels or some specific varietal, so I don't see why it would be an affront to the tasting room staff if I don't want to try everything they're pouring that day. She was appeased when we praised the zins, though, and bought their top end item, called Omaggio, which is a red blend. Lots of tannins and nicely full bodied. I'm thinking burgers would be a great accompaniment.
L had us over to her new apartment for dinner and poker. She got bored a few weeks ago and decided to talk her apartment complex into a bigger place, so we helped her move last weekend. the new place is much better. Plenty of room, nice and quiet, and we got a nice dinner prepared for us, to boot.
She got mad when I cleaned out her chips a couple of times, though. What's ironic is that i ended the evening about $3 up- not exactly a big windfall. But the husband made nearly $20- which means he took her money- yet she was bitter about how I was taking all her money. I'm tellin' ya, you just can't win. I DIDN'T win and I was in trouble as though I did. Hoping she'll get over it quick.
Things like this happen all the time with my husband. He is often mean to people, openly and to their face, and they still like him. It's like they gloss over it and don't notice- "Oh, he's a great guy!" I make a conscious effort to be kind and generous to people, and people get pissed at me. WTF?!
Unbelievable to me.
Tonight we're having some friends over to dinner. Think I'll make risotto... yum!
J is a fabulous place... they have the tasting set up at stations, so you progress through the winery for each part of the tasting flight. They also do a wine and food tasting with pairings, but we opted not to do that, since I had packed a picnic for us to have at a later stop. Their cuvee 20 is so delicious. Yum, yum. Oh, and they are also doing a single vineyard zinfandel that is really jammy with blueberry and dark berry... so yummy.
We also went and had a nice picnic at Robert Young. Sat by the fountain out on the patio and ate snackies... relaxing and good company. What a great Saturday.
From there, we visited Seghesio in downtown Healdsburg. It's about a block from the main square. The lady there was miffed when we were not interested in pinot grigio... I don't understand that. People come in tasting, and it's pretty common for us to go tasting and decide ahead of time we are looking to try new pinot noirs or zinfandels or some specific varietal, so I don't see why it would be an affront to the tasting room staff if I don't want to try everything they're pouring that day. She was appeased when we praised the zins, though, and bought their top end item, called Omaggio, which is a red blend. Lots of tannins and nicely full bodied. I'm thinking burgers would be a great accompaniment.
L had us over to her new apartment for dinner and poker. She got bored a few weeks ago and decided to talk her apartment complex into a bigger place, so we helped her move last weekend. the new place is much better. Plenty of room, nice and quiet, and we got a nice dinner prepared for us, to boot.
She got mad when I cleaned out her chips a couple of times, though. What's ironic is that i ended the evening about $3 up- not exactly a big windfall. But the husband made nearly $20- which means he took her money- yet she was bitter about how I was taking all her money. I'm tellin' ya, you just can't win. I DIDN'T win and I was in trouble as though I did. Hoping she'll get over it quick.
Things like this happen all the time with my husband. He is often mean to people, openly and to their face, and they still like him. It's like they gloss over it and don't notice- "Oh, he's a great guy!" I make a conscious effort to be kind and generous to people, and people get pissed at me. WTF?!
Unbelievable to me.
Tonight we're having some friends over to dinner. Think I'll make risotto... yum!
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Love...
Love the new job, love the new peeps there, love the new work, even though right now I'm drowning in the endless discovery of the case that is on emergency status right now.
Do not love the food all over the place. There was bagels and croissants in the morning, pizza at noon, and cake for someone's birthday this afternoon. I had to roll my ginormous ass out of there at 5:00, I'm tellin' ya.
Do not love the food all over the place. There was bagels and croissants in the morning, pizza at noon, and cake for someone's birthday this afternoon. I had to roll my ginormous ass out of there at 5:00, I'm tellin' ya.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Bullet...
