Bullet...

Whew, I feel like I really dodged the bullet, since I completely SUCK at contracts/remedies questions (I never get how much time to spend on each of those distinct sections and end up missing the stuff I was s'posed to get.) and con law. Really bad at con law, as in, 50% of the questions I literally look at the question and think WTF? Then I have absolutely no idea what to write on the answer.

I hated that contracts/remedies question last July, too.

Really hopin' February is more like last February. That was a pretty okay test.

Oh, and my new guilty pleasure is Tori & Dean's reality show. It's like the scene of an accident: I just can't NOT look at it. And her husband reminds me of Slade from Real Housewives of Orange County. He's the type of guy I look at and and wonder how on God's green earth THAT person ever managed to come into money. Same with Tori. She's so plastic and looks like a drag queen. People actually came to her book signing and were talking about how much they loved her. What? What rock did you crawl out from under, people?

I'm just sayin'.

No!...

Con Law on the essays... horror story performance tests...

Dear God I am glad I am NOT there right now. Especially since Con Law is my friggin' most HATED subject.

I smell what you're steppin' in... that's all I can say about that mess.

And... I hope you're wrong about your scores.

Relief...

Got the offer.

Start Monday.

And everything is as it should be. I knew I screwed up registering for the July bar for some cosmic reason. I would have missed out on the perfect timing of this opportunity if I was stressed out and on my way to the bar the last few days....

Hope everyone there had a nice, cakewalk morning of essays and a performance test NOTHING like the horror that was the first PT in February. I really felt that I would not pass after that b.s. on Tuesday. And turns out, I was right. Both bar exams, the first afternoon PT has just screwed me over. Stoooopid 55.

But I'm not bitter or anything.

Waiting...

Interviewed for job. Want job. Job people liked me. The whole thing hinges on whether the lady who is thinking of leaving makes the final decision to leave.

Argh! I'm dyin' over here!

It's so hard to find a position at a firm that does work you like, with attorneys you like, in a good location, family friendly, it's got all the markings of a place I would be happy at for a very long time. The lady who is "leaving" has been there a long time and was going somewhere else for a change of pace, as in a different area of law. But, she asked them if she could have an extra few days to maybe change her mind about leaving.

I interviewed there four months ago and they offered me a position, which I regretfully turned down. It was full time, I felt loyalty to my boss, I was exhausted after the February bar exam, all those kinds of things- basically it was just bad timing right then... But, I kept in touch with them and last week, I happened to send the attorney an e-mail mentioning I was job hunting.

So, really the interview was perfunctory. They said the only issue was they needed to discuss was money, and become certain the position was going to materialize.

So, now I'm waiting. I may have no nails left by the time I hear.

Please leave, please leave, please leave, please leave, please leave, please leave, please leave.....

please.....

LEAVE........

List...

And why, you may ask, am I up at 3:10 a.m.? Not only was I brewing up a nice migraine so I couldn't sleep, I went to a job interview today. As I always arrive to job interviews half an hour early, I grabbed a book to entertain myself while waiting in the parking lot. Then after dinner, I picked it back up and read from page 21 to the end.

It's the best thing I've read in a long time. It's called The Next Thing On My List, by Jill Smolinski. The basic premise is this: girl is driving an acquaintance home and the acquaintance is killed in the car accident they experience. Survivor girl discovers (and keeps) the list of 20 things the dead girl wanted to do before her 25th birthday, and after six months of slothlike reality-TV-watching guilt, she is compelled to finish the list for the dead girl. The snowball of life changes for her are easy to spot coming, but so enjoyable and heart-warming that I literally read to the end without stopping. Thus 3:00 a.m.

The book has experienced a following, and Wendy Finerman (think The Devil Wears Prada) has bought the film rights. I sooooo can't wait for that movie. Hope they get someone good to play the lead, though. Not that annoying chick from Grey's Anatomy- she's completely overexposed. And not some ridiculously skinny chick, either, since they meet initially at a Weight Watcher's meeting... maybe Anne Hathaway... Kate Winslet... wow, the choices of normal sized women in Hollywood is pretty short, huh?

But I digress. You must read this book, especially now that bar hell is done. No excuses. I'm now working on my list... this is the rough draft.

