Ashamed...

OK, now as ashamed as I am to admit this, I have resorted to watching The Girls Next Door on On Demand. It started because there was just nothing saved on the DVR and I needed something entertaining but mindless with my morning coffee, and I had already watched all the episodes of Tori & Dean (another embarrassing watch that I laugh at and ridicule every time I see it- "My baby is so beautiful. Sniff." You fake-cryin' fame slut!- but that's a separate post.)

Anyway, it is like the scene of an accident. I just could not stop staring in disbelief. I think these three girls might have two brain cells if they pool their resources, and they live with an 80 year old man, for crying out loud. I knew about the Heff before, maybe just in passing hearing about the Playboy mansion and all, but wow.

It's just so... wrong... and fascinating.

Not sure why, but I have now watched everything on On Demand (like an hour's worth- that's an hour of my life I will never get back) and I'm still marveling at the fact that someone, somewhere thought, "This will make an excellent TV show."

I can't wait for new shows to come back next week. And yes, I will be watching the new 90210, so I can lament on how bad it is, and how Gossip Girl is just going downhill with season 2 (it's 2, right? the strike really threw me off.) And how One Tree Hill has jumped the shark and all... TV is just so boring these days.... I need some Top Chef or something...

Wreck...

Had to attend an IME with a client today...

Now I'm a train wreck of frayed nerves. Doctor yelled at me during several of the 57 or so times I objected to his questions. Told client to strip, and client started to do so, right in front of me/us.

Hold the phone! Don't need to be seeing your skivvies.... Perhaps we could step out for a minute and give my client time to change... And he refused. What kind of doctor will not give you a chance to change? He pulled the man card, too.

"Well, maybe you'd be more comfortable stepping out since you're a woman. We're both men, so I don't need to give him privacy." I stared him down and he said, "well, if it will make you more comfortable..."

Why, yes, yes that would make me more comfortable, since I'm not about to leave you alone with my client.

Asshat.

But, it made me so nervous, which I didn't notice at the time, that after we got back to the office and the client left on his bike (he's an old homeless guy, for crying out loud- why you be pickin' on him?) my nerves were just shot. I realized how much I like my office, with it's insulating walls and no one there in person being confrontational. In writing or on the phone is one thing. Face to face, when my client is stripping his clothes off? Different story.

UG...

Uh oh, I think Uptight Girl may have come to work today.

She only shows about once a week. The other days the girl is normal and nice and easy to deal with.

But I'm starting to see the signs that Uptight Girl is rearing her snippy head...

Pokes her head in my office. "Do you know the right way to cite to the Evidence Code?"

"Um, did you check the CA style manual?"

"Well, I used bluebook in law school." (read, snotty delivery)

"Oh, is it federal? I always use the style manual for California stuff. I think you abbreviate Evidence "Ev.""

"Well, I need it to be right. I just thought you might know the right way to do it. I need it to be right. It's for a demurrer."

Yeah, I usually like things to be wrong. It's just in my nature. I find that it's more fun to have to re-do things, so I like to live on the wild side and continually F things up. And my bosses have always really appreciated that.

Hey, why not just look it up instead of expecting me to be your personal style manual? That's all I'm saying....

Co-inkydink....

So the STORY this time (and I use that word liberally) was that he needed a ride to the junior college to pick up his truck. Supposedly, he finished class, went to go eat with his girlfriend, and his mom called and said someone ransacked her house. So, they drove down to his mom's house and the girlfriend just had to stay with the mom, so had no one to drive him to his truck, which would supposedly get towed from the junior college if left overnight.

My question is, why are people randomly ransacking his mother's house... where he used to live... and where he just can't live anymore... could it be because he got in trouble owing some peeps some money, or owes them something else, and they were trying to get it back?

Sounds like an episode of friggin' Law & Order, with the ransacked house by peeps looking for their missing drugs and shit.

Let's see...
Random alternating normal and then crazy, rude behavior? Yup.

Barely, and I DO mean barely, graduated from continuation high school... (had to go to night school all through the spring to get enough units to graduate at the last minute)

Pissed away $800 hubby insisted on giving him to buy a laptop for planned military stint...

Found out pissed away said laptop money because hubby's dad informed us he 'borrowed' $4,000 from good old grandpa to buy a beater truck and aforementioned laptop...

Has never been able to hold a job for more than four weeks...

Smelled weird stuff coming from the room when he was here up all night and sleeping all day as a senior in high school... (and I'm not talking weed because I know what THAT smells like. Geez. I'm not THAT old and ignorant)

Didn't make it in the military because of HEADACHES. Riiiiight. (never saw any discharge papers, so not sure I believe they gave him a medical discharge for something he never had before and has not had since and YOU CAN TAKE ASPIRIN FOR, for crying out loud.)