Whew, I feel like I really dodged the bullet, since I completely SUCK at contracts/remedies questions (I never get how much time to spend on each of those distinct sections and end up missing the stuff I was s'posed to get.) and con law. Really bad at con law, as in, 50% of the questions I literally look at the question and think WTF? Then I have absolutely no idea what to write on the answer.
I hated that contracts/remedies question last July, too.
Really hopin' February is more like last February. That was a pretty okay test.
Oh, and my new guilty pleasure is Tori & Dean's reality show. It's like the scene of an accident: I just can't NOT look at it. And her husband reminds me of Slade from Real Housewives of Orange County. He's the type of guy I look at and and wonder how on God's green earth THAT person ever managed to come into money. Same with Tori. She's so plastic and looks like a drag queen. People actually came to her book signing and were talking about how much they loved her. What? What rock did you crawl out from under, people?
I'm just sayin'.
I hated that contracts/remedies question last July, too.
Really hopin' February is more like last February. That was a pretty okay test.
Oh, and my new guilty pleasure is Tori & Dean's reality show. It's like the scene of an accident: I just can't NOT look at it. And her husband reminds me of Slade from Real Housewives of Orange County. He's the type of guy I look at and and wonder how on God's green earth THAT person ever managed to come into money. Same with Tori. She's so plastic and looks like a drag queen. People actually came to her book signing and were talking about how much they loved her. What? What rock did you crawl out from under, people?
I'm just sayin'.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
No!...
Con Law on the essays... horror story performance tests...
Dear God I am glad I am NOT there right now. Especially since Con Law is my friggin' most HATED subject.
I smell what you're steppin' in... that's all I can say about that mess.
And... I hope you're wrong about your scores.
Dear God I am glad I am NOT there right now. Especially since Con Law is my friggin' most HATED subject.
I smell what you're steppin' in... that's all I can say about that mess.
And... I hope you're wrong about your scores.
Relief...
Got the offer.
Start Monday.
And everything is as it should be. I knew I screwed up registering for the July bar for some cosmic reason. I would have missed out on the perfect timing of this opportunity if I was stressed out and on my way to the bar the last few days....
Hope everyone there had a nice, cakewalk morning of essays and a performance test NOTHING like the horror that was the first PT in February. I really felt that I would not pass after that b.s. on Tuesday. And turns out, I was right. Both bar exams, the first afternoon PT has just screwed me over. Stoooopid 55.
But I'm not bitter or anything.
Start Monday.
And everything is as it should be. I knew I screwed up registering for the July bar for some cosmic reason. I would have missed out on the perfect timing of this opportunity if I was stressed out and on my way to the bar the last few days....
Hope everyone there had a nice, cakewalk morning of essays and a performance test NOTHING like the horror that was the first PT in February. I really felt that I would not pass after that b.s. on Tuesday. And turns out, I was right. Both bar exams, the first afternoon PT has just screwed me over. Stoooopid 55.
But I'm not bitter or anything.
Waiting...
Interviewed for job. Want job. Job people liked me. The whole thing hinges on whether the lady who is thinking of leaving makes the final decision to leave.
Argh! I'm dyin' over here!
It's so hard to find a position at a firm that does work you like, with attorneys you like, in a good location, family friendly, it's got all the markings of a place I would be happy at for a very long time. The lady who is "leaving" has been there a long time and was going somewhere else for a change of pace, as in a different area of law. But, she asked them if she could have an extra few days to maybe change her mind about leaving.
I interviewed there four months ago and they offered me a position, which I regretfully turned down. It was full time, I felt loyalty to my boss, I was exhausted after the February bar exam, all those kinds of things- basically it was just bad timing right then... But, I kept in touch with them and last week, I happened to send the attorney an e-mail mentioning I was job hunting.
So, really the interview was perfunctory. They said the only issue was they needed to discuss was money, and become certain the position was going to materialize.
So, now I'm waiting. I may have no nails left by the time I hear.
Please leave, please leave, please leave, please leave, please leave, please leave, please leave.....
Argh! I'm dyin' over here!