Things to do before I turn 35 (next May 27)

#1. pass stupid bar exam
#2. have garage sale
#3. learn to cook fabulous ribs
#4. lose 30 pounds
#5. compete in a cooking contest
#6. learn to play guitar
#7. get a great haircut
#8. change someone's life
#9. bake bread from scratch
#10. master every sauce in James Peterson's Sauces

By 40:

#1. become a certified master gardener
#2. visit Italy
#3. write a book
#4. create a piece of art
#5. win a cooking contest
#6. celebrate my 10 year wedding anniversary
#7. celebrate my daughter's 10th birthday
#8. own a pair of shoes that cost more than $100
#9. buy a new house
#10. have at least one employee

Yeah, some of those are a stretch, but I figure you gotta reach or you'll never try.

Speaking of which, hope ya'll are reaching for the brass ring this week. Hope my list will inspire you to create your own, which you can get started on Friday... after the hangover wears off.

Laugh...

If you need a laugh, click here.

Tomorrow...

So, in case anyone is surfing the net in an effort to avoid thinking about 9:00 a.m. tomorrow, I just want to wish you good luck. You can totally do this. You know enough to do this. Just try to stay calm and remember all the things you know, and you won't have to do this again.

I will be thinking of you all and crossing my fingers for the repeaters I know going through this ridiculous process again. I'm sending all my best thoughts and luck your way!

Go get 'em, and post what the questions were, for my reading pleasure... I'll try not to have too much fun this week out of deference to you all.

Mooovies...

Going to see Dark Knight today... no kids, no one eating my popcorn, good times!

Wow...

A friend of mine is having a serious issue with her significant other. Serious as in, "You have 30 days to get treatment for your addictions or get out of the house," serious.

Wow. She came over and I was baking cookies and scolding the kids for not being kind to each other and getting ready to go to the pool for the afternoon.

THAT got me out of my funk, 'cause my spouse is normal, works a good job, speaks nicely to me, loves our kids, cuts the grass on the weekends- the whole nine yards. And is not doing any weird stuff that is addictive.

She started telling me the whole story, and I just thought, man you have bad luck with men.

Which got me started thinking... I know several women who are intelligent, successful in their professional lives, fun to be around, and yet they consistently end up with men that have some kind of major, and I do mean major, flaw. Addicts, men who are such complete jerks that their social life becomes the man because their friends can't stand the guy, non-ambitious types who never seem to get it together... I don't know where they keep finding these men, because I also meet so many intelligent, successful men who are kind and interesting...

Baffling to me...

Funk...

I realized my funk was the beginning of a nasty cold.

Head foggy, nose stuffy... I hate being sick in the summertime.

Tip...

For those studying right now, I came across a tip that I will be using in January. This is similar to what I did on the Cheat Sheets for February, resulting in knowing my approaches cold on test day. (If that method only helped me on the damn PT!)

Here is the link to Measuring Life's mini outline strategy...

Blue...

Still felt blah yesterday morning, so I went out and pulled weeds and worked in the garden and felt marginally better.

Thought about my situation. Realized that it's not the failing that bothers me as much as the explaining. Therefore, I hate going anywhere where I will see acquaintances who knew I was in law school.

Had to go to a baby shower for my husband's cousin on Saturday. I barely know his ginormous family, so I had to explain to all of them. Not only are baby showers exhausting, being forced to sit there with a bunch of people you don't know and make small talk, but I had to talk about how I am not a practicing lawyer, too.

I feel blue.

Humiliation...

So, yesterday I was looking around online and saw an excellent part-time legal position that, let's face it, I am overqualified for. But (again, let's face it) without the magic card, I'm overqualified for anything that doesn't require the card.

The catch? The online application required three letters of reference, and the application period closed today at 4:30. Yikes. So, I went to people I know well enough that I felt they would be willing to bang something out in a jiffy, and got the application submitted with five minutes to spare this afternoon.

One of the people I asked is my former moot court coach, whom I have had as a teacher, a coach, TA'd for, and been a research assistant for. He willingly wrote me a nice letter, of course, but, as I feared, I later got an e-mail asking when I was taking the bar again and what my plans were.

This was a dread producing e-mail for several reasons: 1) he only wants the best for me, 2) has always believed in me and encouraged me, 3) he completely expects that I will be an exellent lawyer, and 4) now I had to explain myself to him.

Just writing the reply, explaining that I missed by such a small margin, I'm planning on doing it again, but not until February, and that I was actually on the verge of a major emotional breakdown before this reprieve brought me to tears.

Now, I'm not the type to spend time crying over something like this. I mean, really- it sucks, sure, but what are you going to do: Cry about it or do something about it? So, crying every day is just not my style.

But having to explain to people who actually believe in me about how I wasn't able to live up to their expectations and hopes for me made me sad. And humiliated. Again.

Yeah.

Bossman...

