Wine Country Law Mom

Revisiting Blogging

2011-08-23T10:15:00.000-07:00

Hello all-

Haven't posted in a long long time and it just occured to me to actually check and see if anyone has commented in the last year. Some have, so I may just start blogging again.

Let's see- what's new with me? Well, I've been busy. I have a solo practice that keeps me super busy. Kids are older, and thus keep me super busy. Marriage is good. In general, things are really, really good.

Facebook has really impeded my time and desire to blog, but I'm starting to think it might be a good idea to switch things up and get back into regular blogging.

I'll try to think if fun and interesting things to say about the actual practice of law- which is so far removed from the practice of passing the bar, it's not even funny. I still cringe slightly when the end of July and the end of February come around. Last July I ran to the grocery store to buy some snacks for a social get together at my house and ran into someone I knew in high school who told me she was studying for the bar and was taking it in two weeks. I backed away pretty quick- I just couldn't help it. The anxiety immediately started creeping back and it was all I could do to be polite and say good luck. I left the store shuddering with relief that I was done with that part of my life.

But, although it sounds patronizing, I can now say the same thing everyone else says, which is that taking the bar is just a phase. You get through it and once it's over, it's really over and you don't have to think about it anymore. And I honestly don't think having to take it more than once makes on whit of difference in what caliber of attorney you will be. In fact, it might even make you a better attorney to have failed it at least once. It definitely gives you some humility, and makes you grateful for the license.

So, I'll try to focus on funny and interesting things that happen with my practice. I do bankruptcy and foreclosure defense, so most everyone has a sad story, and I can say that I feel okay about what I do for my clients. Not only that- most of them are sad to have to meet me, but later on they are glad that they did. I don't know if all attorneys can actually say that of their clients.

Flashcards...

2009-11-25T10:03:00.000-08:00

Someone posted a comment on how to do flashcards... so, for whatever it's worth, here is my method. This is the result of years of memorizing speeches for collegiate competition, and teaching classes as a grad student where I would learn the students' names the first day by going person by person and learning the names in order, building on the mental list in my head until I knew them all.

Grab the Conviser Review, sit down with a large stack of cards, and start working your way through. One topic at a time, go through the outline, and read the rule, synthesize what that means, and start working it into a SHORT statement. This will take a lot of time. It is exhausting. It sucks. And, I think it is necessary. It is both substantive review and the beginning of the memorization process.

Items that go on flashcards are:

1. Definitions. This means on the front of the card write "Definition of Contract". On the back write, "A contract is a promise or a set of promieses that courts will enforce." On the next card, write on the front, "Elements of contract", and on the back write "Offer, acceptance, consideration". Keep it simple.

2. Lists of things to remember. This means get in the things that will need to be remembered while writing an essay or thinking through an MBE. One the front of the card write "Exceptions to Knock and Announce" and on the back write a list of the exceptions. Try to order them with an acronym. I forget what I used for knock and announce, but I came up with one and it helped. Follow that card with a card for each exception, and the definition, if that is needed. Keep the cards in the same order all the time. Memorize them in the same order all the time. Your brain will remember better if you go in the same order and build on what you have learned previously.

3. Breakdowns of an issue. I attended The Bar Code's Essay Writing Intensive, so I was on board with the idea of a specific outline for how to deal with specific issues. For example, equal protection has a certain list of subissues that need to be discussed in order, so I made a flash card to help me memorize that order. But again, don't put lots of words on the flashcard. Your mind can compartmentalize and remember little bits, but too much on a flashcard makes it useless.

4. I did a larger version of flashcarding at the end, because I took the Cheat Sheets, and additional self-developed cheat sheets that I made myself (some are posted on this blog) and the last two weeks all I did was memorize. I spent part of the day with a ream of blank paper. First I wrote out the cheat sheet, looking at the template. Then, I continued writing it over and over, starting with a blank sheet each time, until I could write it without referencing the template. Usually it would take 5 or 6 times of writing out the entire cheat sheet until I could do it on a blank sheet without assistance. I could remember first the shape of the outline on the page, and then once that shape was imprinted in my mind, I could quickly fill in the details. Then, I would build on that by adding a second, then a third, and so on. On day two, I would do all the cheat sheets from the day before (5 or so) and then add five more to the process. On day three... another 5, until the night before the exam, I sat in the hotel bar with a glass of wine and wrote every single one out with barely glancing at the templates. I am convinced that I got an 85 or 90 on the defamation question last February solely because of that process. (I knew what to do with that question after reading the first sentence.)

The other thing I did to memorize was working through my completed flashcards in a similar fashion. Here is what I did after I had five boxes of flashcards, each topic rubber banded separately.

I would get on the treadmill with my con law flashcards and once I could state word for word what was on the back of the first card three times, I moved on to the second one. It would take one to three hours to get through a whole topic memorizing my flashcards. Then, day two, I did the con law ones and added my evidence ones. Each day got a little easier, because I would go through the topics I already knew and had about 85-90% accuracy on them (you will not get to 100% and you don't need to) and the hard part was the addition of the new topic that I hadn't yet learned. I saved the smaller topics, like community property and wills and trusts, for later days in the memorizing process because memorizing the smaller stacks was easier later after I had a huge stack of the MBE topics I already reviewed first that day.

I also carried a couple of stacks of flashcards everywhere. When I went to pick up the kids at school, I sat in my car for the ten or fifteen minutes and tried to get through as many cards as I could. If I was waiting in line at the bank, I pulled out some cards. I looked stupid, but I didn't care, because I figured it was better than looking stupid by not passing (again).

Did it suck? Yes. Was it necessary? For me, yes. I needed the comfort of knowing how I was going to address every rule and every essay topic before I walked into the exam, so that period while they were reading directions did not result in a rising anxiety that made my brain freeze up. That happened the first time around, and also the second.

Now, I can say, the second time I studied, I made those flashcards, and the third time around, I pulled them out and used them, and added some more. So, did I spend 12 hours per day any time I studied for the bar? Nope. But over time, I did all that stuff and it was worth it. The satisfaction of throwing those boxes of flashcards away was supreme also.

I also agree with Whitney Roberts when she recommended that you study by practicing essays, learning how to write essays, and do some MBEs up until two weeks before the test. Then, you focus only on memorizing. That last two weeks is crucial with so much information. And, when I spent 3-4 hours a day memorizing flashcards, and then 2-3 hours per day writing out cheat sheets to memorize them, that took a lot of time and energy. It is okay to give yourself permission just to do this. I also did 20 MBEs per day during this time. One morning each of those weeks, I did a set of 100 MBE's, timing to make sure I could make the three hours. For me, that was no problem. I usually finished in 2:10. However, at the exam, I usually took up to the last five minutes on one MBE session, for some reason.

If it sounds like a lot. It is. But, get it done, and you won't have to do it again.

Good luck. I felt your pain, the thought of all that work still makes me shudder, and I sympathize, but it's doable. When you study, focus wholeheartedly, and when you are done, stop thinking about it and relax. For me, learning to relax was the hardest part.

Sad Day...

2009-11-24T15:19:00.000-08:00

Our doggy Molly got hit by a car last night. Not sure how someone could be driving on a road, hit an animal, especially a yellow dog, and not stop, not call the number on the poor dog's collar, nothing. Luckily, some neighbors found her collar and called us. My husband went and got her last night and buried her this morning.

She was the most sweet, joyful dog. My buddy in the kitchen. Bacon was her favorite, so weekend mornings were the time she most looked forward to, when I might be in the kitchen cooking up bacon or sausage at breakfast. She got so excited to "assist" in taking the trash out that she would treat it like a covert operation, running out to the trash cans, looking left and right, and then standing guard while my husband dumped the trash bag. She was always ready to follow wherever her people were going, or just to sit at your feet if you were ready to be lazy. She had a habit of either sitting on my foot or leaning against my leg, simply because she wanted to be near someone. She adored running through the vineyards, and was always a runner. Unfortunately, that's what led to her digging her way out of her kennel, despite all our precautions. She chose the wrong moment to run out onto Dry Creek Road. Poor girl.

I can't imagine having another dog I so thoroughly enjoyed. She may have been my husband's dog, but I can say I loved her wholeheartedly, too. She will be missed in our family.

Clients...

2009-11-18T18:16:00.000-08:00

A very nice woman came in today for an intial consultation. She started to cry when she started explaining how she makes less because of a mandatory pay cut from the state, and she is struggling to pay the few bills she has.

I went and got her a tissue, we talked, and we figured out some things she can do to help with her financial issues.

Then I gave her her check back for her initial consultation.

My office manager/assistant was less than thrilled. She disagreed that I should be more concerned about this lady's finances than my own.

Granted, I like to pay my employees, and I like to make enough money to pay my bills, but I just cannot feel good about charging this lady for a consultation. She is hiring me to do some things for her, and that is enough.

I think there is a reason we are often called attorneys and counselors at law. You really do need to counsel people. Sometimes it's that they come in and have no idea what they can do to help their own situation and they are really at their wits end. Sometimes they are just in denial about their situation. I have had to tell people they can't afford their house. I then apologize, because I realize that's not the news they want to hear. However, usually they take it pretty well. Sometimes, I think it's what they need to hear from someone else that they trust and don't have to feel embarrassed to discuss financial issues with. Plus, I can deliver some good news about what their options are if they do walk away from the house.

So, the end result of today's experience is that I think if you cannot develop compassion, you make a crappy attorney. Even doing defense work, if you lack the ability to recognize that some people were indeed damaged, then you do your client a disservice when you fail to advise them of their exposure.

Okay, off my soapbox now.

Legal Work...

2009-11-17T16:49:00.000-08:00

I hate it when this happens because I always feel so incompetent, but it tends to be my process in answering motions to dismiss and demurrers....

I read the other side's argument. I think, hmmm.... what was I thinking drafting the complaint that way? Why did I take that client? They have no case! Egads, I'm going to commit malpractice! I will lose my license. These people should have gotten a real lawyer...

Then I read it again and get on Westlaw, and I start to get mad, because, really, what was that other lawyer thinking when they wrote such lame drivel, disguising it as the truth of the law? Sheesh!

Then I review my work, edit out the snarky stuff, and breathe a sigh of relief. I may actually do okay on this.

Every stinkin' time.

That was my day today.

Lawyering....

2009-11-16T10:07:00.000-08:00

I have learned that being a lawyer means that most days no one is happy. Clients, especially plaintiffs, tend to require a lot of placating. This usually centers around a result/settlement not being good enough, their bill being too expensive, or not being able guarantee or give them absolutes on their situation.

Therefore, the clients who are kind, polite, and say thank you are so appreciated. And although I do it on pretty much every single file, I look for reasons to write down the time on those clients' files.

And that's about where I'm at today. Trying to be grateful for the delightful clients, and do what I can for the grouchy, unhappy ones without taking it personally that they seem to think I am not working enough in the way of miracles for them.

Jasmine's bedroom door sign...

2009-11-09T12:26:00.000-08:00

The New House...

2009-11-07T15:47:00.000-08:00

Good Luck...

2009-07-28T02:36:00.001-07:00

Just wanted to give a shout out to all the bar takers tomorrow. Good luck and kick some bar exam a**. Just get in and stay in the zone and you'll be done with this thing.

The List...

2009-05-30T16:14:00.000-07:00

So, I figure since I just turned the big 3-5 on Wednesday, it might be good to check and see how I did on the list...

Things to do before I turn 35 (next May 27)
#1. pass stupid bar exam
#2. have garage sale
#3. learn to cook fabulous ribs
#4. lose 30 pounds
#5. compete in a cooking contest
#6. learn to play guitar
#7. get a great haircut
#8. change someone's life
#9. bake bread from scratch
#10. master every sauce in James Peterson's Sauces

So, how did I did?
bar exam: check!
garage sale: check! (I made over $700!)
ribs: check! (yum, yum)
30 pounds: oh HELL no, but I also care way, way less than I did last summer. I would like to put that on the new list in the form of "get in good physical shape" rather than a weight loss goal, for turning 36.
cooking contest: check! (Two, actually.)
guitar: well, no... maybe this year...
haircut: check! (although now I need a good color)
someone's life:... um, check? One of my employees hated her former boss and was miserable, and now loves us and her new job, so does that qualify? I'm guessing yes.
bread: semi-check. I made croissants. Is that technically bread?
sauces: half,check. I got some, but not all. Definitely all the good basic ones: cream, red wine, au jus, etc.

So, I didn't get them all. I was sorely lacking on the creative front. I think is was simply a matter of no time for cooking and hobbies, what with starting a new law firm and all. Both me and my husband were working some 70-100 hours a week for a couple of months there in between the bar and the beginning of May. Phew!

But, I managed to snag one on my list for before I turn 40...
#10. have at least one employee

Actually, I have managed two employees... so, I figure I get some extra credit for that to compensate for the ones I lagged on for 35.

List for 36?
hmmm... let me think about it and get back to you. I'm tired from the 35 list still. ;)

Recap of Studying...

2009-05-26T11:25:00.001-07:00

So, someone was already asking for a recap of study plans... This is what I did...

First July... I graduated from law school tired and burnt out. Probably should have waited a few months and taken it in February, but I listened to every one's "advice" and plunged ahead. I started a new job in a law office and bar prep at the same time. Another mistake.

Then in February... I decided it might be time for some kind of help. I signed up for The Bar Code, which was an essay writing seminar taught by Whitney Roberts. I had used her book the previous July, but didn't adhere strictly to it while in the exam, so the areas where I veered from her approach, I got terrible scores.

I drove out to Sacramento every Saturday in January and sat there all day, going through each topic, and then during the week, I had practice essays to do that were due by a certain time. The feedback from the Bar Code was excellent. Each essay came back with tons of comments, a score that was around 50 initially, but by essay 10, climbed to 65's and 70's, and plenty of encouragement. They grade 13 or so essays. My last one, I got a 75.

Most importantly, I learned from Whitney's class how to figure out what I just wrote in terms of scoring myself. I also was advised to get my Barbri Conviser Mini Review out and make my own flashcards. They had to be done a specific way. It was exhausting and extremely time consuming. It was totally worth it. So, in January, I did essays, attended class on Saturdays, worked during the week and did flashcards, and then took two weeks in February off prior to the exam.

Those two weeks, per Whitney's advice, were for memorization and MBE prep. She was so, so right. I had my flashcards done by the first week of February, my essay writing was better, and all I had left was to focus on memorizing and getting some MBE practice in. I came up 11 points short.

When my scores came in the mail, I spoke with Whitney on the phone. She said she thought that if I had done the exact same prep and taken another bar exam other that exact configuration of essays and PTs, she thought I would have passed. I just needed "my" bar exam. So, I took some time off, and decided that all I really needed was to manage my anxiety for the next time around. So, for this February, I planned ahead to do less.

Yes, less. February 1, I started. I got a subscription to baressays.com. I already had my homemade flashcards. I already had a set of PMBR books. It was triage time. I got up every day and went to the gym, where I got on a machine and memorized for an hour. Then I went home, took a shower, and sat down at my desk. I went topic by topic, and took the highest scoring essay answer off baressays, downloaded the question, outlined it, and then took the printed -ff answer that scored well and re-typed it. Then, I went to the down the list of well-scoring past answers and did the same thing until I finished that topic. Some days this took me three hours. Some days it took four or five. It depended on how many past answers were there for that topic. For the occasionally tested topics, sometimes, I managed to start on a second topic in a day. Usually by the third or fourth essay in a topic, I was able to just start writing on my own, with only referencing the sample answer. I was also able to critique those answers where they were weak and did not follow the Bar Code "cheat sheet" approach. Some days I did a few essays and then a PT, since PTs were on there, too, and I knew I needed the exact same system for PTs to get my scores and confidence up on those. I never studied more than 6 hours a day. Never. Even if I was tempted. I left the house every single day at 3:00 p.m. to go pick up my kids from school and that was the end of studying for that day, whether I thought it had gone well or poorly.

With about 5-8 days left, I was done with all the essays and PTs. I then started with the blank sheet method of writing out my approaches/cheat sheets on a piece of paper.