It's so hard to find a position at a firm that does work you like, with attorneys you like, in a good location, family friendly, it's got all the markings of a place I would be happy at for a very long time. The lady who is "leaving" has been there a long time and was going somewhere else for a change of pace, as in a different area of law. But, she asked them if she could have an extra few days to maybe change her mind about leaving.
I interviewed there four months ago and they offered me a position, which I regretfully turned down. It was full time, I felt loyalty to my boss, I was exhausted after the February bar exam, all those kinds of things- basically it was just bad timing right then... But, I kept in touch with them and last week, I happened to send the attorney an e-mail mentioning I was job hunting.
So, really the interview was perfunctory. They said the only issue was they needed to discuss was money, and become certain the position was going to materialize.
So, now I'm waiting. I may have no nails left by the time I hear.
Please leave, please leave, please leave, please leave, please leave, please leave, please leave.....
please.....
LEAVE........
List...
And why, you may ask, am I up at 3:10 a.m.? Not only was I brewing up a nice migraine so I couldn't sleep, I went to a job interview today. As I always arrive to job interviews half an hour early, I grabbed a book to entertain myself while waiting in the parking lot. Then after dinner, I picked it back up and read from page 21 to the end.
It's the best thing I've read in a long time. It's called The Next Thing On My List, by Jill Smolinski. The basic premise is this: girl is driving an acquaintance home and the acquaintance is killed in the car accident they experience. Survivor girl discovers (and keeps) the list of 20 things the dead girl wanted to do before her 25th birthday, and after six months of slothlike reality-TV-watching guilt, she is compelled to finish the list for the dead girl. The snowball of life changes for her are easy to spot coming, but so enjoyable and heart-warming that I literally read to the end without stopping. Thus 3:00 a.m.
The book has experienced a following, and Wendy Finerman (think The Devil Wears Prada) has bought the film rights. I sooooo can't wait for that movie. Hope they get someone good to play the lead, though. Not that annoying chick from Grey's Anatomy- she's completely overexposed. And not some ridiculously skinny chick, either, since they meet initially at a Weight Watcher's meeting... maybe Anne Hathaway... Kate Winslet... wow, the choices of normal sized women in Hollywood is pretty short, huh?
But I digress. You must read this book, especially now that bar hell is done. No excuses. I'm now working on my list... this is the rough draft.
Things to do before I turn 35 (next May 27)
#1. pass stupid bar exam
#2. have garage sale
#3. learn to cook fabulous ribs
#4. lose 30 pounds
#5. compete in a cooking contest
#6. learn to play guitar
#7. get a great haircut
#8. change someone's life
#9. bake bread from scratch
#10. master every sauce in James Peterson's Sauces
By 40:
#1. become a certified master gardener
#2. visit Italy
#3. write a book
#4. create a piece of art
#5. win a cooking contest
#6. celebrate my 10 year wedding anniversary
#7. celebrate my daughter's 10th birthday
#8. own a pair of shoes that cost more than $100
#9. buy a new house
#10. have at least one employee
Yeah, some of those are a stretch, but I figure you gotta reach or you'll never try.
Speaking of which, hope ya'll are reaching for the brass ring this week. Hope my list will inspire you to create your own, which you can get started on Friday... after the hangover wears off.
It's the best thing I've read in a long time. It's called The Next Thing On My List, by Jill Smolinski. The basic premise is this: girl is driving an acquaintance home and the acquaintance is killed in the car accident they experience. Survivor girl discovers (and keeps) the list of 20 things the dead girl wanted to do before her 25th birthday, and after six months of slothlike reality-TV-watching guilt, she is compelled to finish the list for the dead girl. The snowball of life changes for her are easy to spot coming, but so enjoyable and heart-warming that I literally read to the end without stopping. Thus 3:00 a.m.
