Clients...

A very nice woman came in today for an intial consultation. She started to cry when she started explaining how she makes less because of a mandatory pay cut from the state, and she is struggling to pay the few bills she has.

I went and got her a tissue, we talked, and we figured out some things she can do to help with her financial issues.

Then I gave her her check back for her initial consultation.

My office manager/assistant was less than thrilled. She disagreed that I should be more concerned about this lady's finances than my own.

Granted, I like to pay my employees, and I like to make enough money to pay my bills, but I just cannot feel good about charging this lady for a consultation. She is hiring me to do some things for her, and that is enough.

I think there is a reason we are often called attorneys and counselors at law. You really do need to counsel people. Sometimes it's that they come in and have no idea what they can do to help their own situation and they are really at their wits end. Sometimes they are just in denial about their situation. I have had to tell people they can't afford their house. I then apologize, because I realize that's not the news they want to hear. However, usually they take it pretty well. Sometimes, I think it's what they need to hear from someone else that they trust and don't have to feel embarrassed to discuss financial issues with. Plus, I can deliver some good news about what their options are if they do walk away from the house.

So, the end result of today's experience is that I think if you cannot develop compassion, you make a crappy attorney. Even doing defense work, if you lack the ability to recognize that some people were indeed damaged, then you do your client a disservice when you fail to advise them of their exposure.

Okay, off my soapbox now.

Lawyering....

I have learned that being a lawyer means that most days no one is happy. Clients, especially plaintiffs, tend to require a lot of placating. This usually centers around a result/settlement not being good enough, their bill being too expensive, or not being able guarantee or give them absolutes on their situation.

Therefore, the clients who are kind, polite, and say thank you are so appreciated. And although I do it on pretty much every single file, I look for reasons to write down the time on those clients' files.

And that's about where I'm at today. Trying to be grateful for the delightful clients, and do what I can for the grouchy, unhappy ones without taking it personally that they seem to think I am not working enough in the way of miracles for them.

News...

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Huh?

Yesterday I realized there is a fundamental difference between me and other people I work with. The girl who does reception buzzed me for a weekly case status meeting. So, I come downstairs and I'm standing there waiting. She says, "I hate case status meetings..."

So, of course, I ask, "Why?"

"Because then I have things to do and I have to update the calendar to reflect everything that was assigned and it just makes work for me."

Um, that's weird. Cuz I was under the impression that having billable activity means the firm makes money and we all get paid and can eventually maybe get paid more. I actually look forward to case status meetings because I start working my way through my running to-do list and when I start running out of items, I start envisioning the unemployment line. New stuff to do means job security. Plus, being busy makes the day go so much faster.

Just sayin'.

Bored...

It is possible that I flat out become bored easily....

I am largely done with all that is actually needing to be done right now on my desk. Short of starting on my trials coming up in a couple of months, I have nothing to do....

I am starting to think I need to work at a large firm, so there is constant stuff to do and I don't fall into slacker mode, which is what is happening to me right now....

Rude...

I never experienced so much rude before, but there are a LOT of people who call my office and are rude.

The clients are mostly okay so far. They seem to genuinely be looking for some help and want to help themselves. I'm sure I'll get a few that are trying. (Doing insurance defense, the ones with the small policies tended to ignore any calls from counsel's office, so I had a few that just did not return calls, which got me a little stressed when discovery deadlines loomed.)

But, man, I did not know how rude adjusters could be. They were always nice enough when they called the office when we were on their side, but they seem like they would gladly squish me like a wayward ant if given the opportunity now.

Plus, I think it's hilarious how attorneys' secretaries will get snotty and rude with me.

This was today's conversation:

Me: Hi, I was just calling to follow up on those possible deposition dates we discussed last week.
Mean Secretary Lady: Well, I was waiting for you to notice them.
Me: Oh, well, actually you mentioned that you wanted to check with your clients to see if they could be available those dates.
Mean Secretary Lady: Oh, that's right. Well, I don't know, but I will check with my attorney. (even though she knows his schedule, it's the clients she needs to check with.)
Me: Okay, now you know we are planning on doing these deposition in [city in between our cities]. (Our last discussion she insisted that it had been agreed we would have the depos at their office three hours away and acted shocked when I mentioned a city in between.)
Mean Secretary Lady: Well, my attorney says they have to be at our office.
Me: I see. Well, my attorney was specific about saying I should schedule them in [city in between].
Mean Secretary Lady: Well, they are our clients.
Me: Well, I believe the statute is pretty clear that we can compel your clients to travel up to 90 miles.
Mean Secretary Lady: Oh. Well, I'll ask my attorney but he's not going to like this.