I am doing part-time work for an attorney right now. Basically, he hired me with the old bait and switch. I thought I was going to be doing some light marketing stuff, but it turns out, I am completely revamping his website. This is fine, and I have learned all about how to do a website, edit one, and make it conform to the marketing objectives of the firm, but it has been difficult for two reasons:

1) he has some of the technology in place, but it would actually be easier to start a website from scratch than figure out how to work with what he has going, so I have spent a lot of time figuring out the lay of the land, so to speak, in order to accomplish what he wants done, and

2) he is easily over excited. By this I mean he will call constantly to see when something will be done, or forget that I said in my e-mail I would be unavailable at a certain time and start calling me as soon as I am unavailable and leave urgent messages until I get back to him.

So, note to self. When a prospective boss (as with a prospective client) mentions people who have stopped working for him with no notice and without bothering to get paid that is a red flag. Also, when your initial meeting with the boss is at a Starbucks that they specify and you call them from the Starbucks at half an hour past the meeting time and they ask why you are not at their home office (for which you do not have the address), then that might be a red flag, too.

I'm just sayin'.

INXS...

I am watching One Tree Hill while doing my web changes for the attorney I am working for right now, and INXS is playing on the soundtrack.

Okay, I heard it, and yes, I watch One Tree Hill, and I make no apologies. I fully realize I am 1) too old because I am above the age of 13, 2) too unhip, because I always wonder why the girls are dressed like sluts, and 3) apparently also a friggin' dinosaur, since the "retro" music on this episode makes me wax nostalgic about freshman year of high school, for god's sake.

But still... the people are so pretty and "Never Tear Us Apart" is a good song.... I may need to get on itunes and download me some INXS, Black Crowes, Bobbie Brown, Salt n' Peppa, Restless Heart, old and therefore actually good Garth Brooks, Damn Yankees, Heart, Police, Sting, Van Halen, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Mr. Big, Paula Abdul, Mariah Carey, Janet Jackson and other assorted sundries that defined my high school years. Wow, that list is, for the most part, a whole load of crap music that I used to listen to.

I already did it for my college years. Made myself a playlist entitled "1998: Good Times".

Wow, I am old. On second thought, maybe I'll just update the website like I was s'posed to in the first place...

Babies...

My kids are no longer babies....

Of course, they try to act like babies on occasion, but I realized tonight at dinner, when both of them had a hamburger, on a bun, that they had fixed themselves, including tomato and pickle and avacado and bacon condiments.... and they ate them like real people.

Yup, kids, not babies.

Not sure if I'm sad or happy about that. Probably a little of both.

Wine...

Yesterday was fun...

We were invited by my friend L, to a wine club event at La Crema Winery. I didn't really know what it was, so I was impressed when we got there and were greeted with a reception including wine and delicious hor doerves featuring local cheeses and other ingredients. Then, we moved further into the barrel room and sat down to a family style luncheon amongst the chardonnay barrels. The arugula salad with peaches and sliced almonds was fantastic. There was also sliced duck breast that was accompanied with roasted fingerling potatoes. Yum, yum.

I was also finally able to try the Nine Barrel La Crema wines. The concept behind the Nine Barrel is that the wine maker goes through all the barrels as they are aging and samples to determine the best of the best and the best nine get marked up with chalk, not to be used under threat of death. Those special barrels are used to make this reserve offering. I must say, the pinot AND the chardonnay were both delicious. The pinot was a soft, mellow, nicely complex version of the regular La Crema Pinot Noir. My only criticism would be the price. At $75 a bottle, I didn't prefer it over the regular $25 Law Crema to warrant buying the Nine Barrel over the regular one.

The Chardonnay was a classic Kendall Jackson style (at least to my palate). One whiff and the butter jumped out at you. Pretty sure they used malolactic fermentation (which I clearly can't spell, but means they do a second bacterial fermentation in the barrel that produces that buttery richness you get in many chardonnays). It was nicely balanced with some good acidity and lush fruits: think lemon, peach, melon, and of course, butter.

Then we went to Joseph Swan to taste. I wasn't super impressed. Let me preface this review with my personal preferences. I don't enjoy dessert wines and I don't drink syrah or petite syrah. Since their offering included a syrah, which I didn't drink, and a couple of white wines that I didn't try, I was basing my evaluation on a few reds. The pinot noirs were okay. Not so great I wanted to drink more, but decent. Then there were two zinfandels. The first was a 1998, that was surprisingly serviceable, but I wasn't blown away for the price. The second was a newer zin, and when the tasting room person warned me it has some residual sugar, I should have been warned off. It was like a mouthful of blueberry syrup. Bleck.