The book has experienced a following, and Wendy Finerman (think The Devil Wears Prada) has bought the film rights. I sooooo can't wait for that movie. Hope they get someone good to play the lead, though. Not that annoying chick from Grey's Anatomy- she's completely overexposed. And not some ridiculously skinny chick, either, since they meet initially at a Weight Watcher's meeting... maybe Anne Hathaway... Kate Winslet... wow, the choices of normal sized women in Hollywood is pretty short, huh?
But I digress. You must read this book, especially now that bar hell is done. No excuses. I'm now working on my list... this is the rough draft.
Things to do before I turn 35 (next May 27)
#1. pass stupid bar exam
#2. have garage sale
#3. learn to cook fabulous ribs
#4. lose 30 pounds
#5. compete in a cooking contest
#6. learn to play guitar
#7. get a great haircut
#8. change someone's life
#9. bake bread from scratch
#10. master every sauce in James Peterson's Sauces
By 40:
#1. become a certified master gardener
#2. visit Italy
#3. write a book
#4. create a piece of art
#5. win a cooking contest
#6. celebrate my 10 year wedding anniversary
#7. celebrate my daughter's 10th birthday
#8. own a pair of shoes that cost more than $100
#9. buy a new house
#10. have at least one employee
Yeah, some of those are a stretch, but I figure you gotta reach or you'll never try.
Speaking of which, hope ya'll are reaching for the brass ring this week. Hope my list will inspire you to create your own, which you can get started on Friday... after the hangover wears off.
Monday, July 28, 2008
Tomorrow...
So, in case anyone is surfing the net in an effort to avoid thinking about 9:00 a.m. tomorrow, I just want to wish you good luck. You can totally do this. You know enough to do this. Just try to stay calm and remember all the things you know, and you won't have to do this again.
I will be thinking of you all and crossing my fingers for the repeaters I know going through this ridiculous process again. I'm sending all my best thoughts and luck your way!
Go get 'em, and post what the questions were, for my reading pleasure... I'll try not to have too much fun this week out of deference to you all.
I will be thinking of you all and crossing my fingers for the repeaters I know going through this ridiculous process again. I'm sending all my best thoughts and luck your way!
Go get 'em, and post what the questions were, for my reading pleasure... I'll try not to have too much fun this week out of deference to you all.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Friday, July 25, 2008
Wow...
A friend of mine is having a serious issue with her significant other. Serious as in, "You have 30 days to get treatment for your addictions or get out of the house," serious.
Wow. She came over and I was baking cookies and scolding the kids for not being kind to each other and getting ready to go to the pool for the afternoon.
THAT got me out of my funk, 'cause my spouse is normal, works a good job, speaks nicely to me, loves our kids, cuts the grass on the weekends- the whole nine yards. And is not doing any weird stuff that is addictive.
She started telling me the whole story, and I just thought, man you have bad luck with men.
Which got me started thinking... I know several women who are intelligent, successful in their professional lives, fun to be around, and yet they consistently end up with men that have some kind of major, and I do mean major, flaw. Addicts, men who are such complete jerks that their social life becomes the man because their friends can't stand the guy, non-ambitious types who never seem to get it together... I don't know where they keep finding these men, because I also meet so many intelligent, successful men who are kind and interesting...
Baffling to me...
Wow. She came over and I was baking cookies and scolding the kids for not being kind to each other and getting ready to go to the pool for the afternoon.
THAT got me out of my funk, 'cause my spouse is normal, works a good job, speaks nicely to me, loves our kids, cuts the grass on the weekends- the whole nine yards. And is not doing any weird stuff that is addictive.
She started telling me the whole story, and I just thought, man you have bad luck with men.
Which got me started thinking... I know several women who are intelligent, successful in their professional lives, fun to be around, and yet they consistently end up with men that have some kind of major, and I do mean major, flaw. Addicts, men who are such complete jerks that their social life becomes the man because their friends can't stand the guy, non-ambitious types who never seem to get it together... I don't know where they keep finding these men, because I also meet so many intelligent, successful men who are kind and interesting...
Baffling to me...