Like I give a tiny rat's ass if your attorney expects you to able to bully me into having a depo three hours away from here when I know that not only does my boss NOT want to drive in city traffic for three hours, but I don't even have to have this conversation with you. I could just notice the depo and not even give you the courtesy of asking and make your precious clients drive 89.9 miles (just for kicks) to boot.

Needless to say, the attorney called me a little while later and was much nicer about asking if we could help him out, which made me feel more like helping him by choosing a location a little closer to them.

Sheesh.

And I've noticed that being super calm and ultra-polite with people who are snotty really, really irritates them, so if course that's what I do.

UG...

Okay... shopping for jobs may still be my hobby because Uptight Girl is such a bitch.
Remember the case she dumped on me because the attorney said something to me about it? Well, I get back from lunch to a barrage of words from Uptight Girl.

We served a trial subpoena w/ docs on the county inspector for that case. Some lady called while I was at lunch and asked which documents we wanted. So instead of sending her to my voicemail or taking a message, Uptight Girl decides to check into it and draft a letter to the county lady. So, instead of saying, hey, some lady called and I asked Josh and took care of it, she starts telling me this long drawn out story about how this woman called, etc. So, I said three words, and she cuts me off with, "well, I'm about to tell you what's going on."

Excuse the fuck out of me. It sounds like you're asking me a question. Fucking bitch.

Then she says that she had to fix the case management statement that went out today because it was "sooo bad." Turns out her idea of "soo bad" was that I didn't put the same b.s. verbiage that she likes to use. Okay, no problem. You could just say, this is what we usually do. Not the same as I've been taught, but whatever.

She also goes on and on and on about how nobody knows how to do a proper verification, because they do pleading oaths and that's not a good verification. I will be damned if I can find anywhere where a verification on discovery needs to be anything specific. Even pleadings in California are not required to be sworn on information and belief. Seems to me the verifications that say information and belief in addition to under penalty of perjury are perfectly fine. Not that that has anything to do with this event, but it annoys me that she's so misinformed and is so righteous about it.

Then she says that she checks this one box on the CMC statement and then fills in the reason. I pointed out that it didn't make sense to check the box and also fill in the reason why you didn't do that, since it clearly indicated you should check if you did it and then not check and explain why you didn't. She says, "well, same thing." Um, you're the one complaining about small verbiage points. What you typically do here makes no sense whatsoever. But, of course, when I point that out, it's not important. When she wants to point something out, it's super important. Uh huh, I get it.

Then she says, to my face, that she now wants to call the lady who's now gone and tell her what just happened and how this stuff has been screwed up. Um, fuck you?
Yup. Fuck you.

UG....

I have dubbed the other paralegal girl Uptight Girl (UG) (although she HATES the term 'paralegal' and insists that she be called a 'law clerk', so it is particularly fun for me to now refer to her as a paralegal because I'm just passive aggressive that way).

Uptight Girl tells others in the office what their job is and what they should be doing at least ten or twenty times a day.

This morning, we were supposed to have a status meeting. This entails going through each case and making sure everyone knows what they are to do for their assigned cases. Basically there are two attorneys and two paralegals (ha!) and a collection of cases. The attorneys are assigned cases separately or together based on how they've decided to share costs and fees, and the paralegals (Ha, ha!) are assigned cases in turn so we each have an equal number of cases that we are handling at any given time.

So, I am inheriting some 19 cases. Uptight Girl has 18. She told me the other day that she would take the next case that came in in order to maintain parity. Okay, no problem.

After bitching for 10-15 minutes bitterly at how her time was being wasted and how ridiculous this all was, the attorney (the other one is on vacation) finished the phone call he was on and came to the meeting. Let me just say, I was distinctly uncomfortable siting there in the conference room, listening to such negativity for that length of time. It didn't even occur to me to be mad that I had to wait. I was getting paid to wait. What did it matter to me? It was a hell of a lot better than NOT getting paid to sit on my ass at home. (I'm just saying.)

Anyway, that episode made me kind of uncomfortable, but then, it got worse this afternoon. The attorney comes back from an appearance and came into my new office where I was talking about the calendar with the lady who's leaving. He starts telling her about a trial date that is coming up and saying he wants certain people subpoenaed with docs for trial. No problem. Calendaring is my job. Also, if the attorney tells me to do something, I do it, no matter what anyone else says.

But Uptight Girl did NOT like it. After he leaves my new office, she pokes her head in and says, "Well, since Mr. Attorney talked to you about that and that was my case, that's YOUR case now, since you apparently know all about it. You need to do everything on that case from now on."