I did it this way: the first time through, I used the book or my own cheat sheet that I created (see as an example the contracts ones I worked on for myself and posted back then). The by the third time writing it out, I had some of it committed to memory, but had to remind myself of some of it. I wrote it out so it looked the same on the blank page every time. Then, if I blanked on one rule, I knew exactly where my pocket of forgetfulness was in the mini-outline. For that last week, I wrote out my approaches in the morning, and did no less than 20 MBEs and no more than 40 MBEs each day.

When I arrived in Sacramento for the test, I was nervous, so that afternoon, I sat down in my hotel room and wrote out all my cheat sheets again. If they were flawless three times in a row, then I could move on to the next one. After three hours, by hand was tired, and I was only through about half of my 45-50 "cheat sheets" (some from The Bar Code book and some I made up myself modelled after Whitney's method). I then went and got dinner, and then sat in the hotel bar with a glass of wine and kept writing out approaches until they were all done and flawless. I tried to go to bed, but I was still nervous. So, I sat in bed with con law flashcards (my worst subject.) Since I hate con law, this made me tired and I was able to get to sleep by about 11:00. I did no more studying during the test at all, except Wednesday night when I realized I couldn't remember any of wills and trusts, so I went through my flashcards for that topic area to memorize.

And that's it. I am probably not a good example of how to study because I purposely did less. I went and had a nice dinner each night while I was there, with a glass of wine. I built some retail therapy into the trip and scooted over to Arden Fair Mall to distract myself and feel like I was able to have some fun, unlike the intense pressure and stress I felt the past two times. Overall, I made this February as much like a vacation as I could, and focused only on me, not on my kids or my husband or anything but my own self and my own mental health and well being. That was the right thing for me.

I went back to the way I studied in law school this time around. I was a good studier in law school. I carved out time to study, was focused and productive during that time, and then didn't worry about it most of the rest of the time. I did lots of past tests to get the gist of how each professor wrote their tests and what style they graded highly. That worked great for me in law school, where I graduated with honors, so going back to it was the best thing I ever did. I went into the test with confidence that I knew what a good PT answer was and I knew what a good essay answer was. And, I knew the law- I knew that last February, so all I had to do was refresh my memory and my MBEs would be about the same as they always had been.

For me, MBE scores did not go up the more I did practice questions. In fact, I did better on the MBE last February having done those flashcards and knowing the law really, really well than by trying to learn the law by doing lots and lots of MBEs. My MBE score, despite having done about 600 MBEs for last February, actually went up by 23 raw points. That's a huge testament to the importance of knowing the rules of law. So, that's what I did.

But don't do what I did. Do what works for you. Look at where your scores need improvement and focus there. One thing I can advise is that it is far easier to raise your overall score by focusing on the writing than by doing MBEs, so I am a proponent of focusing on getting good writing scores.

A tutor can only do so much. At some point, you have to "see" it. You have to be able to "see" what a good answer is. Someone can talk at you until they are blue in the face, but they can't do that for you. For me, re-typing other people's answers that got a good score did it in a way nothing else could. I honestly think tutors are a waste of money. Even having taken the exam three times, I think that. But, again, do what YOU need to do, not what someone else advises. Following advice despite your own inner voice is exactly what got me in the position of taking that damn exam three times.

Finally, you'll live. I did. It sucked, but I did it and got through it and the letter on Saturday that was all about admission to practice law rather than my numerical breakdown of how I didn't measure up this time was completely and totally worth it. It will be for you, too. :)

Marketing...

2009-05-26T11:23:00.000-07:00

A note to those shamelessly marketing themselves on the comment section. I am not your marketing vehicle. This is my personal blog- read, not for commercial profit. Market yourself somewhere else.

Thank you.

Final, FINAL Recap...

2009-05-17T12:02:00.001-07:00

There is nothing like the relief of knowing I NEVER HAVE TO TAKE THAT TEST AGAIN.

My husband already presented me with my new business cards... I just have to get sworn in on Monday or thereafter and I'm all set.

Yay.

So, to answer the questions, yes I passed. (Yipee!)

Final Recap...

2009-02-27T08:53:00.000-08:00

OK, so I figure if there is anyone who still had essays to take, they have started already, so here it is...

As I drove down to Cal Expo Thursday morning I thought to myself, "What would I most like to see on the essays.."

Defamation would be awesome. Contracts (breach not formation issues), after I painstakingly broke down my outline, made my own little approach and wrote it out over and over again. After that... probably corps. Director Duties ideally.

But, alas, I figured my luck was to get con law, wills/CP crossover, and a professional responsibility crossover with trusts or some weird crap that would freak me out.

So, it was like the heavens parted and made way for my dream bar exam. I had none of that 'oh shit' feeling because the topics on there I had studied the crap out of. I had defamation done in 40 minutes because I didn't need to outline it. The whole essay just appeared in my mind and I struggled to get it on the page as quickly and concisely as possible. Same with the contracts one. The director one I had to actually do some recall, but again- not bad, not bad at all....

Q1: consumer protection agency publishes manual that rates attorneys and calls one an ambulance chaser who only takes easy cases. :)

Q2: developer enters conditioned contract with builder that is fully integrated. Condition technically satisfied but the oral explanation of the condition does not occur, so developer loses profitability and jumps ship. Builder gets another gig with architect, but sues developer for full value of contract.

Q3: 3 director in close corp. D1 convinces others to get corp involved in shopping mall real estate deal, despite corps stated purpose in article for running comedy clubs. D 2 and 3 change their minds later. D1 has a second opportunity to invest in another mall, thinks the others will not approve it, and invests his own money. D 2 and 3 suspect D1 is embezzling. Can they oust him? (They are not shareholders.)

I was definitely less sure on the director one. I mean I know the director duties, and I talked about ultra vires, talked about the embezzlement issue, competing ventures, corp opportunity, etc. I think I may have missed some small issue. However, that being said, I think I still did enough to get a 70 on it. Maybe it was voting. I did go through the business judgment rule for the directors investing in the mall when the corp was struggling financially, but I didn't do a full blown discussion on director voting requirements. I did do removal of a director (who can, etc.)

Then there was the PT. So much nicer than Tuesday. The last firm I worked for did tenants' rights stuff. We defended unlawful detainers, brought affirmative suits, got statutory fees, the whole nine yards. So that PT was a revamp of every discussion I ever had with every client who came in the door. And it just worked itself out so beautifully. I started a new page for every issue as I went through the library first (after reading the preliminary instructions as to what I was supposed to do), then did a brief factual discussion (very brief), following by a discussion of the client's goals. Then I got my pages in a logical order and went through my pages, working through each option for the client, starting with doing nothing, all the way down to sue without administrative pursuit and ask for prelim injunction. I got every last thing in there, both factual and law based. Finished and was able to spell check and look it over for about 2 minutes at the end before they called time.

Sigh.

And I don't think I will ever take that exam again. Honestly, I could not have gotten a better bar for me. That was "my" bar exam. If I couldn't pass that, then I may have to decide that lawyering is not for me. Plus, I just am not sure I could get up the gumption to go back again.

But I don't have to decide that right now, so I'm just not going to worry about it anymore. Real life can begin again....

Phew...

2009-02-26T19:31:00.000-08:00

It's over. Supposedly I am not s'posed to reveal the topics until tommorrow. Just in case that's true, I'll post my recap tomorrow.

But it's done. DONE! I am done with that test. Forever.

Amen.

Tired...

2009-02-26T06:50:00.000-08:00

Got no sleep. Woke up at 2:15 and had to figure out the cooling system in my room. Surfed channels for a while and saw the P90x guy get ripped, the Malibu Pilates ladies get sculpted, and that floor steamer clean everything. Then turned off the TV and stared at the dark for a while.

Now I'm exhausted. So I go down to get a cup of coffee (or two) in the lobby and this guy (who is a client of ours) is there. He's taking the bar, too.

I don't know what it is about some guys, but they think it's okay to touch every woman they see. That is so annoying. Keep your hands to yourself, buddy. When I'm bleary-eyed and haven't had my coffee yet, the LAST thing I want is some stranger rubbing my shoulder or back. Thank goodness I haven't showered yet, because that kind of male behavior makes me want to take one.

Men who do this, just stop please. It's not professional. And it's downright creepy.

Fun During Bar Week Hell...

2009-02-25T19:26:00.000-08:00

This makes me laugh each and every time I watch it. Even if you are studying (well, let's face it, if you are reading blogs you are putting off studying anyway) it is only about 14 seconds and well worth it.

MBEs...

2009-02-25T18:14:00.000-08:00

I'm glad that is over.

The morning was hard for me. Got done in the last five minutes. A lot of questions I knew the answer, sure, but some of them I just sat there and thought, "What the FUCK?!?"

I could not remember what attornment meant, even though I remember seeing it on my flashcards. Just lost that out of my brain. Don't remember if it was actually a viable correct answer, just that I remember going through my flashcards and seeing that term and thinking, "There's no friggin' way I have to know that. Next!"

And then it was there. Geez.

And that one that had the transactional immunity and the use and something else immunity? I got mad. I know you don't have a right to counsel for a grand jury, but what's with the types of immunity? That I did not know and I just got frustrated and pissed. So it took me longer this morning as a result. One good thing, being frustrated kept me from getting bored and I read every single question and every single answer and was able to rule out a lot of them, which is exactly what happened last year in the morning of MBEs. So, maybe that means I did about the same as last year on MBEs. That was a decent score, so that'd be fine. I saw that my last five questions were all B's and that made me all nervous, like I must have missed a couple of those because there's no way there are five B's in a ROW.... Ugh!

Afternoon... aahhhh. More defamation, evidence questions, crimes, easier con law questions. Again this year, there was a weird pseudo-wills question that irritated me. One had a bunch of civil procedure... That's not supposed to be on the MBE people! Give us a break!

Anyway, it's done. Tomorrow is more essays. I certainly hope that was the harder PT, so I'm looking forward to tomorrow's and getting the heck out of here.

2/3 of the way done, people!

Comment...

2009-02-25T17:57:00.000-08:00

Ok, I tried to post a comment and Blogger won't let me, so I'm pasting it here....

Anon: No worries. I just saw your second post. I disagree about this, though...

"Thus, there would be no need to discuss the rationale for equitable relief in a fraud case here."

The cases talked on and on about how the fact that there were badges of fraud made it preferable that an action at law (for damages on a contract) would now be able to receive equitable relief.

Previously, a plaintiff had to choose. If they brought a suit at law, they were limited to legal remedies (ie. damages). If they brought a suit in equity, then they were limited to equitable rememdies (ie, SP, injunction). If there is a sufficient showing of fraud, then plaintiff is now allowed to "mix" equity and legal remedies, so to speak.

The reason for that is public policy- the judicial process is rendered futile by the fraudulent acts of the defendant. So, you have to show that there was sufficient evidence of fraud in the first place to get to the point where you can even qualify to ask for equitable relief.

Breach of contract allows you to get damages for breach, right? Well, if there is fraud, then that's a whole new ball game. That was the point the cases were making. Once you establish the fraud, you have to meet all the elements to actually get the equitable relief you are seeking. That's the test where you argue all the facts of the harm (of not getting the injunction) to plaintiff and end with the five public policy reasons for why plaintiff getting the injunction not only helps him, it helps the public interest at large, innocent third parties, other creditors who might rush the defendant, etc.

Kind of like if you submit a summary judgment motion to the court, you always start with the rationale why summary judgment can be granted. Sure the judge knows that, but you put it in there anyway to show that YOU know that and to educate the court like they are a two year old (wasn't that in a Denzel Washington movie?)

Just sayin'.

To Anon:

2009-02-25T17:00:00.000-08:00

You may very well be correct on the evidence points- But I went back and read the call three times and it specifically said assume all appropriate objections have been made and was the evidence properly admitted. In the bar prep class and in all the practice essays I did, a question that calls for listing proper objections asks you to do just that.

I did discuss competency of the witness, lay opinion, all of that... I just got through it and had an extra five minutes, so I thought there must be something else. I figured if it was extra, they would just discount and ignore that at the tail end of my essay.

The Confrontation issue was part of my endless hearsay discussions. The whole point of hearsay is to keep out stuff that deprives the right to cross examine witnesses. This is particularly important in criminal cases.

I did not talk about Prop 8, but that's because I know that I do not ever understand where Prop 8 actually has an effect, so I figure that few points is not worth it to show that I flat out don't get what the purpose of it is.

Also on the PT- remember I wrote this recap after three glasses of wine and two hours of retail therapy, so I was long past wanting to post the entirety of my answer and probably forgot half the stuff I wrote.

After reading your comment- yes, I understand that the likelihood of success on the merits is for the underlying contract case. That's the whole argument I made. I did analysis arguing all the reasons (based on the facts) that plaintiff would be likely to succeed on that claim- the next step of that prong is that his likelihood of success paves the way for a clear right to equitable relief. Basically, if he is likely to win the pending case, he then gets by extension a right to claim irreparable harm and can get the injunction until the suit is over. This is not foreign analysis to me, as I wrote an ex parte TRO motion three weeks ago, which I won. I really think the only reason I was able to finish that PT was because I recently wrote that motion and was quickly able to grab onto the format of the argument and regurgitate the proper analysis. If that was something different, I would have run out of time and gotten it all outlined and a sentence or two under each heading like last February with that Thursday afternoon PT.

You might be right about me being wrong... However, last year when I took the bar, I left the exam saying to myself "Honestly, I think I got a 60 on this question, a 65 on that question... and a 55 on that PT and a 65 on that PT." And I was exactly right about my scores when they came in the mail.

So, should I be worried? Maybe. Am I worried. Absolutely not. Because angst and anxiety and over-analyzing how well I wrote this or how well I argued that got me taking this exam three friggin' times. If I had just blocked out the voices of all the people who said, "To pass the bar, you have to..." I would have been done a long, long time ago. I am over being hunched up with worry about how I wrote this or that.

And I honestly think my writing is better for it this time around, too. When I went back after doing some 60 to 70 essays in prep for this week, I looked at my past exam answers and saw that my writing had a hesitancy. I did a lot of "this is likely to", "may", "could" and I didn't just take a damn position. This time, I went back and made myself outline a question, then type the answer that actually got a 70, 75, or 80. And I started seeing the right way to do it in a way no one could have told me or advised me. I decided that it's kind of like drafting complaints- you can worry about it and it'll come out dismal, or you can go for it and it comes out so much better. Confidence comes across on paper, and the bar examiners like it (along with rule statements and analysis.)

So, that's partly why yesterday, especially since it was a persuasive argument, I wrote it like I would write a real first draft of an MPA. Here's the facts and here's the list of reasons why we meet the elements we have to meet and just assert every last thing you have to assert.

I was actually thinking about it this morning (although I had not seen your comment yet) while they were reading the MBE instructions and I thought yesterday after uploading my answers that I didn't use the foreign law stuff, but really I did- quite a bit. I used it for the factual analysis throughout. Three people all around me were panicking that they just didn't use it at all, so if it was hard for everybody, then it was just hard.

So, was my recap indicative of what was actually on my paper at the end of the three hours? Probably not entirely.

Was I trying to capture the gist. Sorta.

Mostly I was writing it for some catharsis and to get it clear from my mind so I could switch gears to MBE mode.

Anyway, I saw that you posted a second comment, although I have not actually read it yet, but that's really all I have to say about that. Nothing I can do about it now anyway, and hopefully I will never know what my actual score was on each essay and PT. I know I can get a 65 on an essay and still pass 'cause I have done the math, so if I dropped five points on talking about character for a paragraph at the end, oh well. I'll just have to live with myself. I was eleven points away last February and got two 60's, so I am not going to get all worked up.

Obligatory Recap...

2009-02-24T18:51:00.000-08:00

Okay, so here it is...

Question 1: Full Professional Responsibility- conflicts of interest, fee issues, whistle
blower stuff, nothing too exotic.

Question 2: Civil Procedure: transfer of venue and discovery issues. How happy am I that I have done insurance defense PI work? Pretty happy since it asked about getting maintenance records via discovery requests and getting a physical and mental examination of plaintiff. All federal.