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Funk...
I realized my funk was the beginning of a nasty cold.
Head foggy, nose stuffy... I hate being sick in the summertime.
Head foggy, nose stuffy... I hate being sick in the summertime.
Monday, July 21, 2008
Tip...
For those studying right now, I came across a tip that I will be using in January. This is similar to what I did on the Cheat Sheets for February, resulting in knowing my approaches cold on test day. (If that method only helped me on the damn PT!)
Here is the link to Measuring Life's mini outline strategy...
Here is the link to Measuring Life's mini outline strategy...
Blue...
Still felt blah yesterday morning, so I went out and pulled weeds and worked in the garden and felt marginally better.
Thought about my situation. Realized that it's not the failing that bothers me as much as the explaining. Therefore, I hate going anywhere where I will see acquaintances who knew I was in law school.
Had to go to a baby shower for my husband's cousin on Saturday. I barely know his ginormous family, so I had to explain to all of them. Not only are baby showers exhausting, being forced to sit there with a bunch of people you don't know and make small talk, but I had to talk about how I am not a practicing lawyer, too.
I feel blue.
Thought about my situation. Realized that it's not the failing that bothers me as much as the explaining. Therefore, I hate going anywhere where I will see acquaintances who knew I was in law school.
Had to go to a baby shower for my husband's cousin on Saturday. I barely know his ginormous family, so I had to explain to all of them. Not only are baby showers exhausting, being forced to sit there with a bunch of people you don't know and make small talk, but I had to talk about how I am not a practicing lawyer, too.
I feel blue.
Friday, July 18, 2008
Humiliation...
So, yesterday I was looking around online and saw an excellent part-time legal position that, let's face it, I am overqualified for. But (again, let's face it) without the magic card, I'm overqualified for anything that doesn't require the card.
The catch? The online application required three letters of reference, and the application period closed today at 4:30. Yikes. So, I went to people I know well enough that I felt they would be willing to bang something out in a jiffy, and got the application submitted with five minutes to spare this afternoon.
One of the people I asked is my former moot court coach, whom I have had as a teacher, a coach, TA'd for, and been a research assistant for. He willingly wrote me a nice letter, of course, but, as I feared, I later got an e-mail asking when I was taking the bar again and what my plans were.
This was a dread producing e-mail for several reasons: 1) he only wants the best for me, 2) has always believed in me and encouraged me, 3) he completely expects that I will be an exellent lawyer, and 4) now I had to explain myself to him.
Just writing the reply, explaining that I missed by such a small margin, I'm planning on doing it again, but not until February, and that I was actually on the verge of a major emotional breakdown before this reprieve brought me to tears.
Now, I'm not the type to spend time crying over something like this. I mean, really- it sucks, sure, but what are you going to do: Cry about it or do something about it? So, crying every day is just not my style.
But having to explain to people who actually believe in me about how I wasn't able to live up to their expectations and hopes for me made me sad. And humiliated. Again.
Yeah.
The catch? The online application required three letters of reference, and the application period closed today at 4:30. Yikes. So, I went to people I know well enough that I felt they would be willing to bang something out in a jiffy, and got the application submitted with five minutes to spare this afternoon.
One of the people I asked is my former moot court coach, whom I have had as a teacher, a coach, TA'd for, and been a research assistant for. He willingly wrote me a nice letter, of course, but, as I feared, I later got an e-mail asking when I was taking the bar again and what my plans were.
This was a dread producing e-mail for several reasons: 1) he only wants the best for me, 2) has always believed in me and encouraged me, 3) he completely expects that I will be an exellent lawyer, and 4) now I had to explain myself to him.
Just writing the reply, explaining that I missed by such a small margin, I'm planning on doing it again, but not until February, and that I was actually on the verge of a major emotional breakdown before this reprieve brought me to tears.
Now, I'm not the type to spend time crying over something like this. I mean, really- it sucks, sure, but what are you going to do: Cry about it or do something about it? So, crying every day is just not my style.
