Humiliation...

So, yesterday I was looking around online and saw an excellent part-time legal position that, let's face it, I am overqualified for. But (again, let's face it) without the magic card, I'm overqualified for anything that doesn't require the card.

The catch? The online application required three letters of reference, and the application period closed today at 4:30. Yikes. So, I went to people I know well enough that I felt they would be willing to bang something out in a jiffy, and got the application submitted with five minutes to spare this afternoon.

One of the people I asked is my former moot court coach, whom I have had as a teacher, a coach, TA'd for, and been a research assistant for. He willingly wrote me a nice letter, of course, but, as I feared, I later got an e-mail asking when I was taking the bar again and what my plans were.

This was a dread producing e-mail for several reasons: 1) he only wants the best for me, 2) has always believed in me and encouraged me, 3) he completely expects that I will be an exellent lawyer, and 4) now I had to explain myself to him.

Just writing the reply, explaining that I missed by such a small margin, I'm planning on doing it again, but not until February, and that I was actually on the verge of a major emotional breakdown before this reprieve brought me to tears.

Now, I'm not the type to spend time crying over something like this. I mean, really- it sucks, sure, but what are you going to do: Cry about it or do something about it? So, crying every day is just not my style.

But having to explain to people who actually believe in me about how I wasn't able to live up to their expectations and hopes for me made me sad. And humiliated. Again.

Yeah.