Question 3: California Evidence. Weird format. It looked like a transcript objection question but the call said assume all proper objections have been made. It drove me nuts. I just kept thinking- that assumes facts not in evidence, that question is leading, that question calls for speculation. I guess the idea was to mislead the people who didn't read the call. So the issues I got were the marital privileges (duh- she's his ex-wife and they were married when he supposedly did the robbery), hearsay, more hearsay, more fake you out with something that could only be hearsay but is really nothing, and then the last one I finally decided was character. She gave her opinion as to what the statement via the telephone meant and it turned out her opinion was that she thought they committed a crime, and I just had too much time, so I settled on that as the only thing that actually fit. I even threw in competency of the witness for one of them because I just jammed through it too fast and I knew they must want something else. Plus you have a criminal defendant in CA court, mercy rule, all three kinds of evidence can come in for rebuttal, yadda yadda yadda, there ya go.

I can safely say I think I got a minimum of 70 on each of those essays. If I got something less, I would be shocked(!).

Anyway, PT was (I certainly hope) the harder of the two this afternoon. Memo of Points & Authorities on a guy who was suing some foreign guy and two corporations and they were trying to transfer all the asset value of the corps to evade his reach at the time of ultimate judgment. Can he get a temporary injunction? Oh, and that just drove me NUTS. I learned TRO, preliminary injunction, and permanent injunction. The PT kept calling it temporary injunction. Get the term right people! Not that big a deal, but I kept having to be real careful to call it the same thing they called it and it just bugged.

There was all kinds of bizarre stuff in there.... some resume and declaration from an international law guy who would testify as to the rules applied in the foreign countries. A statute that talked about the correct procedure for introducing the foreign law for the court to consider. Uh.... okay. Now WTF do I do with this? It has nothing to do with getting a prelim injunction and that's what the brief is about.

There was also a third case in one of the cases, but it was overturned, so I just said that it was overturned and ignored it after that.

I was very happy that after all the writing this time around, I completely ignored all the um, "advice" about what to do on a PT. This is what I started doing for those half factual, half argument ones...

I need more time for the argument, so I immediately start writing the facts, as I read them. Typing them cements them in my mind, and I was done with the statement of the facts slightly more time than it took to read them. Then I moved on to the library and read that stuff. I ended up getting the factual stuff done in about 15 minutes, read the library for 25 minutes, outlined and just thought for 5-10 minutes, and then wrote like crazy for the rest of the time.

I spent probably 2 hours and 15 minutes just writing the argument, so I got it all in there. It wasn't the prettiest, but I figured out how to use everything I thought had any importance whatsoever. And it all had some decent analysis (not like last year's goofy con law PT that I completely f'd up.)

Like the weird statute that repeated itself. WTF? I decided to argue he was a covered by one because of the contract and so he was a present creditor, and he was covered by the one that included future creditors because he had the pending suit and he was going to prevail on the merits.

Covered 1) the issue of irreparable harm- if he can show a fraudulent transfer then he establishes irreparable harm. That took a long time to go through all those facts and analyze and then compare to the two cases. Sheesh.

Covered 2) likelihood of success on the merits, therefore he has a clear right to equitable relief. Went on and on about the rationale for equitable relief in a fraud instance, blah blah blah. Even I was bored writing it. I feel sorry for the examiners, slogging through all that stuff.

Covered 3) the public policy stuff- five friggin' public policy reasons. Went through each one, applied the reason to the case at bar. Tried to also discuss the remedies in the statutes and how they also applied but that was minimal cuz I just got low on time.

Ugh! I was exhausted when I was done.

Then I went and got some retail therapy. Now I feel much better.

Now I am going to have me a nice glass of wine, review one or maybe two outlines, if I even do that, and relax. I just feel like this is my last time doing this. If I can't pass knowing what I know, then I am just not meant to be a lawyer. I don't know what else to say about that. I used everything, argued the shit out of the facts, and knew for SURE what each rule I was writing was and why it should go right there and not somewhere else. Don't know what else to do after that...

So, I'm gonna go tomorrow and do what I can with the MBEs. I purposely do not care about riparian water rights. Ooops, gonna hafta skip that question. Also do NOT care about the RAP. Check a box and moving on.

The Thursday I'm doing the same thing I did today. Then I'm going home to open a bottle of Gary Farrell. Cuz I deserve it.

Ah...

2009-02-23T22:47:00.000-08:00

So, I got here, had trouble settling in and writing out approaches but finally found my groove...

Went to dinner with an acquaintance who is also taking the bar. Relaxed, talked about other things, all was good.

Got back here and had a small problem settling in, but got back to it pretty quickly. Once I started having issues with hand cramps and wanting to turn on the TV, I went down to the hotel bar and ordered a glass of wine and sipped slowly while writing out approaches. Discussed the establishment and free exercise clauses as well as the relative hardships of the bar exam vs. the series seven exam with drunk guy and his friend, then continued writing approaches.

Got through all approaches with about 85-90% accuracy without looking at my master ones. Felt good about that, and still feel good about the rainbow on the way here. Not sure why.

Now I am going to read my newest issue of Bon Appetit and Eating Well and enjoy some banal television... in the morning I will again listen to my super soothing nice lady who tells me how smart and amazing I am. Seriously, someone posted it on the Cal Bar Repeaters group and this lady is so soothing- I LOVE HER. No, really- I want to have this lady in my life every day I ever have to go into court. She's so nice. She's so soothing. She's so positive.... I wish I had her all through the FIRST bar prep. I woulda passed the first time with this lady, dammit.

Anyway, not focusing on the negative... we are focusing on the positive. I am actually happy to go tomorrow and take the test. I know that sounds weird and twisted, but I'm kind of excited, like I know this is my last chance to show the examiners what I know, so I just want to get to it already.

Ahhhh...... I don't know what happened to me this time, but the bar is so much nicer and better this time. (Geez, I must sound like I'm on crack or something...)

I'll post tomorrow and we'll see if my calm continues.

Ohm...

2009-02-23T16:38:00.000-08:00

I'm here and all checked in, but I have to spend the next couple of hours re-writing my approaches over and over to calm my nerves....

I did see a very nice rainbow that stayed in the sky the entire way into Sacramento. This made me so calm and happy... :)

Final Stretch...

2009-02-22T10:21:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I made my husband sit there with me last night slogging through sets of flashcards... after evidence, PR, crim law, and crim pro I knew everything to about 85% retention.

I haven't focused much on con law this time around, though. Last February I did almost a week trying to thoroughly learn con law, and I really didn't get that much out of it. I know enough to write a coherent 70 point essay on speech or one of the major areas, and I know enough to get about 60% on the MBEs, and that's just gonna hafta be good enough. Con law is my one subject where I don't get better at it no matter how much I study it, so to ease my stress, this time, I said, screw it. I'll put my time where I think I can raise my scores.

Hopefully that gamble will pay off. I did reach a much quieter inner peace when studying this time. I certainly didn't like, 'cause let's face it, no one does, but I didn't hate every last waking second, either. Allocating a certain time each day and giving myself permission to be done with studying after that helped enormously. It also helped my ability to get through without feeling crazy and completely out of sorts.

I still took a stack of flashcards when I went to pick the kids up at school, and so that 15 minutes of waiting for them was not wasted. However, I did NOT try to study when they were around for the vast majority of time. I simply closed off the possibility of doing certain things, such as cleaning my house or keeping up on grocery shopping. If I didn't have dinner ready, I simply said to my husband, "I don't know what we're eating for dinner." After a couple of grouchy exchanges, he became somewhat accepting and was more helpful, allowing me downtime that I needed, and I refused to feel guilty for it.

The same is true today. I will go over to a friend's house to have snacks and watch the Oscars, and I'm not gonna feel guilty that I am not sitting at home studying. I have planned time tomorrow afternoon when I get to Sacramento- I will sit down and write out each Cheat Sheet/Approach in my stack, and then I'm going over to Arden Fair Mall to do a little shopping. I have even set aside some money for that purpose. I religiously set aside about $1,000 so I would not be worried about how to pay for lunch while I am at the bar, or how to pay for gas to get home. In so many, many ways, my stress has quieted to a slight occasional murmur, rather than a prolonged two month long, searing headache, as in past test administrations. I know that I know enough to pass this test. I know the law, I know how to write. All I need is calm and a little luck with arrangement of topics, and all will be well.

Ready?...

2009-02-21T11:50:00.000-08:00

Am I ready? I go back and forth. One minute I feel like I just don't know it as well as last February, but then if I pull out any random set of flashcards, I know the rules, so I feel better.

MBEs are the same for me. Actually, in some ways they are easier. I don't hate them as much. By that I mean that I read one, and I have the gist of what they are looking for. However, I just don't know some of the minute rules, so I am aware that if I could remember if the measure of damages between merchants is at the time of breach (it is- I looked it up), or at the time the contract was made compared to the contract price, then getting the right answer is not a problem.

However, I know I am not going to know it all. That's just impossible and too much to expect, so I'm past even trying or panicking about that. I know my writing is soooo much better and more confident. Doing essays got to the point where I could read the question and start spilling out the answer without even thinking twice, which is how I used to be in law school. I knew I was ready for a final when I could go through past exam questions and immediately see the answer in my head as it should be laid out. So, that is fine.

PT's: I actually feel really good about those. I figure one will be factually based and I feel like I know exactly what to do with that one. The other will be more rule, argument based, and therefore harder for me to cram into the time requirements ( I like to mull over and so the time crunch always throws me), but I'm just going to do the obvious, do what I can, and make sure I cover everything I can possibly think of.

So, aside from last minute memorizing, which I know I need to continue on, I am pretty much ready. I wrote out, using my blank page method, all my approaches this morning and feel really, really good about the stuff that I KNOW that I know. And even stuff that I think I don't know, I actually mostly do. On topics, like Con Law, that I know less well, I am at about 70% rentention right now, so I think if my worst subject is at 70% solid comfort level, then there isn't much more I could expect from myself.

Most importantly, I don't want to kill myself right now, as in past last weekends before the bar. I feel pretty good. I'm actually kind of looking forward to going there, sitting down in the test room, and showing the examiners what I know and that they have made a serious error in not giving me my bar card already.

So, that's where I'm at. Hope all is well with you, dear reader. Although comments are few, I know from my site meter counts that people are reading. So, good luck to all who are sharing this experience with me, and let's go kick some bar exam ass.

I am sure I will post again, but I just feel like I am now done preparing. I have memorized, worked on my writing, and mentally prepared, so the rest is just downhill- just finalizing and cementing the work I have done. I hope the same is true for all of you.

Tired...

2009-02-18T09:44:00.000-08:00

Ugh...

You know that feeling when you wake up in the middle of the night, as in 12:15, and just KNOW it is going to be a long night?

Well, that's what happened last night.

By 5:00 a.m., I had done all of evidence exhaustively. And I was exhausted. And I still couldn't get to sleep.

Now I get to do my evidence MBEs in a bleary-eyed haze. Sigh.

Happy Valentine's Day...

2009-02-13T16:36:00.001-08:00

I couldn't resist...

CA/FED Civ Pro...

2009-02-13T12:07:00.000-08:00

Here is my breakdown of the distinctions... keep in mind that I purposely left out things that I thought were not really differences. The only real example that comes to mind is the class action distinctions, as I decided that I just didn't think the differences were substantive enough to warrant learning.

Enjoy....

CA/FED Civ Pro Distinctions

CA long arm statute= constitutional limits
CA conflict of Law Rules= For Tort claims: if there is a conflict, balance the state interests
For Contract claims: if choice of law clause is enforceable, then balance the state interests
Subject Matter Jurisdiction
Fed-
1) Federal Question or
2) Diversity
CA-
1) Limited Civil= $25K or less,
2) Unlimited civil= more than $25K,
3) Small claims= under $7,500
Venue
Fed-
determines the judicial district in which an action under fed jurisdiction may be brought
Rule: proper:
1) where any defendant resides (if all in same state), or
2) where the T/O properly held/occurred
If no 1 or 2, in solely diversity cases, where any defendant is subject to PJ
If no 1 or 2, not diversity cases, where any defendant is found
CA-
determines the county in which an action within state court jurisdiction may be brought
Rule:
1) the county where where any defendant resides, where the contract performance or execution to occur, or where the tort occurred. (For corps, where the contract is to be performed, the breach occurs, or the principle place of business.)
Transfer of Venue
Fed- improper venue may be waived
Venue may be transferred “in the interest of justice”
CA- if improper, may still transfer if 1) not impartial, 2) convenience, or 3) no qualified judge in that county
Venue selection clauses unenforceable
Service of Process
Fed:
1) personal delivery,
2) leave at dwelling house or usual abode with person of suitable age and discretion residing therein, or
3) serving an agent appointed for service.
Alternate ways are
4) to follow the methods for service of process in the state where the federal court sits, and
5) if Defendant out of state, pursuant to the state’s rules where the action is pending
CA:
1) not a party and
2) over the age of 18
Options:
1) personal
2) Substituted followed by mailing
3) mail
4) publication
Immunity from Process
Fed:
1) if enter the state to appear in another action, or
2) fraud or deceit by the plaintiff
CA: no immunity
Injunctions
Fed- TRO: 10 day period if:
1) Irreparable harm
2) Must show why notice not required, and
3) Post security bond
CA TRO:
1) no time limit-expires when preliminary injunction issued or denied
2) if no notice- hearing on prelim injunction within 15 days
3) court has discretion to issue without a bond
Pleadings
Fed: Notice Pleading, must include:
1) Grounds of jurisdiction
2) Short statement of claim (fraud pled with particularity)
3) Demand for judgment for relief
CA: Fact Pleading (based on Code)
1) Statement of facts
2) Demand for judgment for relief
Pre-Answer Motion/Demurrer
Fed:
Motion to dismiss, for:
1) Lack of SMJ
2) Lack of PJ
3) Improper venue
4) Insufficiency of Process
5) Insufficiency of Service if Process
6) Failure to State a Claim for Relief
7) Failure to Join Indispensible Party
CA:
calls the 12(b)(6) motion a demurrer, works the same as the federal counterpart
Two kinds:
1) General demurrer- like 12(b)(6), can’t bring for lack of SMJ
2) Special demurrer- can bring for:
a. Lack of legal capacity
b. Other action pending
c. Defect/misjoinder of parties
d. Uncertain pleadings
e. Oral/written contract not plead
f. Not filing required certificates
Motion to Quash/Strike
Fed:
1) Motion to quash- objection to PJ, file with answer to preserve objection
2)Motion for more definite answer- must be before answering (in CA, special demurrer)
3)Motion to strike- used for any insufficient defense, redundant immaterial or scandalous material (CA has anti-SLAPP motion to strike)
Pre-Trial or Trial Procedures
Fed:
1) Must have general/special denial(s)
2) Must include affirmative defenses
3) If Rule 12 motion, answer within 20 days
4) If waive formal service, must answer within 60 days
CA:
1) General or specific denial(s)
2) If complaint verified, answer must also be verified
3) 30 days to answer complaint
4) If demurrer, must be within 10 days
Default Judgments
Fed:
is a sum certain
2) Party failed to appear, and
3) Party is not infant or incompetent
4) Notice after default required before default hearing
CA:
clerk may enter if
1) Arises out of contract or judgment
2) There is a sum certain
3) Party was not served by publication
4) Notice not required and no right to appear at default hearing
Counterclaims/Cross Complaints
Fed:
called counter claims
1) Compulsory- requires same T/O
2) Permissive- needs independent jurisdiction
3) Must reply within 20 days
CA:
called Cross Complaints
Amended Pleadings
Fed:
1) amendment to new cause of action, relates back to original complaint, must be same T/O
2) amendment to add new Defendant, if S of L not run, is permitted
3) exceptions- 1) mistake ID, within 120 days, and party knew or should have known
CA:
1) misnomer doctrine
2) Doe amendments (within 3 years of filing complaint), if:
a. Genuinely ignorant
b. Original complaint has the allegations in it
Intervention
Fed:
1) Of right- interest in property or transaction, no apparent supp. Jur.
2) Permissive- question of fact/law in common, not necessarily a direct or pecuniary interest, needs independent jurisdiction
CA:
requires “direct and immediate interest”
Discovery
Fed:
affirmative duty to make reasonable inquiry into facts and disclose information
CA:
no automatic disclosure requirement
Work Product
Fed:
discoverable upon showing of:
1) Substantial need, and
2) Avoid undue hardship
CA:
substantially the same, but language is “unfairly prejudice or result in injustice”
Case Management
Fed:
requires meet and confer to plan discovery, court makes a schedule they have to follow
CA:
case management conference will be scheduled by court within 180 days of filing c/o
Jury Trial
Fed:
7th A preserves right to jury trial in federal court if suit is:
1) Common law, and
2) Greater than $20
3) Must make demand within 20 days or waived
4) Legal claims tried first, then equitable
CA:
right exists for,
1) Common law claims
2) Gist of the action legal rather than equitable
Dismissal by Plaintiff
Fed:
as a matter of right until answer/SMJ filed or stipulation of all parties
CA:
as a matter of right until commencement of trial (unless parties agree otherwise)
Directed Verdict/Nonsuits
Fed:
called Judgment as a Matter of Law (Directed Verdict), renewed judgment as a matter of law must be filed within 10 days after entry of judgment
CA:
called nonsuit, motion made after plaintiff’s opening, may be partial (on certain issues)
Called directed verdict after all evidence is presented
Motion for a New Trial
Fed:
within 10 days
CA:
within 15 days
Same grounds, failure to move for new trial will be waived on appeal
Motion for Summary Judgment
Fed:
defendant can bring at any time, plaintiff/claimant can bring 20 days or after another party brings
CA:
any party- after 60 days since general appearance of the other party
Otherwise, both substantially the same
Relief from Judgment
Fed:
grounds
1) Mistake, inadvertence, surprise or excusable neglect
2) New evidence
3) Misconduct, fraud of adverse party
4) Void judgment
5) Satisfaction/release/discharge/prior judgment vacated or reversed
6) Generally within one year
CA:
grounds
1) Mistake, inadvertence, surprise, or excusable neglect
2) Reasonable time, not to exceed 6 months
3) Void judgment
Final Judgment
Fed:
unless judge makes express determination, order on some parties will not be final- must dispose of the whole case on its merits by rendering final judgment as to all parties and all claims
Notice of appeal within 30 days
CA:
judgment against some is final if no further issues and is immediately appealable
Notice of appeal within 60 days
Res Judicata
Fed:
final when rendered
Includes all rights from the same transaction or occurrence
CA:
final when all appeals exhausted
Includes “primary rights” (based on causes of action, ie. for personal injury, property damages, etc.)