Didn't make it in the other state he moved to for a whole month, because his roommate wanted to sssshhhh (do drugs) and he just wasn't down with THAT.

All of a sudden couldn't live at his mom's anymore....
Showing up at the house demanding money at 1:00 in the morning...
Now the house he can't be at has been ransacked.

Co-inkydink?
I THINK NOT.

Annoyed...

Know why I'm up right now?

Because, for the second time in the last couple of months, I have been awakened at midnight or later by my 19 year old stepson.

A month or so ago it was him demanding money for gas.

At one o'clock in the morning.

No joke.

This time, I answer the phone half asleep and have him yelling in my ear, "I need to talk to my dad."

"Um, do you know what time it is?" I really didn't know what time it was, I was actually really wanting to know.

"Yes, I know what time it is, and I wouldn't be calling if it wasn't important!"

Excuse me, but I think if I was calling people in the middle of the night to ask for something, I might actually be somewhat polite about it. You know, start with, 'sorry I'm calling so late' or something along those lines... I'm just saying.

So I say to the hubby, "Hey why are people calling you in the middle of the night?"

"No people call me in the middle of the night!"

"Uh, yeah, people are calling (buddy)"

So, he gets on the phone and there is some exchange which I imagine was some lame story like last time, when it was that he didn't know what the emergency was, but he needed gas to get out to his girlfriend's house. Keep in mind that he drove about 30 miles to our house to demand gas money to get to the girlfriend's house, which he could have gotten to in probably 26 miles, but whatever...

So, a minute later, hubby gets off phone. So....?

He wanted a ride down to the JC campus to pick up his truck, because he was driving his girlfriend's car right now. Um, let's see, most of the lots at the JC close at night and there are security guards and he won't get a ticket with his parking pass, so what makes this an emergency of midnight proportions? No one is in jail, no one is in the hospital, so I think that qualifies as a reason NOT to be calling here at midnight. I'm just saying.

Then hubby gets all righteous, "Well, you do things for your kids when you're a parent."

Uh, huh, and sometimes the doing something for your kids is actually saying no, I will not do that because you didn't bother to plan ahead and you need to plan ahead. I don't think I need to get up at this time of night and make this failure to plan my emergency.

I'm. Just. Sayin'.

Rude...

I never experienced so much rude before, but there are a LOT of people who call my office and are rude.

The clients are mostly okay so far. They seem to genuinely be looking for some help and want to help themselves. I'm sure I'll get a few that are trying. (Doing insurance defense, the ones with the small policies tended to ignore any calls from counsel's office, so I had a few that just did not return calls, which got me a little stressed when discovery deadlines loomed.)

But, man, I did not know how rude adjusters could be. They were always nice enough when they called the office when we were on their side, but they seem like they would gladly squish me like a wayward ant if given the opportunity now.

Plus, I think it's hilarious how attorneys' secretaries will get snotty and rude with me.

This was today's conversation:

Me: Hi, I was just calling to follow up on those possible deposition dates we discussed last week.
Mean Secretary Lady: Well, I was waiting for you to notice them.
Me: Oh, well, actually you mentioned that you wanted to check with your clients to see if they could be available those dates.
Mean Secretary Lady: Oh, that's right. Well, I don't know, but I will check with my attorney. (even though she knows his schedule, it's the clients she needs to check with.)
Me: Okay, now you know we are planning on doing these deposition in [city in between our cities]. (Our last discussion she insisted that it had been agreed we would have the depos at their office three hours away and acted shocked when I mentioned a city in between.)
Mean Secretary Lady: Well, my attorney says they have to be at our office.
Me: I see. Well, my attorney was specific about saying I should schedule them in [city in between].
Mean Secretary Lady: Well, they are our clients.
Me: Well, I believe the statute is pretty clear that we can compel your clients to travel up to 90 miles.
Mean Secretary Lady: Oh. Well, I'll ask my attorney but he's not going to like this.

Like I give a tiny rat's ass if your attorney expects you to able to bully me into having a depo three hours away from here when I know that not only does my boss NOT want to drive in city traffic for three hours, but I don't even have to have this conversation with you. I could just notice the depo and not even give you the courtesy of asking and make your precious clients drive 89.9 miles (just for kicks) to boot.

Needless to say, the attorney called me a little while later and was much nicer about asking if we could help him out, which made me feel more like helping him by choosing a location a little closer to them.

Sheesh.

