It is possible that I flat out become bored easily....
I am largely done with all that is actually needing to be done right now on my desk. Short of starting on my trials coming up in a couple of months, I have nothing to do....
I am starting to think I need to work at a large firm, so there is constant stuff to do and I don't fall into slacker mode, which is what is happening to me right now....
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Boring...
I am sad to report that I am boring these days. Nothing exciting happening... nothing fun happening....
I will be going to Harvest Fair Awards Night on Saturday. That will be an evening of eating, drinking and general debauchery, but that is all.
I actually won something at the last shindig I went to. Every year there is the Taste of Sonoma County wine thingy that is basically an all day affair of all the best restaurants and wineries in Sonoma County out at McMurray Ranch (now owned by the Gallo's). No, I was not the glad winner of some great silent auction item, which by the way we were really irritated to find out the event now allows online advance bids, which means that some corporation or otherwise rich person got online and bid $400 for an item that was supposed to start at $50, thus making bidding completely useless. 90% of the items in the silent auction had only one bid. Where's the fun in THAT? WTF?
But I digress. Apparently in my semi-buzzed state I entered my information at the Buick booth and they picked my name as the winner for a Tiger Woods golf bag. Now, I'm not even sure what that is, and so when the lady called me from Buick a week later, I was simply disappointed to learn that I wasted some win karma on something I DIDN'T EVEN WANT IN THE FIRST PLACE.
However, a few days later, I was out to dinner and ran into an acquaintance of ours who we had seen at the event and when I said I won some random thing from Buick she said she had been hoping to win it to give to her boyfriend. Then she offered to buy it from me. We agreed I would happily take wine in trade (since her family is the Balletto's, whose wines I enjoy quite a bit, and quite often, I might add), so in the end, I was all happy about my win, and she was, too.
The thing came today in the mail, so I hauled the box in the house and it's now waiting for L to come and take it away and leave a bottle or two of lovely pinot noir or zinfandel in its place.
Ah, so things have a way of working themselves out, I suppose.
I will be going to Harvest Fair Awards Night on Saturday. That will be an evening of eating, drinking and general debauchery, but that is all.
I actually won something at the last shindig I went to. Every year there is the Taste of Sonoma County wine thingy that is basically an all day affair of all the best restaurants and wineries in Sonoma County out at McMurray Ranch (now owned by the Gallo's). No, I was not the glad winner of some great silent auction item, which by the way we were really irritated to find out the event now allows online advance bids, which means that some corporation or otherwise rich person got online and bid $400 for an item that was supposed to start at $50, thus making bidding completely useless. 90% of the items in the silent auction had only one bid. Where's the fun in THAT? WTF?
But I digress. Apparently in my semi-buzzed state I entered my information at the Buick booth and they picked my name as the winner for a Tiger Woods golf bag. Now, I'm not even sure what that is, and so when the lady called me from Buick a week later, I was simply disappointed to learn that I wasted some win karma on something I DIDN'T EVEN WANT IN THE FIRST PLACE.
However, a few days later, I was out to dinner and ran into an acquaintance of ours who we had seen at the event and when I said I won some random thing from Buick she said she had been hoping to win it to give to her boyfriend. Then she offered to buy it from me. We agreed I would happily take wine in trade (since her family is the Balletto's, whose wines I enjoy quite a bit, and quite often, I might add), so in the end, I was all happy about my win, and she was, too.
The thing came today in the mail, so I hauled the box in the house and it's now waiting for L to come and take it away and leave a bottle or two of lovely pinot noir or zinfandel in its place.
Ah, so things have a way of working themselves out, I suppose.
Monday, September 22, 2008
Shopping...
I want this.... Went shopping in Marin yesterday and looked for it, or something as cute and adorable, and was unable to find it.
I doubt I will last the week without ordering it. Once I get on a bag obsession, it's impossible to shake until I just buy the damn thing already. There is also one I like that is Zebra print at Piperlime, but this one is better. I love, love, love Orla Kiely....
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Friday, September 5, 2008
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Bitter...
So, someone said that my posts lately have been very bitter.... and although they did not leave their name, they are right.
Is an explosion imminent? Maybe. I'm actually not sure yet. Tonight I was told to "get the f*** out", so maybe.
It's funny... as long as I am the good wife, things go along nicely and everything is hunky dory. It's always been that way. But every time finals rolled around, or the bar exam, or my husband rode me to get a job, and then I got one, then the you-know-what hits the fan. So, basically, although no one can really explain what happens in a relationship so it makes sense to someone else... my husband seems to want both the happy stay-at-home mommy who bakes cookies and has a gourmet dinner ready when he walks in the door, and he also expects a wife who makes money and has interesting stuff to say about her job at the end of the day. The problem is, it is impossible for the average human to do all of that, so I am constantly trying to please, yet unable to, and then frustrated because I can't maintain that level of energy and output.
I've actually worked anywhere from 30 to 40+ hours per week for the last three years, while doing law school and studying for the bar, yet my husband still thinks of me as a stay-at-home mom. So, he has often come home and berated me for not getting something in the house done, saying "well, you were here all day..." A lot of times, that flat out was not true- I was at work all day, or I was working from home all day on an appellate brief or other contract work, yet his unflagging belief is that I am here, doing what needs to be done all day, every day, and that is my role.