But having to explain to people who actually believe in me about how I wasn't able to live up to their expectations and hopes for me made me sad. And humiliated. Again.
Yeah.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Bossman...
I am doing part-time work for an attorney right now. Basically, he hired me with the old bait and switch. I thought I was going to be doing some light marketing stuff, but it turns out, I am completely revamping his website. This is fine, and I have learned all about how to do a website, edit one, and make it conform to the marketing objectives of the firm, but it has been difficult for two reasons:
1) he has some of the technology in place, but it would actually be easier to start a website from scratch than figure out how to work with what he has going, so I have spent a lot of time figuring out the lay of the land, so to speak, in order to accomplish what he wants done, and
2) he is easily over excited. By this I mean he will call constantly to see when something will be done, or forget that I said in my e-mail I would be unavailable at a certain time and start calling me as soon as I am unavailable and leave urgent messages until I get back to him.
So, note to self. When a prospective boss (as with a prospective client) mentions people who have stopped working for him with no notice and without bothering to get paid that is a red flag. Also, when your initial meeting with the boss is at a Starbucks that they specify and you call them from the Starbucks at half an hour past the meeting time and they ask why you are not at their home office (for which you do not have the address), then that might be a red flag, too.
I'm just sayin'.
1) he has some of the technology in place, but it would actually be easier to start a website from scratch than figure out how to work with what he has going, so I have spent a lot of time figuring out the lay of the land, so to speak, in order to accomplish what he wants done, and
2) he is easily over excited. By this I mean he will call constantly to see when something will be done, or forget that I said in my e-mail I would be unavailable at a certain time and start calling me as soon as I am unavailable and leave urgent messages until I get back to him.
So, note to self. When a prospective boss (as with a prospective client) mentions people who have stopped working for him with no notice and without bothering to get paid that is a red flag. Also, when your initial meeting with the boss is at a Starbucks that they specify and you call them from the Starbucks at half an hour past the meeting time and they ask why you are not at their home office (for which you do not have the address), then that might be a red flag, too.
I'm just sayin'.
Monday, July 14, 2008
INXS...
I am watching One Tree Hill while doing my web changes for the attorney I am working for right now, and INXS is playing on the soundtrack.
Okay, I heard it, and yes, I watch One Tree Hill, and I make no apologies. I fully realize I am 1) too old because I am above the age of 13, 2) too unhip, because I always wonder why the girls are dressed like sluts, and 3) apparently also a friggin' dinosaur, since the "retro" music on this episode makes me wax nostalgic about freshman year of high school, for god's sake.
But still... the people are so pretty and "Never Tear Us Apart" is a good song.... I may need to get on itunes and download me some INXS, Black Crowes, Bobbie Brown, Salt n' Peppa, Restless Heart, old and therefore actually good Garth Brooks, Damn Yankees, Heart, Police, Sting, Van Halen, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Mr. Big, Paula Abdul, Mariah Carey, Janet Jackson and other assorted sundries that defined my high school years. Wow, that list is, for the most part, a whole load of crap music that I used to listen to.
I already did it for my college years. Made myself a playlist entitled "1998: Good Times".
Wow, I am old. On second thought, maybe I'll just update the website like I was s'posed to in the first place...
Okay, I heard it, and yes, I watch One Tree Hill, and I make no apologies. I fully realize I am 1) too old because I am above the age of 13, 2) too unhip, because I always wonder why the girls are dressed like sluts, and 3) apparently also a friggin' dinosaur, since the "retro" music on this episode makes me wax nostalgic about freshman year of high school, for god's sake.
But still... the people are so pretty and "Never Tear Us Apart" is a good song.... I may need to get on itunes and download me some INXS, Black Crowes, Bobbie Brown, Salt n' Peppa, Restless Heart, old and therefore actually good Garth Brooks, Damn Yankees, Heart, Police, Sting, Van Halen, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Mr. Big, Paula Abdul, Mariah Carey, Janet Jackson and other assorted sundries that defined my high school years. Wow, that list is, for the most part, a whole load of crap music that I used to listen to.