2009-02-09T15:41:00.001-08:00

The bar study experience....

Sometimes too much to drink isn't
enough.

CP...

2009-02-09T13:36:00.001-08:00

CP is DONE. Four essays, and by the third I was spilling out the rules concisely, distributing assets properly, even got my intro down to a concise quick little paragraph... I'll just have to make sure Van Camp and Perreira are down in the memory bank for the three days and I'll be done...

Defamation...

2009-02-05T14:39:00.000-08:00

Oh, and to follow up on yesterday... I notice there has been no defamation for a while. Hey, I KNOW defamation- wouldn't it be cool if that showed up in 19 days?

Just sayin'.

PR...

2009-02-05T14:32:00.000-08:00

8 PR essays later... and I am tired. I see ethical violations EVERYWHERE.

Just sayin'.

Plus, I just disagree that it is proper in California for an attorney to have sex with his client as long as he or she reasonably believes that it will not interfere with their ability to represent the client.

I mean, how would you really know that? If they are good in bed, you'd certainly want to do better for them, but then there's the alternative.... if they suck in bed and do weird stuff that makes you think they are crazy or worse, then how could that NOT affect your representation of them?

These are the kind of thoughts that kept me from passing previously... back to rule, apply, conclude... much safer that way.

Torts...

2009-02-04T17:00:00.000-08:00

I have now done everything that has a good score for the last five years for torts....

Too tired to type anymore... will update checklist later....

Contract Remedies...

2009-02-02T14:30:00.001-08:00

Wow, so I have found what I should have done last February.... I did this in law school, and then followed people's dumb advice and didn't do it for the bar and my scores suffered as a result.

I got myself a subscription to baressays.com. So, each day, my schedule is this: go to gym, use the machines and look like an idiot while I go through flashcards memorizing. Get sweaty and tired, so stop by Starbucks for a nice short nonfat latte. Come home and shower, then pull up baressays and pick a topic. Today it was contract remedies: pull up question, read and outline it (the first one is hard), and then retype the best scored answer(s) on baressays that correspond to that question. Pick another question in the same topic, lather, rinse, repeat.

By the third essay, I was able to outline within five minutes and type at a FAST clip getting all the elements in no time. It also teaches me how to limit the issues to what they are looking for and not get off on a tangent or get too far down the wrong path. Also, you get in and out FAST. A LOT faster than I typically was doing in the past.

Yes, the stoooopid California Bar Exam will not beat me this time!

I'm just sayin'.

Interesting Stuff....

2009-01-30T14:08:00.000-08:00

I came across this today and thought it might be of interest...

Contract Breach Approach...

2009-01-30T13:41:00.001-08:00

And here is the contract breach section....

Contract Breach General Approach:

A contract is a promise or a set of promises that the law will afford a remedy if breached. Here, the issue is whether ______ breached the contract.

A party will be liable for breach of a contract when 1) there is an absolute duty to perform, 2) there is a failure to perform, and 3) the breach is material. Once these elements are met, a party will have 4) remedies for breach.

1. Absolute Duty to Perform: A duty to perform under the contract arises when 1) all conditions have been excused/extinguished 2) the duty was not discharged, and 3) there are no defenses.

a. Conditions still existing?
b. Defenses to formation

i. Statute of Frauds (marriage, year, land, executor, goods>$500,surety)

1. Memorialized writing: requires

a. Identify parties
b. Subject matter
c. Terms and conditions
d. Recital of consideration
e. Signed by charged party

ii. Unconscionability: oppression and unfair surprise

c. Defenses to enforcement

d. Non-Parties: incidental or intended/creditor or donee benificiary

e. Delegation: Generally, all contract rights may be delegated freely.

i. Elements

1. Manifest intent
2. No formalities
3. Delegator remains liable on contract

ii. Exceptions:
1. Personal judgment/skill
2. If would change obligee’s expectancy (requirement/output cases)
3. Special trust
4. Contractual restriction

f. Assignment: Generally, all contract rights may be assigned.

i. Elements
1. Manifest intent
2. Adequately described
3. Consideration not required

ii. Exceptions
1. Substantially changes obligor’s duty or risk
2. Future right on future contracts
3. If it is prohibited by law

g. Excuses to performance

i. Failure to cooperate

ii. Actual breach

iii. Anticipatory Repudiation: options
1. Sue
2. Suspend and wait to sue
3. Treat contract as discharged and rescind
4. Ignore and urge performance

iv. Inability to perform

v. Substantial performance

vi. Divisibility

vii. Waiver or Estoppel

viii. Impracticability

ix. Impossibility

2. Failure to Perform: (who failed to perform? What did they do? Was the duty to perform discharged via one of the following?)

a. Illegality
b. Novation
c. Accord & Satisfaction
d. Impossibility
e. Substituted Contract
f. Modification
g. Frustration of Purpose
h. Operation of Law/Running of Statute
i. Mutual Rescission or Release
j. Condition Subsequent
k. Impracticability

3. Material Breach: A breach is material based on the following factors:
a. Amount of benefit received
b. Adequacy of compensation
c. Extent of past performance
d. Hardship
e. Negligent or willful behavior
f. Likelihood of performance

4. Remedies for Breach:
a. Damages:

i. standard measure- expectation that permit P to buy a substitute

ii. consequential- if reasonably foreseeable at time of entering the K

b. Specific performance
c. Rescission and restitution
d. Quasi-contractual relief:

i. failed contract and

ii. unjust enrichment
1. benefit conferred
2. expectation of payment
3. knowledge of expectation of payment
4. unjust to retain benefit

Contracts...

2009-01-28T16:13:00.000-08:00

Since contracts are one of my harder subjects, I have been working diligently on them... And, for your veiwing pleasure, I have broken down the basic contract formation question into my own little approach, boilerplate, cheat sheet, memorization key, what have you. Whatever you want to call it, I found that I really need the mental image of how a basic issue will break down and where each rule or item will go in the flow of the essay. This is also so the last two weeks I can do the blank page method of memorizing, which just means I take a large stack of blank pages and start writing out issue approaches over and over until I can do each without referencing my master one. It worked well last February and took away much of my panic at the sheer quantity of memorizing there was to do, so I plan to do that again.

I make no claim of the all-encompassing perfection of this approach, but it is how I will be going about answering any contract formation question I get....

Since it comes out small when I upload it as a jpeg image, I also copied the text into the post below. However, if you would like me to email it, I will certainly do so if ya leave a comment for me.

Enjoy.

Contract Formation...

2009-01-28T16:00:00.000-08:00

Contract Formation General Approach:

A contract is a promise or a set of promises that the law will afford a remedy if breached. Contracts are classified by how they are formed and how they may be accepted. The law governing a contract is generally common law, but for goods, UCC Article 2 will apply.

A contract requires 1) Mutual Assent, 2) Consideration, and 3) No Defenses:

1. Mutual Assent:
a. Offer: An offer creates the power of acceptance in the offeree. The elements of an effective offer are:
i. Expression of present intent to be bound
ii. Definite and certain terms
iii. Communicated to the offeree

An offer can be terminated by: 1) the act of either party (revocation, rejection, lapse) or 2) operation of law: (death or insanity, destruction of subject matter, supervening illegality).

b. Acceptance: Acceptance requires the following:
i. Power of acceptance
ii. Communicated to offeree
iii. Not assignable
iv. Must be unequivocal (Mirror Image Rule) and
v. Is effective upon dispatch (Mailbox Rule)

2. Consideration:
a. Bargained-for Exchange:
i. Bargain
ii. Legal Value
b. Substitution for Consideration:
i. Promissory Estoppel/Detrimental Reliance: (requires)
1. Promisor reasonably expect to induce act or forebearance
2. Act or forebearance actually occurs
3. Act or forebearance is of a definite and substantial character
4. Recovery is limited as justice requires
ii. Good faith modification under the UCC

3. No Defenses: Possible defenses to contract formation include:
a. Mutual mistake:
i. Both parties mistaken
ii. Material adverse effect on the contract
b. No consideration
c. Illegality
d. Incapacity:
i. Infancy
ii. Insanity
iii. Intoxication
iv. Duress/coercion

List...

2009-01-22T14:07:00.000-08:00

OK, so I made a nice little list to keep me on track.... As time goes by, items will get checked off and I will be able to see concrete improvement as we get closer....

Also, I will post my breakdown of each topic in order to solidify them in my little mush brain and for your reading pleasure....

Inspiration...

2009-01-22T13:55:00.001-08:00

PTs...

2009-01-22T13:31:00.001-08:00

I hate PTs. They are stupid. I can get to the point of having all the file read and blocked out, and then I completely lose interest.... I really, really don't care if the fictional guy gets to exercise his stock options after quitting and going to work for a competitor fictional company. I'm not going to get to draft the summary judgment motion in that case, so it holds no excitement for me...

I'm just sayin'.

That being said... I know I have to get my concentration back so on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon I am not so bored I want to poke my highlighter in my eye rather than write what the examiners want to see, so I am plugging away. If I could just get done with the damn thing, I could use the nice 80 point answer on baressays to check my work and see how close I came to a failing score. ;)

Than I can go back to torts.... hmmm... a defamatory statement, of or concerning plaintiff, publication and damages... memorizing is much more concrete and therefore easier for me to sink my teeth into.

It'll get better... it has to, right?

Purple...

2009-01-18T09:17:00.000-08:00

Painted Big J's room yesterday- now it looks like a grape threw up in there. It's definitely Hannah Montana purple.

Today it is torts... Anyone have comments on how to get and stay motivated to study?

OTH...

2009-01-14T09:38:00.001-08:00

I am thinking One Tree Hill has jumped the shark....

Facebook...

2009-01-14T09:31:00.000-08:00

Is the worst kind of crack I have experienced since Tetris while I was in high school. We used to sit around in the school newspaper computer room, endlessly playing Tetris and not doing work on the paper.

That was in high school...

This morning, I spent an hour on Facebook, typing in names and reading the walls of people who have confirmed me as a friend (I'm POP-ul-lar!) instead of finishing my complaint.

And high school was, er, um, a long, long time ago... but somehow nothing has really changed.

Seriously, it's as bad a crack.

No Complaints...

2009-01-13T16:24:00.000-08:00

I have no complaints. I just found out my friend A's husband has cancer. He is the nicest man you ever met, and she's just as nice.

I wish them all the luck in the world.

So, see, I got no complaints. None. I should also delete my last whiny post that was all about me and how I didn't want to have to do stuff that it is really a privilege to be able to do.

Motivation....

2009-01-13T09:02:00.001-08:00

Anyone else motivated to study?

Me, not so much. So, here is my list of things I'd rather do than study for the bar....

1. check facebook.
2. check Craigslist's free postings for my area (just in case there's some random gem on there.)
3. scrub the bathroom.
4. draft complaints (although I am getting tired of those right now.)
5. call witnesses.
6. clean the kitchen.
7. pay bills.
8. watch the new episode of One Tree Hill on the DVR.
9. vacuum.
10. fold laundry.

As you can see, the aversion is severe, since household chores, including bathrooms and bill paying (both of which I despise and avoid at all costs) rank above bar study.

Lovey...

2009-01-11T21:12:00.000-08:00

Phone call to the vet's office on Friday at 10:00 a.m.

Me: Hi, how much to get a boy cat fixed?

Vet: $65.00.

Me: Ok, well, I think I need to bring my cat in. I caught him, er... um... well.... you know... with the girl cat this morning... in front of my kids.

Vet: (laughing) Well, try telling them they're wrestling.

Me: Yeah, I am not sure I want to be responsible for the therapy fees later in life because I explained the facts of life to them at age 5.

Vet: Okay, we can take him on Tuesday.

Me: Fabulous. I can mange until then... I think....

Vet: And what is the cat's name?

Me: Lovey.

Vet: (Laughing AGAIN) I'm sure he is....

Pets...

2009-01-10T16:48:00.000-08:00

Not bar related, but I saw this and thought it was worth spreading around....

A PET'S TEN COMMANDMENTS........

1. My life is likely to last 10-15 years. Any separation from you is likely to be painful.

2. Give me time to understand what you want of me.

3. Place your trust in me. It is crucial for my well-being.

4. Don't be angry with me for long and don't lock me up as punishment. You have your work, your friends, your entertainment, but I have only you.

5. Talk to me. Even if I don't understand your words, I do understand your voice when speaking to me.

6. Be aware that however you treat me, I will never forget it.

7. Before you hit me, before you strike me, remember that I could hurt you, and yet, I choose not to bite you.

8 Before you scold me for being lazy or uncooperative, ask yourself if something might be bothering me. Perhaps I'm not getting the right food, I have been in the sun too long, or my heart might be getting old or weak.

9. Please take care of me when I grow old. You too, will grow old.

10. On the ultimate difficult journey, go with me please. Never say you can't bear to watch. Don't make me face this alone. Everything is easier for me if you are there, because I love you so.

Take a moment today to be grateful for your pets. Enjoy and take good care of them. Life would be a much duller, less joyful experience without them.

Essays...

2009-01-02T10:33:00.001-08:00

In case anybody is starting the new year in an effort to do endless past essays, here is a link to lots and lots of old ones.... You hafta register, but hey, better than paying for the same thing from Barbri...

Click Here

Materials...

2008-12-04T12:38:00.001-08:00

So, my friend A is going through what I went through when I didn't pass the first time. After talking to her some and lots of emailing about this, it has come to my attention that there are many misconceptions about bar study materials. I, too, fell victim to thinking that I had to have more materials to ensure a pass on the exam.

So, in an effort to allow others to learn from some of my mistakes, here is my list of myths surrounding bar prep-- specific to materials in particular....