Okay. Whatever. Ya FREAK! First of all, you AREN'T MY FUCKING BOSS, YOU ARE A PARALEGAL, (ha, ha, ha!) whether you think calling yourself a law clerk makes some kind of difference or not. Secondly, what's the BFD? The attorney just doesn't care who does stuff. He just wants the job done. Petty stuff just doesn't matter to him.

So, it kind of annoyed me, and it kind of just amused me at the same time. It annoyed me because her negative energy is taxing, and I just find myself feeling uncomfortable and stressed out when I'm around that kind of attitude. It amused me because I wasn't sure what she hoped to gain by dumping stuff on me. If she thinks I'm going to care, she's wrong, because I just like to be busy, and I want to learn what needs to be done, do a good job, and eventually be competent to run my own practice. She's not hurting me by being petulant about it.

I told my friend N about it, and she made some vague reference to dogs peeing around their territory. Yup, sounds about right to me, although I don't know much about dogs- we finally got one in October, and I never had one growing up, so the territory protection is completely foreign to me, especially when the dog is a paralegal (ha, ha, ha, ha!).

Reception...

The reception girl was out yesterday, so I got the pleasure of answering the phone and (wo)maning the front desk....

Phone call #1:

Me: Law Offices.
Caller: Hi, I need a lawyer because I bought hay for my horse and it was poisoned. My horse died and I'd like to sue.
Me: Um, let me see if Mr. Attorney can talk to you for a minute.

Exactly ninety seconds later....

Me: Law Offices.
Caller: Hi, I need a lawyer because I have a perverted retarded guy standing outside my house yelling obscenities (I won't list said obscenities because they are particularly vile) and "f***ing Lezzzzz-bian!" at my house all day. I want to sue.... somebody. Is there anyone I can sue for that?

Wow, this is already waaaaay more interesting than defense work.....

Love...

Love the new job, love the new peeps there, love the new work, even though right now I'm drowning in the endless discovery of the case that is on emergency status right now.

Do not love the food all over the place. There was bagels and croissants in the morning, pizza at noon, and cake for someone's birthday this afternoon. I had to roll my ginormous ass out of there at 5:00, I'm tellin' ya.

Relief...

Got the offer.

Start Monday.

And everything is as it should be. I knew I screwed up registering for the July bar for some cosmic reason. I would have missed out on the perfect timing of this opportunity if I was stressed out and on my way to the bar the last few days....

Hope everyone there had a nice, cakewalk morning of essays and a performance test NOTHING like the horror that was the first PT in February. I really felt that I would not pass after that b.s. on Tuesday. And turns out, I was right. Both bar exams, the first afternoon PT has just screwed me over. Stoooopid 55.

But I'm not bitter or anything.

Waiting...

Interviewed for job. Want job. Job people liked me. The whole thing hinges on whether the lady who is thinking of leaving makes the final decision to leave.

Argh! I'm dyin' over here!

It's so hard to find a position at a firm that does work you like, with attorneys you like, in a good location, family friendly, it's got all the markings of a place I would be happy at for a very long time. The lady who is "leaving" has been there a long time and was going somewhere else for a change of pace, as in a different area of law. But, she asked them if she could have an extra few days to maybe change her mind about leaving.

I interviewed there four months ago and they offered me a position, which I regretfully turned down. It was full time, I felt loyalty to my boss, I was exhausted after the February bar exam, all those kinds of things- basically it was just bad timing right then... But, I kept in touch with them and last week, I happened to send the attorney an e-mail mentioning I was job hunting.

So, really the interview was perfunctory. They said the only issue was they needed to discuss was money, and become certain the position was going to materialize.

So, now I'm waiting. I may have no nails left by the time I hear.

Please leave, please leave, please leave, please leave, please leave, please leave, please leave.....

please.....

LEAVE........

Bossman...

I am doing part-time work for an attorney right now. Basically, he hired me with the old bait and switch. I thought I was going to be doing some light marketing stuff, but it turns out, I am completely revamping his website. This is fine, and I have learned all about how to do a website, edit one, and make it conform to the marketing objectives of the firm, but it has been difficult for two reasons:

1) he has some of the technology in place, but it would actually be easier to start a website from scratch than figure out how to work with what he has going, so I have spent a lot of time figuring out the lay of the land, so to speak, in order to accomplish what he wants done, and

2) he is easily over excited. By this I mean he will call constantly to see when something will be done, or forget that I said in my e-mail I would be unavailable at a certain time and start calling me as soon as I am unavailable and leave urgent messages until I get back to him.