Then we went to Gary Farrell and, after tasting, bought a few things: Hallberg Pinot Noir and Russian River Pinot Noir and Encounter. Finally, we ended our day at Arista. Arista has a small collection of wines, but they are consistently delicious. They make a dry gewurtztraminer that is absolutely fabulous, and I am not a white wine drinker generally. I actually had a bottle of that with a friend at lunch a couple of weeks ago and it was the perfect summer lunch accompaniment. They also had two 2006 Pinot Noirs that were light, fruity (lots of cherry, raspberry, and strawberry), slightly earthy, and just downright good. I was glad to see that their wines have become less cranberry heavy. That has been my only complaint of their wines in the past- heavy cranberry flavors that overpower the other elements in the wine.

The tasting room at Arista is also beautiful. We have actually taken friends there and picnicked on the grounds, under the oak trees, and had a lovely time. They have a carefully crafted garden of natural rocks and ponds, with a winding path that invites a slow walk with a taste of their delicious wines. And the tasting room staff is super nice. I just enjoy that place every single time I go there. I highly recommend them on all fronts.

Then later we had a couple of friends over and played a little poker, drinking some of our newly purchased Gary Farrell. I did not do well at the poker, though. Hubby took all my chips a few times.

So, I had a wonderful day full of relaxation with friends and delicious wine and fabulous food. Now I just have to figure out how to duplicate that dressing for the peach and arugula salad...

Plan...

So, someone asked what my long term study plan is for February.

Well, I wish I could say I have a plan. The only plan I have right this second is NOT to plan my life around the bar right now.

I don't know what the "secret" to the bar exam is. There is no explanation for me not passing the bar. I did well in law school, clerked at good firms, am bright and a good writer, and I put in the time and effort. It could be a lot of things: financial worries during both times I was studying, childcare issues that provided a distraction, husband also taking exam and providing a distraction, not taking Barbri, not taking the whole summer (or winter) off to study, or (my personal belief) just plain exhaustion.

I went to night law school so I could be a SAHM. That means I did school at least three nights a week for four years, with about a week off during the entire year. I didn't have summers off to travel or just relax or work. Often, during the one week break between semesters (which, incidentally, I still had to do homework during, because, as you all know, there is an reading assignment for the first night of class) I would have plans that I was just too tired to follow through on. I distinctly remember being too tired to go see The Lion King with my family, even though I had bought the tickets months before, because I was exhausted from finals.

Similarly, I have not experienced vacations since law school began. We won a four day cruise to Mexico and went on that the week before finals late in law school, and we spent a weekend at Disneyland somewhere in there, but that is all. Ironically, I got the best midterm grades ever after that vacation. I think the fact that I actually relaxed and enjoyed myself a bit brought about that stellar exam performance.

I know that I arrived at bar study with a feeling of complete and utter exhaustion and dread. Like many things in law school, I did not want to do it, I did not care, and I just wanted to jump through that hoop and be done with it. However, when you are so tired from working and studying that you maintain a migraine level headache for five weeks, this is really, really not the time to be taking the test of your life.

But I didn't really get that. I thought, like many others things I had done before, I could push on through and still do what needed to be done.

I don't think that's true of the bar. It is a war of attrition, and when you enter the battle on a horse with a lame leg, and no sword and shield, you really can't expect to win the battle OR the war. But that is what I did.

So, now, the goal is to get away from that 'struggling not to drown' mentality. It's weird what happens when you know that you are no longer required to do something. You start to give yourself permission. Permission to think of other things, consider other possibilities. Does it matter if I never take the California Bar again? Nope. Will I take it again? Yup. Will I do better next time? Yup. If I don't pass, will I be unemployable? No way.

And that's okay. It's all.... Okay.

So that's the plan right now. And I honestly think it's the best thing I can do for myself at this time.

Decompression...

Sorry for the non-posting lately. I have managed not to think about the bar for two whole weeks. It's fabulous.

Clean house, clean yard, clean kids, happy husband, happy kids.

My last day of work, Big J made me presents at daycare/school. One was a pearler bead "I love mommy" sign and the other was a watermelon-painted dish. She spent an hour in her room wrapping them carefully and the note that accompanied them said, "I love you mommy. You are the best mommy in the whole world. I am glad you are out of work."

Hee, hee.

Watching movies, gardening, reading books, entering cooking contests, lunch with friends, garage sale preparation, going to the gym, entertaining.... it's amazing how fun life is when you aren't thinking about the damn bar exam.

Got a gig doing marketing for a solo practitioner, and since I no longer pay for childcare, I more than doubled my net pay.

Aaaaahhhhh......