Myth #1: I must have the newest materials to be the best prepared for the exam.
Truth: No. You don't. Period. Buy stuff off Craigslist. Buy your friend's old stuff who was a year ahead of you in law school. I had a set of PMBR books from five years ago and a set from ten years ago. I purchased new ones as well. Lo and behold, those ten year old books are EXACTLY THE SAME as the new ones. Same questions, same answers, same effing typos, SAME EVERYTHING. So, don't blow money on the newest stuff. It's just wasting money.

Myth #2: I must focus on the distinctions between California law and federal law (evidence and civ pro.)
Truth: No. You don't. Well, maybe spend 15 to 30 minutes recognizing that there are some distinctions and be aware of what areas have distinctions, but do not spend inordinate amounts of time studying the minutiae of these. There is enough minutiae on the exam without making it worse.

Myth #3: If I just buy this or that (or any) extra book, it'll be the key to passing.
Truth: No. Wrong. Using the daylights out of the materials you have will do it. Spending time buying materials and shopping for materials is a waste of precious study time. You need something that has MBEs in it (PMBR books and/or Strategies and Tactics for the MBE), and something that you can practice essays from. Also, a Conviser Mini Review. That's about it. PT study materials are largely filled with really old, outdated examples of PTs and aren't even all that helpful (the bar website is best for those because they are actually recent). Just. Don't. Buy. Any. More.

Myth #4: I must have a personal tutor to be assured of passing.
Truth: You don't necessarily. And I say this having NOT passed, but I am just not of the persuasion that it is absolutely necessary to spend $5,000 on a personal tutor to keep you on your study schedule and show you the basic traps of writing an essay answer. Join the yahoo repeaters group. Talk to some friends who are also studying. Spend only $75 on baressays.com and spend some quality time with a question and answers to it that earned a 55, 60, 65, 70, and 75 respectively. A tutor will NOT insert the knowledge into you. You have to teach yourself and spending extra money does not make up for not putting in the time to learn the law. You will still have to learn the law and learn how to write the way the examiners want to see it. There are no shortcuts. Period.

Myth #5: I can buy flashcards instead of making my own.
Truth: No. Spend less money and accept that your hand will cramp writing out your own flashcards. Again- THERE ARE NO SHORTCUTS. The act of going methodically through each subject, digesting each rule, making it into a concise (and I do mean concise) rule statement, lists to remember, and lists of elements is all exhaustive but necessary work. So, save your money and spend only on blank cards and force yourself to make your own tools for memorization later.

Myth #6: I can study right up to the exam.
Truth: I, too, thought this. Wrong. Treat it like a marathon. You train, then you taper off just before the race. Allow two weeks prior to the exam to simply memorize, write out your approaches or cheat sheets or whatever you are doing to plan for essay issues, and do MBEs. Do not plan to write three essays a day during this time. It's too late then. Learning and practicing are different acts than memorizing, and you do have to memorize some for this exam because there's just so much stuff. Anyone who says you don't need rule statements in addition to analysis is lying to you.

Finally...

Myth #7: 'I am not smart enough to pass' (and it's corollary) 'I am smart enough to get by without working as much as others in order to pass'.
Truth: No. Not true. Lots of stupid people, mean people, brilliant people, nice people, and ethical people pass this test every single administration. If you do the work, you have a good chance of passing. If you do the work, you might still not pass. It's arbitrary. You get a grader who is assigning grades subjectively. There is absolutely no way to calibrate the written portion of the test to make some kind of magic formula that ensures complete objectivity in this exam. So, I instead stick with this philosophy.... I am smart, I worked hard and efficiently to prepare, and I just have to hope that I get the exam that shows my knowledge and skill and the bar gods smile on me this time.

'Nough said.

Vacation...

2008-12-01T08:27:00.001-08:00

Ah... a few days of blissful relaxation and fun to be had at Disneyland and now I feel like I am actually ready to start facing the next step.

New things in my life:
1. working for myself (yay), not the man
2. working on how I am going to make this my last bar exam

Benefits of numbers 1 and 2:
1. more time
2. less stress
3. knowing that I know what it takes to pass
4. a LOT less exhaustion

Last February I went to the exam knowing that I knew the law and that I knew how to write essays and do reasonably well on the MBEs. The PTs, not so much. I took a two day seminar and it really didn't do much except tell me an order to do things and how to get through the library quickly. I also had not figured out how important not being exhausted was to getting through the afternoons.

So, after some reflection, I have arrived at this: The bar prep I did for the essays was excellent. I took a course similar to Essay Advantage that showed me all the ways I was messing up my essays and how to fix that. I also got back fifteen graded essays from them, which started off as 55's and 60's and after three or four turned into 70's and 75's. And lo and behold, my scores on the essay portion: nothing less and than a 65. Basically, I got the ten points per esssay increase I was looking for.

MBE's: it's funny, but I did a LOT less MBE's than the previous exam. I think I did about 2200 for the previous July. I did MBE's until I was so angst ridden about MBEs that I continually talked myself out of the right answer because I could remember having done that question but did not remember which answer I answered or whether the one I wanted to choose was the right one or not. For last February, I did maybe 600 MBE's, and followed the advice of my bar prep person instead. She said knowing the law was the key to the essays AND the MBE's. So, instead of doing lots of those, I focused on making my own flashcards for every single subject and then memorizing them, as well as my approaches/cheat sheets/whatever you want to call them precisely. Man, that was a lot of work, time consuming, and exhausting, but it was what I needed to do. My MBE score jumped some 25 raw points.

PT's: I had a sinking sensation during the Tuesday PT in February. That thing was hard. I was mentally tired from staying up until something a.m. almost every night for the last six weeks. I had gone full blast on the essays in the morning.... I was just tired and was having a hard time getting the nice clear focus that legal writing requires (at least for me). Then Thursday was just as bad, not because it was hard, but because I was that much more tired by Thursday afternoon. And it was con law stuff. Something about con law makes my eyes glaze over. It started with the professor I had in law school, whom I despised. And it continued with the extracurriculars I was doing while in that class to make for a sense of dread and horror when the different scrutinies must be remembered.

So, I walked out of February knowing that I did fine on the essays, fine on the MBEs, and that I probably got a 55 and a 60 or a 65 on the PTS.

And I was right.

So now, I still remember a lot of the rules verbatim. I still remember a lot of the MBEs. In a couple of hours I could get back my memorization on all my cheat sheets. The only area of struggle remains the PT.

However, I know how to write after having drafted hundreds of letters, many many carrier reports, ex parte applications, motions, summary judgment motions, appellate briefs, etc. I am just not worried about my writing skills. I am worried about being too tired to clearly focus. By 3:00, my brain starts turning in circles and I am far less able to focus and write something coherent.

I am down to thinking that simply sitting down, in a non-exigent, panicked way, and looking at some old PTs and some old answers is all I really need to do. That worked really, really well for me in law school. I used to do my outline, study it, get the law all memorized and shrunk down to manageable compartments in my head, and then look at old exams. I could review 5-6 of them and have a good handle on what that professor preferred for style, content, etc.

So, for anonymous who thinks I am not really wanting to pass the exam, I say, nope. You're absolutely wrong. First, I think people who don't pass and then say they didn't really want to be an attorney are saying that to make themselves feel better on at least some level. Sure, there may some validity to working in a law office and realizing that you are not cut out for the job, but the bottom line is this: nobody goes through three years of law school and multiple attempts at the bar exam to be deemed NOT good enough to practice as an attorney.

As for me personally, I was not sure that I wanted to actually be an attorney until after law school when I worked for good and bad attorneys and realized that I really, really, like the job itself. I get to go to work and think, my efforts have an effect on people in the real world (unlike academia, where you get to go and think but it is removed from practical application in many fields), you have flexibility of lifestyle and those with whom you work.... I like research, writing, order and organization, and I like the gamesmanship of figuring out the ways to use a rule/statute to accomplish a goal. In short, the only thing I despise about the law is summarizing medical records. And that just tells me I don't much want to do med mal or P.I. unless it is necessary.

Also to those who say that if you don't pass it's not because you wanted it bad enough, I would say that I guess I agree and disagree at the same time. Do I want to pass- sure. Do I want to pass enough to put my children and my husband on complete hold for an indeterminate length of time? nope. And sure, I did not pass on the first try. I did not pass on the second try (but I came damn close). But I will pass this test eventually, and I know that for sure. I am taking the exam until I pass it, but I am not spending 12 hours per day studying myself into a tizzy anymore to do it. I also don't need to do that anymore. After two study periods, there is not enough to do that I need to spend 12 hours a day. We're not reinventing the wheel, here. Starting from scratch is 12 hours per day. Tweaking and getting back up to speed is not 12 hours per day. It's about 4-6.

So, that's where I am at... now I gotta go get some work done so I can afford food and clothing and shelter and all that good stuff.

Invite...

2008-12-01T08:18:00.000-08:00

Um, so I want an invite to read a couple of people's blogs... To both calbarblonde and lastcallatthecaliforniabar, email me at jen@guiltyminds.com and let me read! Come on, I'm staring the third time in the face... I need fellow commiseraters, here! (And I do not write insensitive, obnoxious comments, so there's no danger there.)

Ugh...

2008-11-23T20:43:00.000-08:00

So, initially on Friday evening, I of course started hearing from my friends who know friends from my law school, about who passed and who didn't.

On the one hand, I don't really begrudge anyone who has passed the California bar exam. On the other hand, hearing about those who passed just conjured up my feelings of anxiety and failure about having taken it in the past. I managed to feel overwhelming waves of failure even though I didn't take the damn thing in July....

Geez....

But, this evening I notice that Cal Bar None passed.... Congrats! I am so, so happy for you! Also, a woman that is in a similar position to me, who graduated a year before me who I had commiserated with in the past during bar prep, J.W., also finally passed, and I am so, so, SO happy for her. She totally deserves it. Knowing that people I like and was pulling for have passed doesn't make me feel bad about myself.

But my friend A. did not pass, so we will be visiting Sacramento in February together. Rat bastards. Well, I am feeling fortunate that at least I will have someone to have dinner with during the three days. Honestly, I'd rather have to eat by myself and save her the angst and anxiety, but what are you gonna do? It is what it is.

On the other hand... it's the people who I thought were just lazy or downright jerky during law school whose passing on the very first try gets to me. I know it shouldn't, but there's a little part of me that is a baby and feels like if I am a generous and nice person and I didn't pass, where is the justice in them passing.

But I got over it, and now I have registered (no snafus on effing THAT up again) and am working on what I think I need to do to make this my last sit for this stupid stupid STUPID exam that is of course a measure of your true worth as a human being and obviously an excellent measure of what an outstanding attorney you will be.... but at least I'm not bitter or anything. ;)

Alas, I am not yet certain what I need to do.

Memorize, certainly. Done.

Do some essays, yep.

Do a smattering of MBEs, absolutely.

Spend any money on bar prep? Not so sure about that.

I am just not sure spending any money will help. I mean, we are talking eleven points here. That's basically getting back up to speed and maintaining cool, calm, un-exhausted focus on the PTs and I will be there.

So, I am still working on the study plan...

Anyone who has ideas, I am open. Obviously, there will be more on this later...

bar...

2008-11-21T09:59:00.000-08:00

Just want to say to all bar applicants who are biting their nails right now awaiting results.... Good Luck to you all and I hope you all NAIL THAT SUCKER.

I'll be eagerly awaiting your posts alerting us to your passage!

News...

2008-11-20T16:41:00.000-08:00

So, I haven't posted for a while... I resolve to get back to my individual therapy.

The reason? Nothing pleasant to say, really. However, I quit my job today and will be working for/with my husband instead. That's partly because I was already doing stuff for him and it was only a matter of time before I needed to quit anyway, and partly because I came to hate my job.

Actually, that's not quite accurate. I came to hate my existence at my job. One of the attorneys I work for and the other law clerk/paralegal/fellow minion I worked with, whom you all know as Uptight Girl, both reached my boiling point.

Uptight Girl constantly sends out rude and mean and authoritative stickies (the little post-it style IM's that Amicus uses, for those who have not used Amicus, which by the way is a fabulous program and I want for my own firm) to people other than our bosses, telling people what to do and why they are doing things wrong. Now, most of the time, this is not directed at me, so I have chosen to ignore it. But, this has become increasingly impossible to do. Uptight Girl is also in the habit of, once she is stressed out (which is just about hourly) snapping at others to the point where anything they say or do is cause for getting their head bitten off. One of the attorneys behaves in likewise fashion when she is under pressure.

As a basic example, a few weeks ago, I was in the conference room with a client at 9:00 a.m. going over discovery that needed to be answered on one of Uptight Girl's cases. This event was listed on the calendar. Uptight Attorney usually comes strolling at about 12:30 p.m. and then proceeds to have lunch for an hour before heading up to her office to make a few phone calls in between talking loudly to her grown kids on her cell phone. Good times, good times.

Anyway, this day, Uptight Attorney happens to arrive early, unbeknownst to me. Suddenly there is pounding on the conference room door, the door jerks open, and Uptight Attorney sharply announces, "You need to get upstairs." Meaning, take the client up to my office. So, I finish with the client as quickly as possible, leave the conference room, and the check the calendar to see if I missed something and should not have been in there. Uptight Attorney had a deposition scheduled in the conference room at 10:30. Hmmmm.... so, you embarrass me and yourself in front of your own client when you don't even need to conference room in the first place. Interesting.

A few days later I was instructed that I needed to call up opposing counsel and take responsibility for Uptight Attorney reneging on an agreement to depose a witness that was made three weeks prior to discovery cutoff and the deadline to bring a discovery motion was also past. I was told I needed to tell opposing counsel that I "made a mistake" when we agreed to this deposition. Um, no, uh uh, I don't think so. I think it is unethical to expect your staff to profess incompetence to cover up your decisions. I will never do that to any of my employees.

This is a mere sampling of the daily bizarre events that brought me to the point where a couple of days ago, I was sitting in my office and realized I had had a headache for about two weeks that just would not go away, I could feel my heart pounding and my blood pressure was sky high, and my hands were literally shaking while I was trying to type at my keyboard. I realized I was nervously anticipating the next butt reaming. And bear in mind that I have not screwed a single thing up since coming to this job.

That was the tipping point. And since we have been talking about not having enough time to work on our own case stuff, I suddenly thought, "what am I doing this for?" I know I want to work for myself, and I want to manage my own schedule, why not start doing it? My husband has been griping that I am not spending enough time on the things he would like help with, and he has opted not to take clients he feels he can't handle without more help, so why would I continue to subject myself to this?

So, today, Uptight Girl gets mad at me because I was working on scheduling a mediation for Sane Attorney. She was mad because she had been working on scheduling some depositions in this large mess of a case she has. She wanted me to stop trying to schedule because she needs to have all dates in December open for those depos. Um, sorry, Sane Attorney told me this had to be scheduled. It has to be scheduled. I have two opposing counsel's and a mediator and the client all working on coordinating their schedules. I think I will need to do it one of the two days I have reserved on the calendar.

She went nuts, started crying and yelling that she spent five hours on the phone yesterday scheduling and I would have to do all that scheduling for her. Um, no, I'm already doing 3/4 of the discovery in that case. I'm not doing all of that case for you. You may think your case events are more important than mine, but they are not necessarily so, and I'm not changing my mediation now. Period.

So, then she went and complained to both attorneys. Then we got hauled into Uptight Attorney's office, where she proceeded to try and mediate the situation. Um, there's nothing to mediate, but since you asked, these are the things that make it hard to do my job. She asked about the things I was scheduling, agreed that Uptight Girl's depos would have to get moved, and Uptight Girl was PISSED OFF. Then she forced us to shake hands because "that's professional." Um, yeah, save it for your clients.

So, Uptight Girl stopped speaking to me. Wonderful. Pleasant. I don't know which is worse: angry silence, crying and screaming, or simply cutting my every sentence off with a snappish retort.

I am just done. I cleaned out my desk, wrote a letter of resignation, and left at 3:00 to go pick up my kids at a normal hour. Tomorrow I am going to the law library to figure out my employment case, and do some research on another case we just took, and things may be tight for a couple of months, but at least I know I can work with my husband without being constantly stressed out or paranoid or completely pissed off. We are pretty open about airing any issues, and once aired, they dissipate.