So, note to self. When a prospective boss (as with a prospective client) mentions people who have stopped working for him with no notice and without bothering to get paid that is a red flag. Also, when your initial meeting with the boss is at a Starbucks that they specify and you call them from the Starbucks at half an hour past the meeting time and they ask why you are not at their home office (for which you do not have the address), then that might be a red flag, too.

I'm just sayin'.

INXS...

I am watching One Tree Hill while doing my web changes for the attorney I am working for right now, and INXS is playing on the soundtrack.

Okay, I heard it, and yes, I watch One Tree Hill, and I make no apologies. I fully realize I am 1) too old because I am above the age of 13, 2) too unhip, because I always wonder why the girls are dressed like sluts, and 3) apparently also a friggin' dinosaur, since the "retro" music on this episode makes me wax nostalgic about freshman year of high school, for god's sake.

But still... the people are so pretty and "Never Tear Us Apart" is a good song.... I may need to get on itunes and download me some INXS, Black Crowes, Bobbie Brown, Salt n' Peppa, Restless Heart, old and therefore actually good Garth Brooks, Damn Yankees, Heart, Police, Sting, Van Halen, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Mr. Big, Paula Abdul, Mariah Carey, Janet Jackson and other assorted sundries that defined my high school years. Wow, that list is, for the most part, a whole load of crap music that I used to listen to.

I already did it for my college years. Made myself a playlist entitled "1998: Good Times".

Wow, I am old. On second thought, maybe I'll just update the website like I was s'posed to in the first place...

Fun...

Things I like and will miss about my job....

1. Writing legal arguments. I love those. Can't wait to have the stupid license to do it all the time. Case in point: the Settlement Conference Statement I'm doing right now. This case has been entertaining as hell, and has completely changed at least twice now, as we discover people now in jail and who were in jail and not doing what we thought they were when the incident happened. I wish I could tell you more, because it's basically a trailer trash jamboree, with the characters straight out of Cops.

2. My office, with its two walls of windows and view of greenery. So calming and soothing. Sigh.

3. My boss, who really is nice, despite being a attorney. ;) (Just kidding. He really is nice.)

4. The paycheck. The amount doesn't even matter, it's just the getting one. After a few years as a mommy only, the paycheck definitely makes you feel valuable again.

Hanif...

If you don't know what Hanif is, let me start by saying I despise Hanif. Hanif is the reason I had a headache when I left work today, and part of the reason why I am glad I put in my notice already.

Hanif is a California case that basically says a plaintiff can only recover what was actually paid on their medical bills (as in, their insurance paid it, so the doctor wrote the bill down and accepted less from the insurance company). What this means for me is that our crazy plaintiff who has more than 30 medical providers forces me to spend 5 hours trying to figure out what has been billed, what has been paid, and what is and is not relevant to the incident at issue in the litigation. (This plaintiff, like many, sees lots and lots of doctors and has for years prior to this fender bender rear ender at five miles per hour that plaintiff claims has made it so she cannot work again, ever.) (I am not saying there are not deserving plaintiffs. There are many deserving plaintiffs, just not this one.)

And while I'm ranting about things I don't like, such as medical special calculations, let me spend just a moment on medical records. I despise medical records also. Usually they are handwritten and then photocopied several times, so a good portion is illegible. And, every medical provider seems to use different terminology in their billing notes, so for me, it is difficult, if not impossible, to figure out what has been written off as an insurance adjustment and what is still outstanding and what has actually been paid. Add to that the fact that sometimes there are different amounts in different areas of the records, and you have a real mess to sift through. While I respect that it's excellent billable activity, I'd be perfectly happy not ever doing another medical record summary in my entire career.

So, to make a long story short. I am glad that I have one more week before all I have to do is study, and not do both, even if I will be completely poor as a result.

Just sayin'.

Decisions II...

Well, I did cry today.

Came to work, and as soon as I was able, I went in and gave my notice. After actually saying *IT*... that I just can't do a good job at work and do a good focused job at studying at the same time, I started to cry. Had to go in the bathroom to calm myself down. (Although I've been teetering on the edge of an emotional breakdown ever since results, so the waterworks are actually quite delayed in arriving.)

It's admitting the failure. Admitting that I can't do it all. I think that's why it's so hard.

But I also know I can't go through what I went through the last two times yet again. It's mentally exhausting. I'm exhausted just thinking about it, and I don't even know how I did it.

I just can't shake that feeling of "WTF?!" that I got yesterday when the partner was pointing out that I graduated with honors, made law review, was on moot court, where we became mini-celebrities by kicking ass at the competition, clerked at great firms, and now all that's missing is the card.