I'm just not sure what to do about that. It's been three years..... and not. one. thing. has changed. At a certain point, you just can't expect someone to be the partner you thought they'd be.
Maybe he reads my blog. I doubt it. I really, really am sad to report that my husband is worried about himself. I'm not saying that to be mean, it's just a fact. He really does not care about how other people feel, for the vast majority of situations, so I just doubt that anything I write here, which by the way, I have said to him (as my policy is to never say anything about someone that I wouldn't say to their face) would make on iota of difference to him, even if I thought he was reading it.
So, yes, I have been somewhat bitter lately. And maybe I will become one of THOSE women. Whatever. I can't let fear over what anonymous people think make life altering decisions for me. I think the reason why there are so many of THOSE women, is because, no matter what the change that happens in your life, you finally have to learn when to fold a shitty hand. If getting through law school and being done with that level of constant stress gets you to the point where you just don't want to put up with any more stress and unrealistic expectations, then maybe that's a commentary on the men that can't handle a woman who has achieved an advanced degree and now makes more money, or even some money, and feels the need to be even more controlling in an effort to keep her in her place, rather than some kind of flaw in the woman herself.
And I own my mistakes. I know that I have partially created this monster, who is now used to certain things. But, at the same time, you reach a point where you look at a person, and you suddenly don't see a person who you love and loves you. You see someone who will go to any lengths to get what they want from you, when they want it, no matter what the toll on you. And that's a shocking turn of events, internally.
So, if you are upset about my bitter posts, I guess I could apologize, but I'm not sure what for. And I don't know that I would mean it. This blog has been very therapeutic for me, in a time of real turmoil and uncertainty, so I believe I will continue to be as honest as I have been. I will, however, try to title posts to alert readers to any bitter rants, and you may avoid as needed, if you feel it is depressing or not what you wish to read at that time. And that's about the best I can manage right now. I am at the end of my emotional rope right now, so I'm just not capable of any more.
And that's all I have to say about that.
Is an explosion imminent? Maybe. I'm actually not sure yet. Tonight I was told to "get the f*** out", so maybe.
It's funny... as long as I am the good wife, things go along nicely and everything is hunky dory. It's always been that way. But every time finals rolled around, or the bar exam, or my husband rode me to get a job, and then I got one, then the you-know-what hits the fan. So, basically, although no one can really explain what happens in a relationship so it makes sense to someone else... my husband seems to want both the happy stay-at-home mommy who bakes cookies and has a gourmet dinner ready when he walks in the door, and he also expects a wife who makes money and has interesting stuff to say about her job at the end of the day. The problem is, it is impossible for the average human to do all of that, so I am constantly trying to please, yet unable to, and then frustrated because I can't maintain that level of energy and output.
I've actually worked anywhere from 30 to 40+ hours per week for the last three years, while doing law school and studying for the bar, yet my husband still thinks of me as a stay-at-home mom. So, he has often come home and berated me for not getting something in the house done, saying "well, you were here all day..." A lot of times, that flat out was not true- I was at work all day, or I was working from home all day on an appellate brief or other contract work, yet his unflagging belief is that I am here, doing what needs to be done all day, every day, and that is my role.
I'm just not sure what to do about that. It's been three years..... and not. one. thing. has changed. At a certain point, you just can't expect someone to be the partner you thought they'd be.
Maybe he reads my blog. I doubt it. I really, really am sad to report that my husband is worried about himself. I'm not saying that to be mean, it's just a fact. He really does not care about how other people feel, for the vast majority of situations, so I just doubt that anything I write here, which by the way, I have said to him (as my policy is to never say anything about someone that I wouldn't say to their face) would make on iota of difference to him, even if I thought he was reading it.
So, yes, I have been somewhat bitter lately. And maybe I will become one of THOSE women. Whatever. I can't let fear over what anonymous people think make life altering decisions for me. I think the reason why there are so many of THOSE women, is because, no matter what the change that happens in your life, you finally have to learn when to fold a shitty hand. If getting through law school and being done with that level of constant stress gets you to the point where you just don't want to put up with any more stress and unrealistic expectations, then maybe that's a commentary on the men that can't handle a woman who has achieved an advanced degree and now makes more money, or even some money, and feels the need to be even more controlling in an effort to keep her in her place, rather than some kind of flaw in the woman herself.
And I own my mistakes. I know that I have partially created this monster, who is now used to certain things. But, at the same time, you reach a point where you look at a person, and you suddenly don't see a person who you love and loves you. You see someone who will go to any lengths to get what they want from you, when they want it, no matter what the toll on you. And that's a shocking turn of events, internally.
So, if you are upset about my bitter posts, I guess I could apologize, but I'm not sure what for. And I don't know that I would mean it. This blog has been very therapeutic for me, in a time of real turmoil and uncertainty, so I believe I will continue to be as honest as I have been. I will, however, try to title posts to alert readers to any bitter rants, and you may avoid as needed, if you feel it is depressing or not what you wish to read at that time. And that's about the best I can manage right now. I am at the end of my emotional rope right now, so I'm just not capable of any more.
And that's all I have to say about that.
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