I think I may need a glass of wine.... I'm still trying to shake the tension and stress. It may take a couple of days before it starts to go away.

Huh?

2008-10-07T10:09:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I realized there is a fundamental difference between me and other people I work with. The girl who does reception buzzed me for a weekly case status meeting. So, I come downstairs and I'm standing there waiting. She says, "I hate case status meetings..."

So, of course, I ask, "Why?"

"Because then I have things to do and I have to update the calendar to reflect everything that was assigned and it just makes work for me."

Um, that's weird. Cuz I was under the impression that having billable activity means the firm makes money and we all get paid and can eventually maybe get paid more. I actually look forward to case status meetings because I start working my way through my running to-do list and when I start running out of items, I start envisioning the unemployment line. New stuff to do means job security. Plus, being busy makes the day go so much faster.

Just sayin'.

Bored...

2008-09-30T12:14:00.000-07:00

It is possible that I flat out become bored easily....

I am largely done with all that is actually needing to be done right now on my desk. Short of starting on my trials coming up in a couple of months, I have nothing to do....

I am starting to think I need to work at a large firm, so there is constant stuff to do and I don't fall into slacker mode, which is what is happening to me right now....

Boring...

2008-09-25T16:35:00.000-07:00

I am sad to report that I am boring these days. Nothing exciting happening... nothing fun happening....

I will be going to Harvest Fair Awards Night on Saturday. That will be an evening of eating, drinking and general debauchery, but that is all.

I actually won something at the last shindig I went to. Every year there is the Taste of Sonoma County wine thingy that is basically an all day affair of all the best restaurants and wineries in Sonoma County out at McMurray Ranch (now owned by the Gallo's). No, I was not the glad winner of some great silent auction item, which by the way we were really irritated to find out the event now allows online advance bids, which means that some corporation or otherwise rich person got online and bid $400 for an item that was supposed to start at $50, thus making bidding completely useless. 90% of the items in the silent auction had only one bid. Where's the fun in THAT? WTF?

But I digress. Apparently in my semi-buzzed state I entered my information at the Buick booth and they picked my name as the winner for a Tiger Woods golf bag. Now, I'm not even sure what that is, and so when the lady called me from Buick a week later, I was simply disappointed to learn that I wasted some win karma on something I DIDN'T EVEN WANT IN THE FIRST PLACE.

However, a few days later, I was out to dinner and ran into an acquaintance of ours who we had seen at the event and when I said I won some random thing from Buick she said she had been hoping to win it to give to her boyfriend. Then she offered to buy it from me. We agreed I would happily take wine in trade (since her family is the Balletto's, whose wines I enjoy quite a bit, and quite often, I might add), so in the end, I was all happy about my win, and she was, too.

The thing came today in the mail, so I hauled the box in the house and it's now waiting for L to come and take it away and leave a bottle or two of lovely pinot noir or zinfandel in its place.

Ah, so things have a way of working themselves out, I suppose.

Shopping...

2008-09-22T17:00:00.001-07:00

I want this.... Went shopping in Marin yesterday and looked for it, or something as cute and adorable, and was unable to find it.

I doubt I will last the week without ordering it. Once I get on a bag obsession, it's impossible to shake until I just buy the damn thing already. There is also one I like that is Zebra print at Piperlime, but this one is better. I love, love, love Orla Kiely....

Ho...

2008-09-11T14:07:00.000-07:00

It may mean I am a gardening nerd, but I find this bumper sticker hilarious.

Laugh....

2008-09-05T10:27:00.000-07:00

McCain LIKEY... this makes me laugh every time I watch it.

Bitter...

2008-09-02T00:13:00.001-07:00

So, someone said that my posts lately have been very bitter.... and although they did not leave their name, they are right.

Is an explosion imminent? Maybe. I'm actually not sure yet. Tonight I was told to "get the f*** out", so maybe.

It's funny... as long as I am the good wife, things go along nicely and everything is hunky dory. It's always been that way. But every time finals rolled around, or the bar exam, or my husband rode me to get a job, and then I got one, then the you-know-what hits the fan. So, basically, although no one can really explain what happens in a relationship so it makes sense to someone else... my husband seems to want both the happy stay-at-home mommy who bakes cookies and has a gourmet dinner ready when he walks in the door, and he also expects a wife who makes money and has interesting stuff to say about her job at the end of the day. The problem is, it is impossible for the average human to do all of that, so I am constantly trying to please, yet unable to, and then frustrated because I can't maintain that level of energy and output.

I've actually worked anywhere from 30 to 40+ hours per week for the last three years, while doing law school and studying for the bar, yet my husband still thinks of me as a stay-at-home mom. So, he has often come home and berated me for not getting something in the house done, saying "well, you were here all day..." A lot of times, that flat out was not true- I was at work all day, or I was working from home all day on an appellate brief or other contract work, yet his unflagging belief is that I am here, doing what needs to be done all day, every day, and that is my role.

I'm just not sure what to do about that. It's been three years..... and not. one. thing. has changed. At a certain point, you just can't expect someone to be the partner you thought they'd be.

Maybe he reads my blog. I doubt it. I really, really am sad to report that my husband is worried about himself. I'm not saying that to be mean, it's just a fact. He really does not care about how other people feel, for the vast majority of situations, so I just doubt that anything I write here, which by the way, I have said to him (as my policy is to never say anything about someone that I wouldn't say to their face) would make on iota of difference to him, even if I thought he was reading it.

So, yes, I have been somewhat bitter lately. And maybe I will become one of THOSE women. Whatever. I can't let fear over what anonymous people think make life altering decisions for me. I think the reason why there are so many of THOSE women, is because, no matter what the change that happens in your life, you finally have to learn when to fold a shitty hand. If getting through law school and being done with that level of constant stress gets you to the point where you just don't want to put up with any more stress and unrealistic expectations, then maybe that's a commentary on the men that can't handle a woman who has achieved an advanced degree and now makes more money, or even some money, and feels the need to be even more controlling in an effort to keep her in her place, rather than some kind of flaw in the woman herself.

And I own my mistakes. I know that I have partially created this monster, who is now used to certain things. But, at the same time, you reach a point where you look at a person, and you suddenly don't see a person who you love and loves you. You see someone who will go to any lengths to get what they want from you, when they want it, no matter what the toll on you. And that's a shocking turn of events, internally.

So, if you are upset about my bitter posts, I guess I could apologize, but I'm not sure what for. And I don't know that I would mean it. This blog has been very therapeutic for me, in a time of real turmoil and uncertainty, so I believe I will continue to be as honest as I have been. I will, however, try to title posts to alert readers to any bitter rants, and you may avoid as needed, if you feel it is depressing or not what you wish to read at that time. And that's about the best I can manage right now. I am at the end of my emotional rope right now, so I'm just not capable of any more.

And that's all I have to say about that.

Ashamed...

2008-08-29T14:29:00.000-07:00

OK, now as ashamed as I am to admit this, I have resorted to watching The Girls Next Door on On Demand. It started because there was just nothing saved on the DVR and I needed something entertaining but mindless with my morning coffee, and I had already watched all the episodes of Tori & Dean (another embarrassing watch that I laugh at and ridicule every time I see it- "My baby is so beautiful. Sniff." You fake-cryin' fame slut!- but that's a separate post.)

Anyway, it is like the scene of an accident. I just could not stop staring in disbelief. I think these three girls might have two brain cells if they pool their resources, and they live with an 80 year old man, for crying out loud. I knew about the Heff before, maybe just in passing hearing about the Playboy mansion and all, but wow.

It's just so... wrong... and fascinating.

Not sure why, but I have now watched everything on On Demand (like an hour's worth- that's an hour of my life I will never get back) and I'm still marveling at the fact that someone, somewhere thought, "This will make an excellent TV show."

I can't wait for new shows to come back next week. And yes, I will be watching the new 90210, so I can lament on how bad it is, and how Gossip Girl is just going downhill with season 2 (it's 2, right? the strike really threw me off.) And how One Tree Hill has jumped the shark and all... TV is just so boring these days.... I need some Top Chef or something...

Wreck...

2008-08-28T15:59:00.000-07:00

Had to attend an IME with a client today...

Now I'm a train wreck of frayed nerves. Doctor yelled at me during several of the 57 or so times I objected to his questions. Told client to strip, and client started to do so, right in front of me/us.

Hold the phone! Don't need to be seeing your skivvies.... Perhaps we could step out for a minute and give my client time to change... And he refused. What kind of doctor will not give you a chance to change? He pulled the man card, too.

"Well, maybe you'd be more comfortable stepping out since you're a woman. We're both men, so I don't need to give him privacy." I stared him down and he said, "well, if it will make you more comfortable..."

Why, yes, yes that would make me more comfortable, since I'm not about to leave you alone with my client.

Asshat.

But, it made me so nervous, which I didn't notice at the time, that after we got back to the office and the client left on his bike (he's an old homeless guy, for crying out loud- why you be pickin' on him?) my nerves were just shot. I realized how much I like my office, with it's insulating walls and no one there in person being confrontational. In writing or on the phone is one thing. Face to face, when my client is stripping his clothes off? Different story.

UG...

2008-08-27T09:12:00.000-07:00

Uh oh, I think Uptight Girl may have come to work today.

She only shows about once a week. The other days the girl is normal and nice and easy to deal with.

But I'm starting to see the signs that Uptight Girl is rearing her snippy head...

Pokes her head in my office. "Do you know the right way to cite to the Evidence Code?"

"Um, did you check the CA style manual?"

"Well, I used bluebook in law school." (read, snotty delivery)

"Oh, is it federal? I always use the style manual for California stuff. I think you abbreviate Evidence "Ev.""

"Well, I need it to be right. I just thought you might know the right way to do it. I need it to be right. It's for a demurrer."

Yeah, I usually like things to be wrong. It's just in my nature. I find that it's more fun to have to re-do things, so I like to live on the wild side and continually F things up. And my bosses have always really appreciated that.

Hey, why not just look it up instead of expecting me to be your personal style manual? That's all I'm saying....

Co-inkydink....

2008-08-26T02:36:00.000-07:00

So the STORY this time (and I use that word liberally) was that he needed a ride to the junior college to pick up his truck. Supposedly, he finished class, went to go eat with his girlfriend, and his mom called and said someone ransacked her house. So, they drove down to his mom's house and the girlfriend just had to stay with the mom, so had no one to drive him to his truck, which would supposedly get towed from the junior college if left overnight.

My question is, why are people randomly ransacking his mother's house... where he used to live... and where he just can't live anymore... could it be because he got in trouble owing some peeps some money, or owes them something else, and they were trying to get it back?

Sounds like an episode of friggin' Law & Order, with the ransacked house by peeps looking for their missing drugs and shit.

Let's see...
Random alternating normal and then crazy, rude behavior? Yup.

Barely, and I DO mean barely, graduated from continuation high school... (had to go to night school all through the spring to get enough units to graduate at the last minute)

Pissed away $800 hubby insisted on giving him to buy a laptop for planned military stint...

Found out pissed away said laptop money because hubby's dad informed us he 'borrowed' $4,000 from good old grandpa to buy a beater truck and aforementioned laptop...

Has never been able to hold a job for more than four weeks...

Smelled weird stuff coming from the room when he was here up all night and sleeping all day as a senior in high school... (and I'm not talking weed because I know what THAT smells like. Geez. I'm not THAT old and ignorant)

Didn't make it in the military because of HEADACHES. Riiiiight. (never saw any discharge papers, so not sure I believe they gave him a medical discharge for something he never had before and has not had since and YOU CAN TAKE ASPIRIN FOR, for crying out loud.)

Didn't make it in the other state he moved to for a whole month, because his roommate wanted to sssshhhh (do drugs) and he just wasn't down with THAT.

All of a sudden couldn't live at his mom's anymore....
Showing up at the house demanding money at 1:00 in the morning...
Now the house he can't be at has been ransacked.

Co-inkydink?
I THINK NOT.

Annoyed...

2008-08-26T00:34:00.000-07:00

Know why I'm up right now?

Because, for the second time in the last couple of months, I have been awakened at midnight or later by my 19 year old stepson.

A month or so ago it was him demanding money for gas.

At one o'clock in the morning.

No joke.

This time, I answer the phone half asleep and have him yelling in my ear, "I need to talk to my dad."

"Um, do you know what time it is?" I really didn't know what time it was, I was actually really wanting to know.

"Yes, I know what time it is, and I wouldn't be calling if it wasn't important!"

Excuse me, but I think if I was calling people in the middle of the night to ask for something, I might actually be somewhat polite about it. You know, start with, 'sorry I'm calling so late' or something along those lines... I'm just saying.

So I say to the hubby, "Hey why are people calling you in the middle of the night?"

"No people call me in the middle of the night!"

"Uh, yeah, people are calling (buddy)"

So, he gets on the phone and there is some exchange which I imagine was some lame story like last time, when it was that he didn't know what the emergency was, but he needed gas to get out to his girlfriend's house. Keep in mind that he drove about 30 miles to our house to demand gas money to get to the girlfriend's house, which he could have gotten to in probably 26 miles, but whatever...

So, a minute later, hubby gets off phone. So....?

He wanted a ride down to the JC campus to pick up his truck, because he was driving his girlfriend's car right now. Um, let's see, most of the lots at the JC close at night and there are security guards and he won't get a ticket with his parking pass, so what makes this an emergency of midnight proportions? No one is in jail, no one is in the hospital, so I think that qualifies as a reason NOT to be calling here at midnight. I'm just saying.

Then hubby gets all righteous, "Well, you do things for your kids when you're a parent."

Uh, huh, and sometimes the doing something for your kids is actually saying no, I will not do that because you didn't bother to plan ahead and you need to plan ahead. I don't think I need to get up at this time of night and make this failure to plan my emergency.

I'm. Just. Sayin'.

Rude...

2008-08-25T22:11:00.000-07:00

I never experienced so much rude before, but there are a LOT of people who call my office and are rude.

The clients are mostly okay so far. They seem to genuinely be looking for some help and want to help themselves. I'm sure I'll get a few that are trying. (Doing insurance defense, the ones with the small policies tended to ignore any calls from counsel's office, so I had a few that just did not return calls, which got me a little stressed when discovery deadlines loomed.)

But, man, I did not know how rude adjusters could be. They were always nice enough when they called the office when we were on their side, but they seem like they would gladly squish me like a wayward ant if given the opportunity now.

Plus, I think it's hilarious how attorneys' secretaries will get snotty and rude with me.

This was today's conversation:

Me: Hi, I was just calling to follow up on those possible deposition dates we discussed last week.
Mean Secretary Lady: Well, I was waiting for you to notice them.
Me: Oh, well, actually you mentioned that you wanted to check with your clients to see if they could be available those dates.
Mean Secretary Lady: Oh, that's right. Well, I don't know, but I will check with my attorney. (even though she knows his schedule, it's the clients she needs to check with.)
Me: Okay, now you know we are planning on doing these deposition in [city in between our cities]. (Our last discussion she insisted that it had been agreed we would have the depos at their office three hours away and acted shocked when I mentioned a city in between.)
Mean Secretary Lady: Well, my attorney says they have to be at our office.
Me: I see. Well, my attorney was specific about saying I should schedule them in [city in between].
Mean Secretary Lady: Well, they are our clients.
Me: Well, I believe the statute is pretty clear that we can compel your clients to travel up to 90 miles.
Mean Secretary Lady: Oh. Well, I'll ask my attorney but he's not going to like this.

Like I give a tiny rat's ass if your attorney expects you to able to bully me into having a depo three hours away from here when I know that not only does my boss NOT want to drive in city traffic for three hours, but I don't even have to have this conversation with you. I could just notice the depo and not even give you the courtesy of asking and make your precious clients drive 89.9 miles (just for kicks) to boot.

Needless to say, the attorney called me a little while later and was much nicer about asking if we could help him out, which made me feel more like helping him by choosing a location a little closer to them.

Sheesh.

And I've noticed that being super calm and ultra-polite with people who are snotty really, really irritates them, so if course that's what I do.