And thinking that I've gone a year and I'm no better off than I was post-graduation is just depressing. I know in actuality that's not true, because I now have a year of great practical experience, but it feels like everyone else has moved on and I have stayed the same.

So, no more. I'm not going to do the same thing again and expect a different result. That would just be stupid. I'm going to do what I planned on doing last summer before I got caught up in having an actual job and paying the bills. Sure, paying the bills is great, but this summer we're in a financial position to actually take the summer off, so I would be a fool not to.

So that's that.

Decisions...

I almost cried in an interview today.

Well, I should clarify that. I wanted to cry in an interview.

That's never happened before.

So, I applied for this paralegal position. Met with HR lady yesterday. She liked me, and set up an interview today with the partner. Partner asks me a few questions, and then basically stops the interview and tells me he thinks he would be doing me a disservice by hiring me for this job that, while I could certainly do it, I was not cut out for. He said he was interested in hiring me, but as an attorney, not a paralegal. Then he started saying that I didn't go through all of law school, do extracurriculars, get scholarships, do law review, only to be a paralegal.

Ouch. Did my dad just start talking? I think I even said my dad said the same thing.

So, the whole thing went from interview to pseudo-therapy session, where he advised me to do whatever I needed to do to get ready for July, and call him WHEN I passed the bar, not if.

So, that was eye opening. Someone I don't even know is telling me what they think is the best thing to do... definitely brings everything into stark reality.

So, this evening I will be looking at my bank account and trying to figure out if there's any way at all I can make it the next couple of months without a salary. It does help that my salary isn't all that much and half of it gets eaten up by daycare, which would go away if I was at home all day.

Of course then I have to get the okay from the hubby on quitting. Not sure how well that would go over at all.

To Job Or Not To Job...

So, here's my quandry...

I have a job, where I was hired to be an "associate." I was hired pending bar results. The person I replaced was there for thirteen years and had no interest in appearances or signing pleadings. Essentially this person was a paralegal with a JD, even though license was in hand. (I also am basically a paralegal and even though I will be called an associate post-licensing, that simply means a change in title and a very slight raise.)

When I didn't pass, my boss was not pleased, but he's very nice and understanding, kind of like my surrogate dad, and so he supported me in the second time around.

This time, I was not fired for non-passage (I prefer not to use the F word), but I'm concerned that he is thinking about it and I'm really worried the axe will come immediately before the 3 days in July, which will throw me into an emotional tailspin. I should mention that I really believe he is pleased with my work overall and the fact that I have been there a year and learned his quirks is definitely in my favor right now.

So, as a hobby, I apply for jobs. Kind of like the professional version of retail therapy... I think I like the thrill of someone calling me for an interview. "They like me, they really like me!" Definitely an ego boost when this whole year has been one big downer.

I turned down two jobs prior to bar results, thinking there was a good chance I passed and it would be fatalistic to take a paralegal position just because I was afraid of the possibility of not passing.

However now that has not occurred. I didn't pass. So, after applying to every job that shows up in my area that I am even remotely qualified for, I will be interviewing with a very well-respected firm in town- for a litigation paralegal position (which would be full-time rather than the 30 hours per week I work now.)

So, even though initially I got the thrill of "Yay me! They like me enough to talk to me." Now the issue becomes, should I leave? Should I go to full time? Should I settle for the paralegal position? Or, should I say screw it and quit my job cold turkey and study full-time all summer (instead of the wanky part-time studying that I am currently doing) so I can get this crap over with already and get my stupid card.

Something has happened to me over the past year. Somewhere between law student and law school graduate, I lost my decisiveness. I am constantly paralyzed with indecision, having no idea what is the right thing to do.

To job or not to job... and which job... that is the question....

Lunch...

I get lunch out, purchased by my boss. Yay!

Of course, I had to have a birthday to get it, but still. Eating lunch at a restaurant for grownups is still better than working on my settlement conference statement for an hour... Plus L is taking me out to dinner tonight for my B-day, too!

This is the last week of free eating until boot camp starts.

Yep, doing boot camp. Fitness boot camp, that is. Just like the one on The Real Housewives of Orange County. I need to lose the inches that have accumulated with each bar exam...

MBEs still suck. The Barbri ones are the worst, too. Really bad questions. I didn't see a single one on the February MBE that was like any of those Barbri workbook ones.

But, alas, my Strategies and Tactics replacement book has not come yet, so I'm stuck with Barbri until I get that or the next time I see A, who has my PMBR stuff right now...