To Job Or Not To Job...

So, here's my quandry...

I have a job, where I was hired to be an "associate." I was hired pending bar results. The person I replaced was there for thirteen years and had no interest in appearances or signing pleadings. Essentially this person was a paralegal with a JD, even though license was in hand. (I also am basically a paralegal and even though I will be called an associate post-licensing, that simply means a change in title and a very slight raise.)

When I didn't pass, my boss was not pleased, but he's very nice and understanding, kind of like my surrogate dad, and so he supported me in the second time around.

This time, I was not fired for non-passage (I prefer not to use the F word), but I'm concerned that he is thinking about it and I'm really worried the axe will come immediately before the 3 days in July, which will throw me into an emotional tailspin. I should mention that I really believe he is pleased with my work overall and the fact that I have been there a year and learned his quirks is definitely in my favor right now.

So, as a hobby, I apply for jobs. Kind of like the professional version of retail therapy... I think I like the thrill of someone calling me for an interview. "They like me, they really like me!" Definitely an ego boost when this whole year has been one big downer.

I turned down two jobs prior to bar results, thinking there was a good chance I passed and it would be fatalistic to take a paralegal position just because I was afraid of the possibility of not passing.

However now that has not occurred. I didn't pass. So, after applying to every job that shows up in my area that I am even remotely qualified for, I will be interviewing with a very well-respected firm in town- for a litigation paralegal position (which would be full-time rather than the 30 hours per week I work now.)

So, even though initially I got the thrill of "Yay me! They like me enough to talk to me." Now the issue becomes, should I leave? Should I go to full time? Should I settle for the paralegal position? Or, should I say screw it and quit my job cold turkey and study full-time all summer (instead of the wanky part-time studying that I am currently doing) so I can get this crap over with already and get my stupid card.

Something has happened to me over the past year. Somewhere between law student and law school graduate, I lost my decisiveness. I am constantly paralyzed with indecision, having no idea what is the right thing to do.

To job or not to job... and which job... that is the question....