Mooning...

2008-08-22T09:01:00.000-07:00

I haven't gotten the hang of how to put a video on here, so I'm just putting the link...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JTNlYhVF-E0

Unbelievable to me. What happened to CEDA debate? I did it in college and coached for several years... no one was screaming (well, they might have been screaming, but not obcenities) and no one was mooning and no one was crying (except in the privacy of the van on the way home if they lost).

This just makes me sad.

Sad...

2008-08-22T00:23:00.001-07:00

Reminds me of the bar exam.... All that work for years and it all goes wrong in a small period of time...

When it's Not a Happy Ending

UG...

2008-08-20T14:14:00.000-07:00

Okay... shopping for jobs may still be my hobby because Uptight Girl is such a bitch.
Remember the case she dumped on me because the attorney said something to me about it? Well, I get back from lunch to a barrage of words from Uptight Girl.

We served a trial subpoena w/ docs on the county inspector for that case. Some lady called while I was at lunch and asked which documents we wanted. So instead of sending her to my voicemail or taking a message, Uptight Girl decides to check into it and draft a letter to the county lady. So, instead of saying, hey, some lady called and I asked Josh and took care of it, she starts telling me this long drawn out story about how this woman called, etc. So, I said three words, and she cuts me off with, "well, I'm about to tell you what's going on."

Excuse the fuck out of me. It sounds like you're asking me a question. Fucking bitch.

Then she says that she had to fix the case management statement that went out today because it was "sooo bad." Turns out her idea of "soo bad" was that I didn't put the same b.s. verbiage that she likes to use. Okay, no problem. You could just say, this is what we usually do. Not the same as I've been taught, but whatever.

She also goes on and on and on about how nobody knows how to do a proper verification, because they do pleading oaths and that's not a good verification. I will be damned if I can find anywhere where a verification on discovery needs to be anything specific. Even pleadings in California are not required to be sworn on information and belief. Seems to me the verifications that say information and belief in addition to under penalty of perjury are perfectly fine. Not that that has anything to do with this event, but it annoys me that she's so misinformed and is so righteous about it.

Then she says that she checks this one box on the CMC statement and then fills in the reason. I pointed out that it didn't make sense to check the box and also fill in the reason why you didn't do that, since it clearly indicated you should check if you did it and then not check and explain why you didn't. She says, "well, same thing." Um, you're the one complaining about small verbiage points. What you typically do here makes no sense whatsoever. But, of course, when I point that out, it's not important. When she wants to point something out, it's super important. Uh huh, I get it.

Then she says, to my face, that she now wants to call the lady who's now gone and tell her what just happened and how this stuff has been screwed up. Um, fuck you?
Yup. Fuck you.

School...

2008-08-13T20:34:00.000-07:00

I teared up as they marched off to class this morning...

My babies are no longer babies.... babyhood is all over with the arrival of the first day of kindergarten for my last baby, and second grade for my first baby...

Sniff.

UG....

2008-08-13T20:01:00.000-07:00

I have dubbed the other paralegal girl Uptight Girl (UG) (although she HATES the term 'paralegal' and insists that she be called a 'law clerk', so it is particularly fun for me to now refer to her as a paralegal because I'm just passive aggressive that way).

Uptight Girl tells others in the office what their job is and what they should be doing at least ten or twenty times a day.

This morning, we were supposed to have a status meeting. This entails going through each case and making sure everyone knows what they are to do for their assigned cases. Basically there are two attorneys and two paralegals (ha!) and a collection of cases. The attorneys are assigned cases separately or together based on how they've decided to share costs and fees, and the paralegals (Ha, ha!) are assigned cases in turn so we each have an equal number of cases that we are handling at any given time.

So, I am inheriting some 19 cases. Uptight Girl has 18. She told me the other day that she would take the next case that came in in order to maintain parity. Okay, no problem.

After bitching for 10-15 minutes bitterly at how her time was being wasted and how ridiculous this all was, the attorney (the other one is on vacation) finished the phone call he was on and came to the meeting. Let me just say, I was distinctly uncomfortable siting there in the conference room, listening to such negativity for that length of time. It didn't even occur to me to be mad that I had to wait. I was getting paid to wait. What did it matter to me? It was a hell of a lot better than NOT getting paid to sit on my ass at home. (I'm just saying.)

Anyway, that episode made me kind of uncomfortable, but then, it got worse this afternoon. The attorney comes back from an appearance and came into my new office where I was talking about the calendar with the lady who's leaving. He starts telling her about a trial date that is coming up and saying he wants certain people subpoenaed with docs for trial. No problem. Calendaring is my job. Also, if the attorney tells me to do something, I do it, no matter what anyone else says.

But Uptight Girl did NOT like it. After he leaves my new office, she pokes her head in and says, "Well, since Mr. Attorney talked to you about that and that was my case, that's YOUR case now, since you apparently know all about it. You need to do everything on that case from now on."

Okay. Whatever. Ya FREAK! First of all, you AREN'T MY FUCKING BOSS, YOU ARE A PARALEGAL, (ha, ha, ha!) whether you think calling yourself a law clerk makes some kind of difference or not. Secondly, what's the BFD? The attorney just doesn't care who does stuff. He just wants the job done. Petty stuff just doesn't matter to him.

So, it kind of annoyed me, and it kind of just amused me at the same time. It annoyed me because her negative energy is taxing, and I just find myself feeling uncomfortable and stressed out when I'm around that kind of attitude. It amused me because I wasn't sure what she hoped to gain by dumping stuff on me. If she thinks I'm going to care, she's wrong, because I just like to be busy, and I want to learn what needs to be done, do a good job, and eventually be competent to run my own practice. She's not hurting me by being petulant about it.

I told my friend N about it, and she made some vague reference to dogs peeing around their territory. Yup, sounds about right to me, although I don't know much about dogs- we finally got one in October, and I never had one growing up, so the territory protection is completely foreign to me, especially when the dog is a paralegal (ha, ha, ha, ha!).

Reception...

2008-08-12T15:30:00.000-07:00

The reception girl was out yesterday, so I got the pleasure of answering the phone and (wo)maning the front desk....

Phone call #1:

Me: Law Offices.
Caller: Hi, I need a lawyer because I bought hay for my horse and it was poisoned. My horse died and I'd like to sue.
Me: Um, let me see if Mr. Attorney can talk to you for a minute.

Exactly ninety seconds later....

Me: Law Offices.
Caller: Hi, I need a lawyer because I have a perverted retarded guy standing outside my house yelling obscenities (I won't list said obscenities because they are particularly vile) and "f***ing Lezzzzz-bian!" at my house all day. I want to sue.... somebody. Is there anyone I can sue for that?

Wow, this is already waaaaay more interesting than defense work.....

Really?

2008-08-11T21:31:00.001-07:00

If you don't yet realize why I am aghast, look hard at what this tank top (spotted outside a Walmart, no less) was fashioned from.

I sooooo hope she remembered to cut out her baby daddy's skid marks.

Ew.

Weekend...

2008-08-10T11:01:00.000-07:00

Went wine tasting with a couple of friends yesterday...

J is a fabulous place... they have the tasting set up at stations, so you progress through the winery for each part of the tasting flight. They also do a wine and food tasting with pairings, but we opted not to do that, since I had packed a picnic for us to have at a later stop. Their cuvee 20 is so delicious. Yum, yum. Oh, and they are also doing a single vineyard zinfandel that is really jammy with blueberry and dark berry... so yummy.

We also went and had a nice picnic at Robert Young. Sat by the fountain out on the patio and ate snackies... relaxing and good company. What a great Saturday.

From there, we visited Seghesio in downtown Healdsburg. It's about a block from the main square. The lady there was miffed when we were not interested in pinot grigio... I don't understand that. People come in tasting, and it's pretty common for us to go tasting and decide ahead of time we are looking to try new pinot noirs or zinfandels or some specific varietal, so I don't see why it would be an affront to the tasting room staff if I don't want to try everything they're pouring that day. She was appeased when we praised the zins, though, and bought their top end item, called Omaggio, which is a red blend. Lots of tannins and nicely full bodied. I'm thinking burgers would be a great accompaniment.

L had us over to her new apartment for dinner and poker. She got bored a few weeks ago and decided to talk her apartment complex into a bigger place, so we helped her move last weekend. the new place is much better. Plenty of room, nice and quiet, and we got a nice dinner prepared for us, to boot.

She got mad when I cleaned out her chips a couple of times, though. What's ironic is that i ended the evening about $3 up- not exactly a big windfall. But the husband made nearly $20- which means he took her money- yet she was bitter about how I was taking all her money. I'm tellin' ya, you just can't win. I DIDN'T win and I was in trouble as though I did. Hoping she'll get over it quick.

Things like this happen all the time with my husband. He is often mean to people, openly and to their face, and they still like him. It's like they gloss over it and don't notice- "Oh, he's a great guy!" I make a conscious effort to be kind and generous to people, and people get pissed at me. WTF?!

Unbelievable to me.

Tonight we're having some friends over to dinner. Think I'll make risotto... yum!

Love...

2008-08-05T20:44:00.000-07:00

Love the new job, love the new peeps there, love the new work, even though right now I'm drowning in the endless discovery of the case that is on emergency status right now.

Do not love the food all over the place. There was bagels and croissants in the morning, pizza at noon, and cake for someone's birthday this afternoon. I had to roll my ginormous ass out of there at 5:00, I'm tellin' ya.

Bullet...

2008-07-30T08:30:00.000-07:00

Whew, I feel like I really dodged the bullet, since I completely SUCK at contracts/remedies questions (I never get how much time to spend on each of those distinct sections and end up missing the stuff I was s'posed to get.) and con law. Really bad at con law, as in, 50% of the questions I literally look at the question and think WTF? Then I have absolutely no idea what to write on the answer.

I hated that contracts/remedies question last July, too.

Really hopin' February is more like last February. That was a pretty okay test.

Oh, and my new guilty pleasure is Tori & Dean's reality show. It's like the scene of an accident: I just can't NOT look at it. And her husband reminds me of Slade from Real Housewives of Orange County. He's the type of guy I look at and and wonder how on God's green earth THAT person ever managed to come into money. Same with Tori. She's so plastic and looks like a drag queen. People actually came to her book signing and were talking about how much they loved her. What? What rock did you crawl out from under, people?

I'm just sayin'.

No!...

2008-07-29T22:06:00.000-07:00

Con Law on the essays... horror story performance tests...

Dear God I am glad I am NOT there right now. Especially since Con Law is my friggin' most HATED subject.

I smell what you're steppin' in... that's all I can say about that mess.

And... I hope you're wrong about your scores.

Relief...

2008-07-29T17:11:00.000-07:00

Got the offer.

Start Monday.

And everything is as it should be. I knew I screwed up registering for the July bar for some cosmic reason. I would have missed out on the perfect timing of this opportunity if I was stressed out and on my way to the bar the last few days....

Hope everyone there had a nice, cakewalk morning of essays and a performance test NOTHING like the horror that was the first PT in February. I really felt that I would not pass after that b.s. on Tuesday. And turns out, I was right. Both bar exams, the first afternoon PT has just screwed me over. Stoooopid 55.

But I'm not bitter or anything.

Waiting...

2008-07-29T11:00:00.000-07:00

Interviewed for job. Want job. Job people liked me. The whole thing hinges on whether the lady who is thinking of leaving makes the final decision to leave.

Argh! I'm dyin' over here!

It's so hard to find a position at a firm that does work you like, with attorneys you like, in a good location, family friendly, it's got all the markings of a place I would be happy at for a very long time. The lady who is "leaving" has been there a long time and was going somewhere else for a change of pace, as in a different area of law. But, she asked them if she could have an extra few days to maybe change her mind about leaving.

I interviewed there four months ago and they offered me a position, which I regretfully turned down. It was full time, I felt loyalty to my boss, I was exhausted after the February bar exam, all those kinds of things- basically it was just bad timing right then... But, I kept in touch with them and last week, I happened to send the attorney an e-mail mentioning I was job hunting.

So, really the interview was perfunctory. They said the only issue was they needed to discuss was money, and become certain the position was going to materialize.

So, now I'm waiting. I may have no nails left by the time I hear.

Please leave, please leave, please leave, please leave, please leave, please leave, please leave.....

please.....

LEAVE........

List...

2008-07-29T03:10:00.000-07:00

And why, you may ask, am I up at 3:10 a.m.? Not only was I brewing up a nice migraine so I couldn't sleep, I went to a job interview today. As I always arrive to job interviews half an hour early, I grabbed a book to entertain myself while waiting in the parking lot. Then after dinner, I picked it back up and read from page 21 to the end.

It's the best thing I've read in a long time. It's called The Next Thing On My List, by Jill Smolinski. The basic premise is this: girl is driving an acquaintance home and the acquaintance is killed in the car accident they experience. Survivor girl discovers (and keeps) the list of 20 things the dead girl wanted to do before her 25th birthday, and after six months of slothlike reality-TV-watching guilt, she is compelled to finish the list for the dead girl. The snowball of life changes for her are easy to spot coming, but so enjoyable and heart-warming that I literally read to the end without stopping. Thus 3:00 a.m.

The book has experienced a following, and Wendy Finerman (think The Devil Wears Prada) has bought the film rights. I sooooo can't wait for that movie. Hope they get someone good to play the lead, though. Not that annoying chick from Grey's Anatomy- she's completely overexposed. And not some ridiculously skinny chick, either, since they meet initially at a Weight Watcher's meeting... maybe Anne Hathaway... Kate Winslet... wow, the choices of normal sized women in Hollywood is pretty short, huh?

But I digress. You must read this book, especially now that bar hell is done. No excuses. I'm now working on my list... this is the rough draft.

Things to do before I turn 35 (next May 27)

#1. pass stupid bar exam
#2. have garage sale
#3. learn to cook fabulous ribs
#4. lose 30 pounds
#5. compete in a cooking contest
#6. learn to play guitar
#7. get a great haircut
#8. change someone's life
#9. bake bread from scratch
#10. master every sauce in James Peterson's Sauces

By 40:

#1. become a certified master gardener
#2. visit Italy
#3. write a book
#4. create a piece of art
#5. win a cooking contest
#6. celebrate my 10 year wedding anniversary
#7. celebrate my daughter's 10th birthday
#8. own a pair of shoes that cost more than $100
#9. buy a new house
#10. have at least one employee

Yeah, some of those are a stretch, but I figure you gotta reach or you'll never try.

Speaking of which, hope ya'll are reaching for the brass ring this week. Hope my list will inspire you to create your own, which you can get started on Friday... after the hangover wears off.

Laugh...

2008-07-28T20:27:00.000-07:00

If you need a laugh, click here.

Tomorrow...

2008-07-28T20:14:00.001-07:00

So, in case anyone is surfing the net in an effort to avoid thinking about 9:00 a.m. tomorrow, I just want to wish you good luck. You can totally do this. You know enough to do this. Just try to stay calm and remember all the things you know, and you won't have to do this again.

I will be thinking of you all and crossing my fingers for the repeaters I know going through this ridiculous process again. I'm sending all my best thoughts and luck your way!

Go get 'em, and post what the questions were, for my reading pleasure... I'll try not to have too much fun this week out of deference to you all.

Mooovies...

2008-07-26T11:08:00.000-07:00

Going to see Dark Knight today... no kids, no one eating my popcorn, good times!

Wow...

2008-07-25T17:28:00.001-07:00

A friend of mine is having a serious issue with her significant other. Serious as in, "You have 30 days to get treatment for your addictions or get out of the house," serious.

Wow. She came over and I was baking cookies and scolding the kids for not being kind to each other and getting ready to go to the pool for the afternoon.

THAT got me out of my funk, 'cause my spouse is normal, works a good job, speaks nicely to me, loves our kids, cuts the grass on the weekends- the whole nine yards. And is not doing any weird stuff that is addictive.

She started telling me the whole story, and I just thought, man you have bad luck with men.

Which got me started thinking... I know several women who are intelligent, successful in their professional lives, fun to be around, and yet they consistently end up with men that have some kind of major, and I do mean major, flaw. Addicts, men who are such complete jerks that their social life becomes the man because their friends can't stand the guy, non-ambitious types who never seem to get it together... I don't know where they keep finding these men, because I also meet so many intelligent, successful men who are kind and interesting...