And I've noticed that being super calm and ultra-polite with people who are snotty really, really irritates them, so if course that's what I do.

Mooning...

I haven't gotten the hang of how to put a video on here, so I'm just putting the link...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JTNlYhVF-E0

Unbelievable to me. What happened to CEDA debate? I did it in college and coached for several years... no one was screaming (well, they might have been screaming, but not obcenities) and no one was mooning and no one was crying (except in the privacy of the van on the way home if they lost).

This just makes me sad.

Sad...

Reminds me of the bar exam.... All that work for years and it all goes wrong in a small period of time...

When it's Not a Happy Ending

UG...

Okay... shopping for jobs may still be my hobby because Uptight Girl is such a bitch.
Remember the case she dumped on me because the attorney said something to me about it? Well, I get back from lunch to a barrage of words from Uptight Girl.

We served a trial subpoena w/ docs on the county inspector for that case. Some lady called while I was at lunch and asked which documents we wanted. So instead of sending her to my voicemail or taking a message, Uptight Girl decides to check into it and draft a letter to the county lady. So, instead of saying, hey, some lady called and I asked Josh and took care of it, she starts telling me this long drawn out story about how this woman called, etc. So, I said three words, and she cuts me off with, "well, I'm about to tell you what's going on."

Excuse the fuck out of me. It sounds like you're asking me a question. Fucking bitch.

Then she says that she had to fix the case management statement that went out today because it was "sooo bad." Turns out her idea of "soo bad" was that I didn't put the same b.s. verbiage that she likes to use. Okay, no problem. You could just say, this is what we usually do. Not the same as I've been taught, but whatever.

She also goes on and on and on about how nobody knows how to do a proper verification, because they do pleading oaths and that's not a good verification. I will be damned if I can find anywhere where a verification on discovery needs to be anything specific. Even pleadings in California are not required to be sworn on information and belief. Seems to me the verifications that say information and belief in addition to under penalty of perjury are perfectly fine. Not that that has anything to do with this event, but it annoys me that she's so misinformed and is so righteous about it.

Then she says that she checks this one box on the CMC statement and then fills in the reason. I pointed out that it didn't make sense to check the box and also fill in the reason why you didn't do that, since it clearly indicated you should check if you did it and then not check and explain why you didn't. She says, "well, same thing." Um, you're the one complaining about small verbiage points. What you typically do here makes no sense whatsoever. But, of course, when I point that out, it's not important. When she wants to point something out, it's super important. Uh huh, I get it.

Then she says, to my face, that she now wants to call the lady who's now gone and tell her what just happened and how this stuff has been screwed up. Um, fuck you?
Yup. Fuck you.

School...

I teared up as they marched off to class this morning...

My babies are no longer babies.... babyhood is all over with the arrival of the first day of kindergarten for my last baby, and second grade for my first baby...

Sniff.

UG....

I have dubbed the other paralegal girl Uptight Girl (UG) (although she HATES the term 'paralegal' and insists that she be called a 'law clerk', so it is particularly fun for me to now refer to her as a paralegal because I'm just passive aggressive that way).

Uptight Girl tells others in the office what their job is and what they should be doing at least ten or twenty times a day.

This morning, we were supposed to have a status meeting. This entails going through each case and making sure everyone knows what they are to do for their assigned cases. Basically there are two attorneys and two paralegals (ha!) and a collection of cases. The attorneys are assigned cases separately or together based on how they've decided to share costs and fees, and the paralegals (Ha, ha!) are assigned cases in turn so we each have an equal number of cases that we are handling at any given time.

So, I am inheriting some 19 cases. Uptight Girl has 18. She told me the other day that she would take the next case that came in in order to maintain parity. Okay, no problem.

After bitching for 10-15 minutes bitterly at how her time was being wasted and how ridiculous this all was, the attorney (the other one is on vacation) finished the phone call he was on and came to the meeting. Let me just say, I was distinctly uncomfortable siting there in the conference room, listening to such negativity for that length of time. It didn't even occur to me to be mad that I had to wait. I was getting paid to wait. What did it matter to me? It was a hell of a lot better than NOT getting paid to sit on my ass at home. (I'm just saying.)

Anyway, that episode made me kind of uncomfortable, but then, it got worse this afternoon. The attorney comes back from an appearance and came into my new office where I was talking about the calendar with the lady who's leaving. He starts telling her about a trial date that is coming up and saying he wants certain people subpoenaed with docs for trial. No problem. Calendaring is my job. Also, if the attorney tells me to do something, I do it, no matter what anyone else says.

