Sorry for the non-posting lately. I have managed not to think about the bar for two whole weeks. It's fabulous.
Clean house, clean yard, clean kids, happy husband, happy kids.
My last day of work, Big J made me presents at daycare/school. One was a pearler bead "I love mommy" sign and the other was a watermelon-painted dish. She spent an hour in her room wrapping them carefully and the note that accompanied them said, "I love you mommy. You are the best mommy in the whole world. I am glad you are out of work."
Hee, hee.
Watching movies, gardening, reading books, entering cooking contests, lunch with friends, garage sale preparation, going to the gym, entertaining.... it's amazing how fun life is when you aren't thinking about the damn bar exam.
Got a gig doing marketing for a solo practitioner, and since I no longer pay for childcare, I more than doubled my net pay.
Aaaaahhhhh......
Showing posts with label relief. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relief. Show all posts
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Graduation...
Today I am attending the next graduation of my law school. I wouldn't go, except my good friend, A, will be graduating today. Yay!
Then I get to go see the Poets and Pirates Tour with one of my oldest friends from high school. (Crimony, I still hang out with people I knew in high school? Yup.) So, that will be great. Sit, drink, sing, not have to worry about anything, that's a good Sunday evening.
So, in a way, I guess I might experience a wash of failure at sitting through graduation having not passed yet, but this past week really put things in perspective for me. Also, the relief of having time has washed over me, so I think that trumps all other feelings of misery.
I was sitting through class yesterday, and yes, I was nervously thinking of the lengthy list of what I needed to get done before the THREE DAYS, but also, I was relieved, because this time I will actually have the luxury of time. Time to learn what I need to do without feeling like I need to do it as quickly as possible so I can still clean up the kitchen and make the kids lunches and make it to work on time and do laundry and all the other regular life stuff.
I just feel like I have given myself a gift now. Permission to do what I need to. Permission to take time.
I have been struggling to not feel guilty about it, because of the inherent mom orientation of wanting to take care of everyone else and leaving myself last, but I'm working diligently to quash those feelings of guilt every time they begin to arise. It's okay if I don't contribute a salary while studying. It's okay if I don't have a clean house. It's okay if I take the time I need to study. It's okay if I take the time and money to protect my health and sanity. All of these things are perfectly okay.
I don't know why it's so hard for me to do these things for myself, when I would tell any one of my friends those same things and mean them wholeheartedly. I guess it's easier to be generous and compassionate with others than it is yourself, when you're used to being a perfectionist overachiever.
Oh, dear god, Paula Deen is eating a breakfast sandwich that is two Krispy Creme doughnuts with a fried egg and bacon on it. Talk about a heart attack on a plate. Actually, it looks kind of good... Everything is better with doughnuts, right?
I think it's time to turn FoodTV off.
Then I get to go see the Poets and Pirates Tour with one of my oldest friends from high school. (Crimony, I still hang out with people I knew in high school? Yup.) So, that will be great. Sit, drink, sing, not have to worry about anything, that's a good Sunday evening.
So, in a way, I guess I might experience a wash of failure at sitting through graduation having not passed yet, but this past week really put things in perspective for me. Also, the relief of having time has washed over me, so I think that trumps all other feelings of misery.
I was sitting through class yesterday, and yes, I was nervously thinking of the lengthy list of what I needed to get done before the THREE DAYS, but also, I was relieved, because this time I will actually have the luxury of time. Time to learn what I need to do without feeling like I need to do it as quickly as possible so I can still clean up the kitchen and make the kids lunches and make it to work on time and do laundry and all the other regular life stuff.
I just feel like I have given myself a gift now. Permission to do what I need to. Permission to take time.
I have been struggling to not feel guilty about it, because of the inherent mom orientation of wanting to take care of everyone else and leaving myself last, but I'm working diligently to quash those feelings of guilt every time they begin to arise. It's okay if I don't contribute a salary while studying. It's okay if I don't have a clean house. It's okay if I take the time I need to study. It's okay if I take the time and money to protect my health and sanity. All of these things are perfectly okay.
I don't know why it's so hard for me to do these things for myself, when I would tell any one of my friends those same things and mean them wholeheartedly. I guess it's easier to be generous and compassionate with others than it is yourself, when you're used to being a perfectionist overachiever.
Oh, dear god, Paula Deen is eating a breakfast sandwich that is two Krispy Creme doughnuts with a fried egg and bacon on it. Talk about a heart attack on a plate. Actually, it looks kind of good... Everything is better with doughnuts, right?
I think it's time to turn FoodTV off.
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