Baffling to me...

Funk...

2008-07-22T13:39:00.000-07:00

I realized my funk was the beginning of a nasty cold.

Head foggy, nose stuffy... I hate being sick in the summertime.

Tip...

2008-07-21T10:23:00.000-07:00

For those studying right now, I came across a tip that I will be using in January. This is similar to what I did on the Cheat Sheets for February, resulting in knowing my approaches cold on test day. (If that method only helped me on the damn PT!)

Here is the link to Measuring Life's mini outline strategy...

Blue...

2008-07-21T10:00:00.000-07:00

Still felt blah yesterday morning, so I went out and pulled weeds and worked in the garden and felt marginally better.

Thought about my situation. Realized that it's not the failing that bothers me as much as the explaining. Therefore, I hate going anywhere where I will see acquaintances who knew I was in law school.

Had to go to a baby shower for my husband's cousin on Saturday. I barely know his ginormous family, so I had to explain to all of them. Not only are baby showers exhausting, being forced to sit there with a bunch of people you don't know and make small talk, but I had to talk about how I am not a practicing lawyer, too.

I feel blue.

Humiliation...

2008-07-18T22:52:00.000-07:00

So, yesterday I was looking around online and saw an excellent part-time legal position that, let's face it, I am overqualified for. But (again, let's face it) without the magic card, I'm overqualified for anything that doesn't require the card.

The catch? The online application required three letters of reference, and the application period closed today at 4:30. Yikes. So, I went to people I know well enough that I felt they would be willing to bang something out in a jiffy, and got the application submitted with five minutes to spare this afternoon.

One of the people I asked is my former moot court coach, whom I have had as a teacher, a coach, TA'd for, and been a research assistant for. He willingly wrote me a nice letter, of course, but, as I feared, I later got an e-mail asking when I was taking the bar again and what my plans were.

This was a dread producing e-mail for several reasons: 1) he only wants the best for me, 2) has always believed in me and encouraged me, 3) he completely expects that I will be an exellent lawyer, and 4) now I had to explain myself to him.

Just writing the reply, explaining that I missed by such a small margin, I'm planning on doing it again, but not until February, and that I was actually on the verge of a major emotional breakdown before this reprieve brought me to tears.

Now, I'm not the type to spend time crying over something like this. I mean, really- it sucks, sure, but what are you going to do: Cry about it or do something about it? So, crying every day is just not my style.

But having to explain to people who actually believe in me about how I wasn't able to live up to their expectations and hopes for me made me sad. And humiliated. Again.

Yeah.

Bossman...

2008-07-16T11:58:00.000-07:00

I am doing part-time work for an attorney right now. Basically, he hired me with the old bait and switch. I thought I was going to be doing some light marketing stuff, but it turns out, I am completely revamping his website. This is fine, and I have learned all about how to do a website, edit one, and make it conform to the marketing objectives of the firm, but it has been difficult for two reasons:

1) he has some of the technology in place, but it would actually be easier to start a website from scratch than figure out how to work with what he has going, so I have spent a lot of time figuring out the lay of the land, so to speak, in order to accomplish what he wants done, and

2) he is easily over excited. By this I mean he will call constantly to see when something will be done, or forget that I said in my e-mail I would be unavailable at a certain time and start calling me as soon as I am unavailable and leave urgent messages until I get back to him.

So, note to self. When a prospective boss (as with a prospective client) mentions people who have stopped working for him with no notice and without bothering to get paid that is a red flag. Also, when your initial meeting with the boss is at a Starbucks that they specify and you call them from the Starbucks at half an hour past the meeting time and they ask why you are not at their home office (for which you do not have the address), then that might be a red flag, too.

I'm just sayin'.

INXS...

2008-07-14T23:27:00.000-07:00

I am watching One Tree Hill while doing my web changes for the attorney I am working for right now, and INXS is playing on the soundtrack.

Okay, I heard it, and yes, I watch One Tree Hill, and I make no apologies. I fully realize I am 1) too old because I am above the age of 13, 2) too unhip, because I always wonder why the girls are dressed like sluts, and 3) apparently also a friggin' dinosaur, since the "retro" music on this episode makes me wax nostalgic about freshman year of high school, for god's sake.

But still... the people are so pretty and "Never Tear Us Apart" is a good song.... I may need to get on itunes and download me some INXS, Black Crowes, Bobbie Brown, Salt n' Peppa, Restless Heart, old and therefore actually good Garth Brooks, Damn Yankees, Heart, Police, Sting, Van Halen, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Mr. Big, Paula Abdul, Mariah Carey, Janet Jackson and other assorted sundries that defined my high school years. Wow, that list is, for the most part, a whole load of crap music that I used to listen to.

I already did it for my college years. Made myself a playlist entitled "1998: Good Times".

Wow, I am old. On second thought, maybe I'll just update the website like I was s'posed to in the first place...

Babies...

2008-07-14T20:38:00.000-07:00

My kids are no longer babies....

Of course, they try to act like babies on occasion, but I realized tonight at dinner, when both of them had a hamburger, on a bun, that they had fixed themselves, including tomato and pickle and avacado and bacon condiments.... and they ate them like real people.

Yup, kids, not babies.

Not sure if I'm sad or happy about that. Probably a little of both.

Wine...

2008-07-13T09:28:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was fun...

We were invited by my friend L, to a wine club event at La Crema Winery. I didn't really know what it was, so I was impressed when we got there and were greeted with a reception including wine and delicious hor doerves featuring local cheeses and other ingredients. Then, we moved further into the barrel room and sat down to a family style luncheon amongst the chardonnay barrels. The arugula salad with peaches and sliced almonds was fantastic. There was also sliced duck breast that was accompanied with roasted fingerling potatoes. Yum, yum.

I was also finally able to try the Nine Barrel La Crema wines. The concept behind the Nine Barrel is that the wine maker goes through all the barrels as they are aging and samples to determine the best of the best and the best nine get marked up with chalk, not to be used under threat of death. Those special barrels are used to make this reserve offering. I must say, the pinot AND the chardonnay were both delicious. The pinot was a soft, mellow, nicely complex version of the regular La Crema Pinot Noir. My only criticism would be the price. At $75 a bottle, I didn't prefer it over the regular $25 Law Crema to warrant buying the Nine Barrel over the regular one.

The Chardonnay was a classic Kendall Jackson style (at least to my palate). One whiff and the butter jumped out at you. Pretty sure they used malolactic fermentation (which I clearly can't spell, but means they do a second bacterial fermentation in the barrel that produces that buttery richness you get in many chardonnays). It was nicely balanced with some good acidity and lush fruits: think lemon, peach, melon, and of course, butter.

Then we went to Joseph Swan to taste. I wasn't super impressed. Let me preface this review with my personal preferences. I don't enjoy dessert wines and I don't drink syrah or petite syrah. Since their offering included a syrah, which I didn't drink, and a couple of white wines that I didn't try, I was basing my evaluation on a few reds. The pinot noirs were okay. Not so great I wanted to drink more, but decent. Then there were two zinfandels. The first was a 1998, that was surprisingly serviceable, but I wasn't blown away for the price. The second was a newer zin, and when the tasting room person warned me it has some residual sugar, I should have been warned off. It was like a mouthful of blueberry syrup. Bleck.

Then we went to Gary Farrell and, after tasting, bought a few things: Hallberg Pinot Noir and Russian River Pinot Noir and Encounter. Finally, we ended our day at Arista. Arista has a small collection of wines, but they are consistently delicious. They make a dry gewurtztraminer that is absolutely fabulous, and I am not a white wine drinker generally. I actually had a bottle of that with a friend at lunch a couple of weeks ago and it was the perfect summer lunch accompaniment. They also had two 2006 Pinot Noirs that were light, fruity (lots of cherry, raspberry, and strawberry), slightly earthy, and just downright good. I was glad to see that their wines have become less cranberry heavy. That has been my only complaint of their wines in the past- heavy cranberry flavors that overpower the other elements in the wine.

The tasting room at Arista is also beautiful. We have actually taken friends there and picnicked on the grounds, under the oak trees, and had a lovely time. They have a carefully crafted garden of natural rocks and ponds, with a winding path that invites a slow walk with a taste of their delicious wines. And the tasting room staff is super nice. I just enjoy that place every single time I go there. I highly recommend them on all fronts.

Then later we had a couple of friends over and played a little poker, drinking some of our newly purchased Gary Farrell. I did not do well at the poker, though. Hubby took all my chips a few times.

So, I had a wonderful day full of relaxation with friends and delicious wine and fabulous food. Now I just have to figure out how to duplicate that dressing for the peach and arugula salad...

Plan...

2008-07-11T17:06:00.000-07:00

So, someone asked what my long term study plan is for February.

Well, I wish I could say I have a plan. The only plan I have right this second is NOT to plan my life around the bar right now.

I don't know what the "secret" to the bar exam is. There is no explanation for me not passing the bar. I did well in law school, clerked at good firms, am bright and a good writer, and I put in the time and effort. It could be a lot of things: financial worries during both times I was studying, childcare issues that provided a distraction, husband also taking exam and providing a distraction, not taking Barbri, not taking the whole summer (or winter) off to study, or (my personal belief) just plain exhaustion.

I went to night law school so I could be a SAHM. That means I did school at least three nights a week for four years, with about a week off during the entire year. I didn't have summers off to travel or just relax or work. Often, during the one week break between semesters (which, incidentally, I still had to do homework during, because, as you all know, there is an reading assignment for the first night of class) I would have plans that I was just too tired to follow through on. I distinctly remember being too tired to go see The Lion King with my family, even though I had bought the tickets months before, because I was exhausted from finals.

Similarly, I have not experienced vacations since law school began. We won a four day cruise to Mexico and went on that the week before finals late in law school, and we spent a weekend at Disneyland somewhere in there, but that is all. Ironically, I got the best midterm grades ever after that vacation. I think the fact that I actually relaxed and enjoyed myself a bit brought about that stellar exam performance.

I know that I arrived at bar study with a feeling of complete and utter exhaustion and dread. Like many things in law school, I did not want to do it, I did not care, and I just wanted to jump through that hoop and be done with it. However, when you are so tired from working and studying that you maintain a migraine level headache for five weeks, this is really, really not the time to be taking the test of your life.

But I didn't really get that. I thought, like many others things I had done before, I could push on through and still do what needed to be done.

I don't think that's true of the bar. It is a war of attrition, and when you enter the battle on a horse with a lame leg, and no sword and shield, you really can't expect to win the battle OR the war. But that is what I did.

So, now, the goal is to get away from that 'struggling not to drown' mentality. It's weird what happens when you know that you are no longer required to do something. You start to give yourself permission. Permission to think of other things, consider other possibilities. Does it matter if I never take the California Bar again? Nope. Will I take it again? Yup. Will I do better next time? Yup. If I don't pass, will I be unemployable? No way.

And that's okay. It's all.... Okay.

So that's the plan right now. And I honestly think it's the best thing I can do for myself at this time.

Decompression...

2008-07-10T11:13:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the non-posting lately. I have managed not to think about the bar for two whole weeks. It's fabulous.

Clean house, clean yard, clean kids, happy husband, happy kids.

My last day of work, Big J made me presents at daycare/school. One was a pearler bead "I love mommy" sign and the other was a watermelon-painted dish. She spent an hour in her room wrapping them carefully and the note that accompanied them said, "I love you mommy. You are the best mommy in the whole world. I am glad you are out of work."

Hee, hee.

Watching movies, gardening, reading books, entering cooking contests, lunch with friends, garage sale preparation, going to the gym, entertaining.... it's amazing how fun life is when you aren't thinking about the damn bar exam.

Got a gig doing marketing for a solo practitioner, and since I no longer pay for childcare, I more than doubled my net pay.

Aaaaahhhhh......

Ingrates...

2008-06-27T17:31:00.000-07:00

Okay, so when did my kids become the kind of whiny, bratty brats that demand stuff in stores and throw fits if they don't get the thing?

I spent three days this week cleaning- in only TWO ROOMS. Little J wanted a pink room, and big J wanted to paint her room. Big J already has a pink room. So, I said, thinking this would be easier (ha!), let's switch rooms and then I'll just paint one room.

If I had known the amount of cleaning and junk sorting that would entail, I would have waited until we eventually move out of this house and just drive through with a bulldozer. The stuff under the beds alone was phenomenal.

Then today we go to the post office/gift store and they want me to buy them a stuffed animal. Um, how much crap did I have to clean up? Nope, nope, and NO.

So, now Big J is whining and crying because she didn't get the stuffed animal. Sigh.

Some days I do not recommend to others that they have children. Keep your house nice, clean, quiet and NOT destroyed as long as possible, if you must have the little buggers.

Luckily, tomorrow Nana is coming to take them away while we go to Gary Farrell for wine and salmon and golf putting competition on the crush pad. Yum, yum, and Yummy!

Dirt...

2008-06-24T21:46:00.000-07:00

It's amazing how dirty your house is when you start to clean it and really start noticing how bad it has gotten...

It's like that hardware store commercial where the lady puts in a new light dimmer and then the bright light illuminates all the other projects that need to be done...

Yard... mess.
House... mess.
Kitchen... real mess, with ant invasion to boot.

Dealt with the ants today. Tomorrow it's moving on to the other rooms.

Even killing ants is better than studying for the bar. Isn't that sad?

Now?...

2008-06-20T08:37:00.001-07:00

First, thanks for the comments from everyone! Those were my thoughts exactly. It's nowhere near a tragedy- I've seen people who forgot to upload their essays before the deadline. I would call THAT a problem. Waiting a few months is not that big of a deal.

And, now that I've had time to adjust my mental state, I am simply relieved. I did not want to do this again right now. Now, I have a reason not to. Inadvertent as it was, the decision has been made for me.

This is actually how I have trended for the past year. I have studied for the bar twice, only to be slapped down by the point calculations. This has had a real effect on me, although it has crept up slowly over time.

During law school, I had no problem making decisions, no problem figuring out what I wanted to do, no problem going after what I wanted. Since then, I spend time while at work looking for other jobs as a hobby, but then when someone offers me one, I freak out and opt not to take it.

The slapping down part has really thrown me for a loop. I never did not succeed at something I decided to do, and not getting it has made me question and doubt every single decision, no matter how small or large. I don't know what kind of law I want to do, I don't know what kind of firm I might like to work for, I don't know what kind of schedule I'd be comfortable at, I just don't know anything anymore.

And my indecision has made it so every single thing that I am able to put off, I do. I don't go out in my garden at all, because I walk out there and it just seems like so much work, that to even get started makes me almost start to cry. So I go back in the house. I look at my bills to pay, and I don't know which stuff I should focus on or pay first, so I put it all off until the very last minute, until I absolutely have to pay it or I will get late fees. I look around at my house and think about all the things I'd like to do, such as paint or put up a light fixture or clean out the garage for a yard sale, and it's just... too... much.

So, it is really no surprise that I put off registering... and put it off... until the decision was made for me.

And now I can actually get a tan this summer. I can clean up the weeds taking over my yard. I can run through the sprinklers with my kids. I can sit on the patio in the backyard with a glass of wine and a book that is NOT a law book. I can finally do the tasks around the house I have been meaning to do for five years. I can go to the gym without it being "study time" while listening to law CDs. The list goes on and on.

The more I think about it, the more I think this may be the best mistake I have made in a long, long time...

July...

2008-06-19T13:20:00.000-07:00

Um, I will not be taking the bar in July.

Know why?
My dumb ass thought the deadline was July 3. I looked at the site a month ago and checked for specifically what the deadline was.

Nope. It was two days ago. And there are no exceptions. (That's the deadline to get a REFUND.)

So, now I have no studying to do.

Not sure yet if that's good or bad. Certainly a relief not to have to go do it again.

My friend N (who is waiting until Feb to re-take) said 1) this is my subconscious telling me I don't want to take it in July anyway, and 2) if I can't even read the f***ing application right, then I have no business taking the exam in my brain-fried state anyway.

She may have a point.