I already did it for my college years. Made myself a playlist entitled "1998: Good Times".
Wow, I am old. On second thought, maybe I'll just update the website like I was s'posed to in the first place...
Babies...
My kids are no longer babies....
Of course, they try to act like babies on occasion, but I realized tonight at dinner, when both of them had a hamburger, on a bun, that they had fixed themselves, including tomato and pickle and avacado and bacon condiments.... and they ate them like real people.
Yup, kids, not babies.
Not sure if I'm sad or happy about that. Probably a little of both.
Of course, they try to act like babies on occasion, but I realized tonight at dinner, when both of them had a hamburger, on a bun, that they had fixed themselves, including tomato and pickle and avacado and bacon condiments.... and they ate them like real people.
Yup, kids, not babies.
Not sure if I'm sad or happy about that. Probably a little of both.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Wine...
Yesterday was fun...
We were invited by my friend L, to a wine club event at La Crema Winery. I didn't really know what it was, so I was impressed when we got there and were greeted with a reception including wine and delicious hor doerves featuring local cheeses and other ingredients. Then, we moved further into the barrel room and sat down to a family style luncheon amongst the chardonnay barrels. The arugula salad with peaches and sliced almonds was fantastic. There was also sliced duck breast that was accompanied with roasted fingerling potatoes. Yum, yum.
I was also finally able to try the Nine Barrel La Crema wines. The concept behind the Nine Barrel is that the wine maker goes through all the barrels as they are aging and samples to determine the best of the best and the best nine get marked up with chalk, not to be used under threat of death. Those special barrels are used to make this reserve offering. I must say, the pinot AND the chardonnay were both delicious. The pinot was a soft, mellow, nicely complex version of the regular La Crema Pinot Noir. My only criticism would be the price. At $75 a bottle, I didn't prefer it over the regular $25 Law Crema to warrant buying the Nine Barrel over the regular one.
The Chardonnay was a classic Kendall Jackson style (at least to my palate). One whiff and the butter jumped out at you. Pretty sure they used malolactic fermentation (which I clearly can't spell, but means they do a second bacterial fermentation in the barrel that produces that buttery richness you get in many chardonnays). It was nicely balanced with some good acidity and lush fruits: think lemon, peach, melon, and of course, butter.
Then we went to Joseph Swan to taste. I wasn't super impressed. Let me preface this review with my personal preferences. I don't enjoy dessert wines and I don't drink syrah or petite syrah. Since their offering included a syrah, which I didn't drink, and a couple of white wines that I didn't try, I was basing my evaluation on a few reds. The pinot noirs were okay. Not so great I wanted to drink more, but decent. Then there were two zinfandels. The first was a 1998, that was surprisingly serviceable, but I wasn't blown away for the price. The second was a newer zin, and when the tasting room person warned me it has some residual sugar, I should have been warned off. It was like a mouthful of blueberry syrup. Bleck.
Then we went to Gary Farrell and, after tasting, bought a few things: Hallberg Pinot Noir and Russian River Pinot Noir and Encounter. Finally, we ended our day at Arista. Arista has a small collection of wines, but they are consistently delicious. They make a dry gewurtztraminer that is absolutely fabulous, and I am not a white wine drinker generally. I actually had a bottle of that with a friend at lunch a couple of weeks ago and it was the perfect summer lunch accompaniment. They also had two 2006 Pinot Noirs that were light, fruity (lots of cherry, raspberry, and strawberry), slightly earthy, and just downright good. I was glad to see that their wines have become less cranberry heavy. That has been my only complaint of their wines in the past- heavy cranberry flavors that overpower the other elements in the wine.