But Uptight Girl did NOT like it. After he leaves my new office, she pokes her head in and says, "Well, since Mr. Attorney talked to you about that and that was my case, that's YOUR case now, since you apparently know all about it. You need to do everything on that case from now on."

Okay. Whatever. Ya FREAK! First of all, you AREN'T MY FUCKING BOSS, YOU ARE A PARALEGAL, (ha, ha, ha!) whether you think calling yourself a law clerk makes some kind of difference or not. Secondly, what's the BFD? The attorney just doesn't care who does stuff. He just wants the job done. Petty stuff just doesn't matter to him.

So, it kind of annoyed me, and it kind of just amused me at the same time. It annoyed me because her negative energy is taxing, and I just find myself feeling uncomfortable and stressed out when I'm around that kind of attitude. It amused me because I wasn't sure what she hoped to gain by dumping stuff on me. If she thinks I'm going to care, she's wrong, because I just like to be busy, and I want to learn what needs to be done, do a good job, and eventually be competent to run my own practice. She's not hurting me by being petulant about it.

I told my friend N about it, and she made some vague reference to dogs peeing around their territory. Yup, sounds about right to me, although I don't know much about dogs- we finally got one in October, and I never had one growing up, so the territory protection is completely foreign to me, especially when the dog is a paralegal (ha, ha, ha, ha!).

Reception...

The reception girl was out yesterday, so I got the pleasure of answering the phone and (wo)maning the front desk....

Phone call #1:

Me: Law Offices.
Caller: Hi, I need a lawyer because I bought hay for my horse and it was poisoned. My horse died and I'd like to sue.
Me: Um, let me see if Mr. Attorney can talk to you for a minute.

Exactly ninety seconds later....

Me: Law Offices.
Caller: Hi, I need a lawyer because I have a perverted retarded guy standing outside my house yelling obscenities (I won't list said obscenities because they are particularly vile) and "f***ing Lezzzzz-bian!" at my house all day. I want to sue.... somebody. Is there anyone I can sue for that?

Wow, this is already waaaaay more interesting than defense work.....

Really?

If you don't yet realize why I am aghast, look hard at what this tank top (spotted outside a Walmart, no less) was fashioned from.

I sooooo hope she remembered to cut out her baby daddy's skid marks.

Ew.

Weekend...

Went wine tasting with a couple of friends yesterday...

J is a fabulous place... they have the tasting set up at stations, so you progress through the winery for each part of the tasting flight. They also do a wine and food tasting with pairings, but we opted not to do that, since I had packed a picnic for us to have at a later stop. Their cuvee 20 is so delicious. Yum, yum. Oh, and they are also doing a single vineyard zinfandel that is really jammy with blueberry and dark berry... so yummy.

We also went and had a nice picnic at Robert Young. Sat by the fountain out on the patio and ate snackies... relaxing and good company. What a great Saturday.

From there, we visited Seghesio in downtown Healdsburg. It's about a block from the main square. The lady there was miffed when we were not interested in pinot grigio... I don't understand that. People come in tasting, and it's pretty common for us to go tasting and decide ahead of time we are looking to try new pinot noirs or zinfandels or some specific varietal, so I don't see why it would be an affront to the tasting room staff if I don't want to try everything they're pouring that day. She was appeased when we praised the zins, though, and bought their top end item, called Omaggio, which is a red blend. Lots of tannins and nicely full bodied. I'm thinking burgers would be a great accompaniment.

L had us over to her new apartment for dinner and poker. She got bored a few weeks ago and decided to talk her apartment complex into a bigger place, so we helped her move last weekend. the new place is much better. Plenty of room, nice and quiet, and we got a nice dinner prepared for us, to boot.

She got mad when I cleaned out her chips a couple of times, though. What's ironic is that i ended the evening about $3 up- not exactly a big windfall. But the husband made nearly $20- which means he took her money- yet she was bitter about how I was taking all her money. I'm tellin' ya, you just can't win. I DIDN'T win and I was in trouble as though I did. Hoping she'll get over it quick.

Things like this happen all the time with my husband. He is often mean to people, openly and to their face, and they still like him. It's like they gloss over it and don't notice- "Oh, he's a great guy!" I make a conscious effort to be kind and generous to people, and people get pissed at me. WTF?!

Unbelievable to me.

Tonight we're having some friends over to dinner. Think I'll make risotto... yum!

Love...

Love the new job, love the new peeps there, love the new work, even though right now I'm drowning in the endless discovery of the case that is on emergency status right now.

Do not love the food all over the place. There was bagels and croissants in the morning, pizza at noon, and cake for someone's birthday this afternoon. I had to roll my ginormous ass out of there at 5:00, I'm tellin' ya.