feeling better... and worse

Well, I was feeling much worse this morning.... you know the drill... failed bar exam twice. Most everyone I know didn't fail it twice. Must be something wrong with me, blah blah blah...

But then I got a call from A. A is a year behind me in law school and has just started studying for the July Bar. I had to explain I didn't pass, and she commiserated, but in a good way. Not sure how, but A manages to make me feel better about myself every time I feel down. She's just super supportive, and she even commuted two hours to school every single day to boot, so I have respect and admiration for her stamina in getting to the law school finish line. Also, as another woman who has gone through law school with a kid, she knows what a unique challenge that is. Before any men get their nose bent out of shape over that, I am not claiming everyone does not have challenges, but being mommy is not the same as being daddy. At the February bar, I was seated next to this guy who was super nice. He saw my photo of the kids on my desktop when I turned on my computer, and asked about them. I told him my husband was across the room, back testing again, and he commiserated. He had missed by 12 points last July. I asked about how it had been with kids, because his were the same age as mine. He said, "well, they were disappointed that I had to do all that studying again, but since I'm dad, I can disappear into the other room and it's not the calamity that mom being gone would be. My wife was able to take over so much that getting time to study wasn't really an issue." He has a point there. During both times of bar study, my husband would disappear in the bedroom, and I usually studied in the living room, since there is no other available spot in our house, and my laptop is more portable than my husband's PC. Most of the time, that meant I was blocking out the sound of My Little Pony or High School Musical 2 playing on the TV while I did MBEs. My husband was in the bedroom with the door closed. Such is the biological differences that occur between the sexes.

But I digress... A is now scared. She says that if I can't pass, she's not even sure she should bother with the exam. It's funny, though. No matter how much not passing again sucks, I still think she should study and take the exam in July. I just think the whole thing is so random that there's no reason to give up, just because it's more difficult for some to get past this barrier.

And, lo and behold, my husband calls a few minutes ago. He had just hung up with an old friend of ours who graduated from law school with him. She was lucky enough to pass on the first try, and she congratulated him on passing. Then she mentioned that she did a stint as a bar grader and reaffirmed how random the process is. She was grading exams, thinking, "hell, I don't know if this exam is better than this one." Ah ha! I knew it. I mean really... To get an 85 on the first read, and then a 55 on a second read is just ridiculous, and that's just what I saw with the scoring my husband received on one essay from last July. There is absolutely no way that an essay could score either an 85 or a 55 and for both of those scores to be a legitimate, honest assessment.

So, A said that god is testing me, and even though I am an atheist, I don't have a better explanation for this turn of events, and that actually makes me feel better, somehow. So, thanks A.

Of course, she also asked if you are barred from taking the exam while drunk. In all seriousness (see how this experience has made me lose my sense of humor?) I replied, well, I think you can't be visibly intoxicated, but how are they going to know if you have a margarita at lunch? So, we agreed if we really needed it to soothe our nerves, that's exactly what we might resort to in July.

Cheers to Round 3.