The tasting room at Arista is also beautiful. We have actually taken friends there and picnicked on the grounds, under the oak trees, and had a lovely time. They have a carefully crafted garden of natural rocks and ponds, with a winding path that invites a slow walk with a taste of their delicious wines. And the tasting room staff is super nice. I just enjoy that place every single time I go there. I highly recommend them on all fronts.
Then later we had a couple of friends over and played a little poker, drinking some of our newly purchased Gary Farrell. I did not do well at the poker, though. Hubby took all my chips a few times.
So, I had a wonderful day full of relaxation with friends and delicious wine and fabulous food. Now I just have to figure out how to duplicate that dressing for the peach and arugula salad...
We were invited by my friend L, to a wine club event at La Crema Winery. I didn't really know what it was, so I was impressed when we got there and were greeted with a reception including wine and delicious hor doerves featuring local cheeses and other ingredients. Then, we moved further into the barrel room and sat down to a family style luncheon amongst the chardonnay barrels. The arugula salad with peaches and sliced almonds was fantastic. There was also sliced duck breast that was accompanied with roasted fingerling potatoes. Yum, yum.
I was also finally able to try the Nine Barrel La Crema wines. The concept behind the Nine Barrel is that the wine maker goes through all the barrels as they are aging and samples to determine the best of the best and the best nine get marked up with chalk, not to be used under threat of death. Those special barrels are used to make this reserve offering. I must say, the pinot AND the chardonnay were both delicious. The pinot was a soft, mellow, nicely complex version of the regular La Crema Pinot Noir. My only criticism would be the price. At $75 a bottle, I didn't prefer it over the regular $25 Law Crema to warrant buying the Nine Barrel over the regular one.
The Chardonnay was a classic Kendall Jackson style (at least to my palate). One whiff and the butter jumped out at you. Pretty sure they used malolactic fermentation (which I clearly can't spell, but means they do a second bacterial fermentation in the barrel that produces that buttery richness you get in many chardonnays). It was nicely balanced with some good acidity and lush fruits: think lemon, peach, melon, and of course, butter.
Then we went to Joseph Swan to taste. I wasn't super impressed. Let me preface this review with my personal preferences. I don't enjoy dessert wines and I don't drink syrah or petite syrah. Since their offering included a syrah, which I didn't drink, and a couple of white wines that I didn't try, I was basing my evaluation on a few reds. The pinot noirs were okay. Not so great I wanted to drink more, but decent. Then there were two zinfandels. The first was a 1998, that was surprisingly serviceable, but I wasn't blown away for the price. The second was a newer zin, and when the tasting room person warned me it has some residual sugar, I should have been warned off. It was like a mouthful of blueberry syrup. Bleck.
Then we went to Gary Farrell and, after tasting, bought a few things: Hallberg Pinot Noir and Russian River Pinot Noir and Encounter. Finally, we ended our day at Arista. Arista has a small collection of wines, but they are consistently delicious. They make a dry gewurtztraminer that is absolutely fabulous, and I am not a white wine drinker generally. I actually had a bottle of that with a friend at lunch a couple of weeks ago and it was the perfect summer lunch accompaniment. They also had two 2006 Pinot Noirs that were light, fruity (lots of cherry, raspberry, and strawberry), slightly earthy, and just downright good. I was glad to see that their wines have become less cranberry heavy. That has been my only complaint of their wines in the past- heavy cranberry flavors that overpower the other elements in the wine.
The tasting room at Arista is also beautiful. We have actually taken friends there and picnicked on the grounds, under the oak trees, and had a lovely time. They have a carefully crafted garden of natural rocks and ponds, with a winding path that invites a slow walk with a taste of their delicious wines. And the tasting room staff is super nice. I just enjoy that place every single time I go there. I highly recommend them on all fronts.
Then later we had a couple of friends over and played a little poker, drinking some of our newly purchased Gary Farrell. I did not do well at the poker, though. Hubby took all my chips a few times.
So, I had a wonderful day full of relaxation with friends and delicious wine and fabulous food. Now I just have to figure out how to duplicate that dressing for the peach and arugula salad...
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