Now?...

First, thanks for the comments from everyone! Those were my thoughts exactly. It's nowhere near a tragedy- I've seen people who forgot to upload their essays before the deadline. I would call THAT a problem. Waiting a few months is not that big of a deal.

And, now that I've had time to adjust my mental state, I am simply relieved. I did not want to do this again right now. Now, I have a reason not to. Inadvertent as it was, the decision has been made for me.

This is actually how I have trended for the past year. I have studied for the bar twice, only to be slapped down by the point calculations. This has had a real effect on me, although it has crept up slowly over time.

During law school, I had no problem making decisions, no problem figuring out what I wanted to do, no problem going after what I wanted. Since then, I spend time while at work looking for other jobs as a hobby, but then when someone offers me one, I freak out and opt not to take it.

The slapping down part has really thrown me for a loop. I never did not succeed at something I decided to do, and not getting it has made me question and doubt every single decision, no matter how small or large. I don't know what kind of law I want to do, I don't know what kind of firm I might like to work for, I don't know what kind of schedule I'd be comfortable at, I just don't know anything anymore.

And my indecision has made it so every single thing that I am able to put off, I do. I don't go out in my garden at all, because I walk out there and it just seems like so much work, that to even get started makes me almost start to cry. So I go back in the house. I look at my bills to pay, and I don't know which stuff I should focus on or pay first, so I put it all off until the very last minute, until I absolutely have to pay it or I will get late fees. I look around at my house and think about all the things I'd like to do, such as paint or put up a light fixture or clean out the garage for a yard sale, and it's just... too... much.

So, it is really no surprise that I put off registering... and put it off... until the decision was made for me.

And now I can actually get a tan this summer. I can clean up the weeds taking over my yard. I can run through the sprinklers with my kids. I can sit on the patio in the backyard with a glass of wine and a book that is NOT a law book. I can finally do the tasks around the house I have been meaning to do for five years. I can go to the gym without it being "study time" while listening to law CDs. The list goes on and on.

The more I think about it, the more I think this may be the best mistake I have made in a long, long time...